Being Alone Taught Me How to Be a Better Human
Discover strength in solitude.
Blaise Pascal said:
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
In today’s hyper-connected world, where we are constantly bombarded with notifications and messages, solitude has become a luxury.
I won’t exaggerate when I say solitude changed my life.
I was very social in high school and college. Whenever I wasn’t studying, I stayed up late, partying, hanging out with friends and having the proverbial fun.
It wasn’t until I moved to a big city, got a “serious” job and felt lonely. There were still people around me, but on a deeper level, I felt disconnected.
My life seemed ordered from the outside, but my inner world was chaos.
Relationships felt shallow. My self-awareness was minimal. My health started sinking as my body was signalling to change my lifestyle.
I knew I had reached my limits as the pursuit of a modern, fast-paced life brought nothing but misery. Then, I dived deeper into solitude and moved to the countryside.
Here is how solitude made me a better person:
I learnt the art of surrender.
In the past, I lived for control.
I was a sucker for planners and organizers of any kind. Before going to a restaurant, I checked the reviews. I liked surprises, as long as they were planned.
Like most humans, I feared the unknown.
What if I make a terrible decision? What if I live in regret?
Solitude, scary as it was, taught me to let go and trust.
In the past, I tried to stay busy, suppressing my feelings. But, my deteriorating health taught me that we are meant to slow down. The Universe will always give you clues to make a change.
I chose staying in over partying till dawn. Instead of eating or watching my emotions away, I meditated. I chose to sit with the uncomfortable over distracting myself with social engagements. It was the peak of my growth.
It is easy to lose yourself in this chaotic world. We get attached to people who make us feel less. We force ourselves into conversations we don’t enjoy. Society dictates our worth by possessions, accomplishments and how busy we get.
Being comfortable alone taught me the art of letting go — of expectations, the need for constant company, and the fear of being alone.
Life is a series of experiences to be embraced rather than resisted.
Through solitude, I surrendered to where I am. I embraced how I felt in this moment, especially if it wasn’t pretty, rather than holding on to ideas of how I should be feeling and what my life should look like to others.
It made me self-aware.
The inability to sit alone is rapturing our ability to connect deeper with our Inner Self.
Without quality time with ourselves to just be and think, we can not discover who we are, what we want and what we prefer.
Solitude is a breeding ground for self-awareness. It opens the door to change.
Alone time allows us to be more aware of what’s happening around us — people, conversations, traffic, nature.
It also keeps us in touch with what’s happening inside us — our thoughts, emotions, sensations, and how we react to external things.
Solitude allows you to disconnect from the demands and noise of the world by choosing yourself.
You get to discover what you truly want from life, not what society expects of you. When surrounded by people, we tend to take over their needs or current trends. But when you are alone, there are no distractions.
Vibe alone for a while. You will realize a lot about yourself. It may be uncomfortable, but sit with it. Self-knowledge is power.
Through solitude, you learn to see the world.
Solitude is a breeding ground for self-awareness.
I discovered myself anew.
Contrary to popular belief, solitude is not the absence of others. But the presence of oneself.
It is the state when you get to be alone on purpose, away from external influences. It offers you the freedom to spend time how you like, not how others expect you to be.
Solitude showed me what I am passionate about: genuine connections, giving and receiving love, writing, nurturing myself, and living, not just surviving.
I gave myself space to choose a different path, the unconventional one.
Being alone with my thoughts showed me I was my worst critic. It wasn’t the society I was fighting against. It was me all along.
I have learnt to observe and tame this inner critic. It gave myself permission to try new hobbies, experiment with a new lifestyle, write and publish, and spend more time in nature.
When you figure out who you are, magic happens: you start living for yourself. Not the life your parents chose for you, your partner or even your friends.
As I was spending more time alone, I learned a lot about myself.
Solitude is the best tool to build trust with yourself. It shows you your darkest fears, but through this darkness, you discover the light within.
As you spend more time with yourself, you learn to tolerate less and prioritize more. You become a pro at setting boundaries.
No paid course can teach you that. It is a skill you learn by getting to know yourself and your needs.
“If you are alone you belong entirely to yourself.”
— Leonardo da Vinci
It boosted my creativity.
Constant connectivity makes us crave more. More input. More stimuli.
Being by ourselves became a lost art.
When we go to a coffee shop, we cannot refuse the itch to text someone or scroll through Instagram. We no longer sit in the park and observe the world around us.
If we only consume, we will never create. To create, we need to think, and thinking requires solitude. Solitude keeps you creative and independent.
Instead of reaching for phone first thing in the morning, I allow myself to sit in stillness. Next, I journal about whatever comes to my mind.
Bill Gates used to spend two weeks per year in solitude just to come up with business ideas for Microsoft. Pablo Picasso was a lover of solitude and spent countless hours by himself working on his craft.
When you are alone and do nothing, your mind starts to wander. Ultimately, it fuels your creative thinking, allowing you to connect the dots and form new ideas.
Our brains depend on the off-time to process the data our minds receive during the day, consolidate memory, and reinforce learning.
When you step away from external distractions, your creative juices flow freely.
Studies confirm that being alone fosters creativity. In these quiet moments, away from the constant hum of notifications, our minds find the space to innovate and generate fresh perspectives.
“Be alone — that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”
I became picky about people.
Rest and recharge became my top priority.
Because I got serious about my mental and physical health, I became pickier about who I spend time with.
As I got addicted to bettering myself, parties, alcohol and meaningless social gatherings lost their appeal to me.
Yes, many friendships fell apart. But my journey got lighter.
Did you know that social interactions drain your batteries? No wonder, we have no energy left to take care of ourselves.
It is okay to outgrow people who no longer serve you. Being picky about your tribe is crucial. It doesn’t make you hostile. It makes you aware.
As you evolve, your energy shifts, and so do your connections.
When you make yourself a priority, you thrive. Your health gets better. You are happier and act kinder towards the world. It is a win-win situation.
And when you feel good about your life, you attract people and opportunities in alignment with your new vibrations. Life gets good.
You are no longer interested in the quantity of friends but in the quality of your relationships. You connect with people who actually get you, with whom you feel comfortable telling about your quirks, new routines, hopes, and dreams.
When you get comfortable by yourself, you won’t settle for relationships that don’t serve you. It is a powerful place to be in life.
“I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”
Dark times are lessons.
Tough times are temporary. But the strength you receive from overcoming challenges stays with you forever. “Dark” times are not your enemies but allies in your growth towards a better self.
Instead of being afraid of solitude and change, learn to accept them and watch as they transform your life for the better.
Solitude might seem scary at first, but once you give it a try, you will get hooked.
And once you feel complete in your own company, you find people who accept you as you are, and in those companionships, you will thrive.
Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely.
Liking being alone speaks volume about the genuine relationship you have with yourself full of love and respect.
Solitude can feel like a gift or a burden, depending on our relationship with it.
As Pascal pointed out: “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Pascal’s observation does not advocate for running into solitude to get away from the world.
It invites us to look within so we can embrace the world peacefully and with understanding.
Thank you for being here, — Kate
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