Are You Frustrated By People All The Time?
This is what we need to know about Social Intelligence.
If you do, you are not alone. I cannot speak for others. I do. And pretty often. In fact, probably daily. And this goes beyond the workplace or at home. Social intelligence has to be applied whenever we are within a sea of people.
I have done some research within the internet out of curiosity to ascertain if there is actually such a thing, and this definition of social intelligence comes up rather frequently.
“By social intelligence is meant the ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls — to act wisely in human relations” — E.L. Thorndike.
I cite further explanation from this webpage.
“The term social intelligence was first used by Dewey and Lull, but the modern concept has its origins in E. L. Thorndike’s division of intelligence into three facets pertaining to the ability to understand and manage ideas (abstract intelligence), concrete objects (mechanical intelligence), and people (social intelligence).”
Source: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-12794-028
I picked up one point that I concur with. It is to act wisely in human relationships. And that statement means that it is a stratum of intelligence meant for 2 or more. It is different from intellectual pursuit at the individual level.
Take for instance a racing cyclist. An individual cyclist in an isolated path can pursue an absolute time-trial. He can go as fast as he can to race the clock.
However, that changes when the background is in a National Park, where the footpath is shared with pedestrians and without clear road demarcations. This setting is for 2 and more.
Instead of going fast, the cyclist has to take into consideration going safely. He has to think about how fast he can go while still able to brake in time if a pedestrian suddenly appears in front of him.
Road safety — in my humble opinion — is a practicum off-shoot of social intelligence. And there are many others. Let me share real-life examples via my personal stories below.
Story # 1 — Family Dinner.
When I was much younger, dinner with extended family wasn’t a walk in the park. Main dishes are served on common plates and rice is scoped into individual bowls. We aren’t supposed to stir the soup excessively. We aren’t supposed to flip the chicken, cast unwanted pieces aside to get to the one we like.
Elders would hit our hands with their chopsticks. “It’s so rude!”, as they say. With age, I realize that this is about respect. When I have do-lunches with vendors, I find it slightly offensive when they start flipping the meat and vegetables. Of course, I believe in social intelligence. I said nothing.
Story # 2 — The Right Time to Say To Right Thing.
I realized this is about social intelligence as well. I gritted my teeth when I finished second in class (years back). When I got home, my mum would ask me what happened and if I have flunked my examinations. When she found out what the situation, she would exclaim rather loudly “That’s okay right? What is the big deal!?”
But it is a big deal. For me at least. Looking back, I realized that a big deal for me might not be given the same weightage by others. Today, when I see colleagues getting upset when they missed a promotion, I would just bring them for a drink.
We might not understand what they are going through, and we can choose to say the right things at the right time. Sometimes, that means not saying the wrong things at the wrong time.
Story # 3 — Back to Cycling. My Take on Tailgating.
I have something against tailgating. I wonder why most people do that. Imagine riding at a high speed. Imagine following a rider up front. What if he brakes suddenly to give way to a passing pedestrian?
And that was what I saw this evening. An adolescent was tailgating another. The one in front had to brake because a young girl from the opposite direction suddenly did a 180 and cut his path. When the adolescent in front in front had to apply emergency brakes, the tailgating adolescent crashed straight into the one behind. As he recoiled with a strong impact and fell, he cursed the one in front.
Would this have been avoided if the one behind wasn’t tailgating? Would this have happened if they would just slow down slightly, knowing full well that this is a park? I am postulating here, but I think it would have been much better. And have I been 2 steps ahead running this evening, I would have been injured by the falling bike.
My Reflections on Social Intelligence.
Yes, it is a form of intelligence. It is a form of intelligence that is applied for 2 or more. Is this form of intelligence important to our daily life? Yes, I think so. No man is an island. Until everyone gets to reside on an isolated island, away from the general populace.
Until that day where we can all apply social distancing for good, it is important to take care of others. Psychologically and emotionally.
To that point, I would say that it takes a lot to be wise. It takes, even more, to be wise in human relationships. No one says it is easy. But we learn. We learn from our experiences.
Don’t we?
Until then, we will likely be frustrated by people all the time.
Aspiring High Social Intelligence in the future,
Aldric
Related Stories from the Author.
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