avatarAli Hall

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8 Top Articles To Shine a Light on the Childfree

Who even cares about the peculiar childfree?

Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash

Not only am I viewed as an anomaly for not wanting children. But, I am ridiculed, and sometimes even shamed, for writing about being childfree.

Oh, and many people also think it’s odd that I have a Twitter account specifically dedicated to the childfree choice.

What do you even talk about in a childfree community?” Is a question I am asked on a regular basis.

Everything and anything is the answer.

The thing is, there is a plethora of parent spaces or mum spaces, both on and offline. And in my experience, many women’s groups are really mum groups, masquerading as inclusive for all women.

I don’t feel welcome or seen in these spaces. If you don’t have kids or the desire to have kids in the future, you are often passed over in such groups.

Childfree forums or social media accounts are not around to hate on parents or children. Quite the contrary. But they are places where the topic of children isn’t at the fore. These are places where our ideas, accomplishments, and dreams aren’t dictated by reproduction.

Childfree spaces are where we, the childfree, can be seen as worthy and valuable individuals. Where we are recognized as complete, despite not having reproduced.

The whole purpose of my advocacy work in the childfree community is to help take the stigma away from being childfree by choice. And to highlight that you can feel deep love, happiness & fulfillment without being a parent.

Social Outcast

I feel extremely lucky. I have many friends who are childfree, by happenstance or by intention. They are happy with their choice and it really is no big deal.

For me, it became a big deal when my ex-mother-in-law begged me, and tried to shame me into having children!

I resisted. Thankfully.

But the whole experience caused me huge anxiety. It made me realize just how difficult it is to be childfree by choice. It shone a bright light on the expectations of women to reproduce. And when we opt-out. Well, some people don’t even see us as women!

Get this — in a recent study, a whopping 1 in 4 adults claimed to be childfree by choice.

And yet, we still live in an overbearing pronatalist world. If you have children, you will likely not see it. You may not be aware of all the messaging. But when you choose not to have children, you are automatically othered, shunted down the hierarchy, and in some cases — ostracised!

Childfree people are rarely represented in films, adverts, books, policy. Think about it.

Normalize Being Childfree

This is why I write about being childfree. This is why I talk about it. To dispute the ridiculous comments that we, the childfree, receive. Comments suggesting we will never know true love. Telling us we will regret not having children when we are older. And my absolute favorite — the old “you will change your mind” bingo.

Complete strangers have opinions about what I do with my uterus. Isn’t that mad! And unless it’s popping out a baby, they think they know me better than I know myself!

So, I write about being childfree to help others navigate the treacherous and lonely path I traveled myself.

Readers Respond Amazingly

When I write about being childfree I am often struck by the comments I receive.

I have received messages from parents saying they didn’t realize they had a choice.

I have read comments from people thanking me for highlighting the error of their ways. Admitting they were putting pressure on friends to have children and they would stop doing so immediately.

I am not anti-children. I am anti-children for me.

I believe passionately in people who want to be parents, and who would be good parents, having children.

And I believe equally as passionately in people who don’t want to be parents, not being pressured or guilted into it.

And yes, in case you are wondering, this means I am extremely pro-abortion.

My Top 8 Childfree Articles

I strive for the choice to be childfree to be accepted and revered as much as the choice to have children is.

Is living childfree by choice of interest to you? This may be for yourself or to help understand family or friends better, then read on.

Here are my top 8 articles on the childfree by choice topic.

#1 The pressure to have a baby almost broke me

This article outlines my experiences with my ex-mother-in-law. This may help if you feel under pressure from parents, in-laws, or a partner, to have children.

“The comments are relentless, and with each comment, I feel more invisible, abnormal, and anxious. I know I am a disappointment to her. I start to question myself, analyzing and assessing my psyche. What is wrong with me? Why do I not want children? Why can’t I be like everyone else?”

#2 The 8 most annoying things parents say to people who are childfree

This is my most popular childfree article to date, with almost 9,000 views. It was written in response to an article titled “The 8 most annoying things people without children say to parents”, which was a huge rub against the childfree.

This article dispels a lot of the myths about the childfree. I hope you like it.

“I don’t know what my future holds. But I am absolute in my decision to remain childfree. Having a child in case I experience regret later in life would be ridiculous and irresponsible.”

#3 The hypocrisy of a childfree dog parent

This is funny and sarcastic.

“It goes without saying that dogs and children are not mutually exclusive. Good news — you can have both. They are great company for each other. After all, a house is not a home, without a dog.”

#4 I miss you

Navigating friendships when we choose different paths can be difficult. We can survive and thrive with this change, but it takes effort from both sides.

“Before long, your whole conversation circles around what is to come. I understand this, it was an exciting and nerve-wracking time for you. Despite my tokophobia, I showed an interest and listened. At the same time, my heart sunk. It seemed you had lost all interest in me and my life. This disinterest became more established over time.”

#5 Why parents don’t have the monopoly on empathy

It seems some people need to be parents to experience empathy. But interestingly, parents don’t actually have heightened levels of empathy. Rather their quota of empathy is directed inward (and rightly so) to their own unit.

“There is no need to prefix our words with “as a mother/father…” to stress our point or quantify our opinion. Our empathy levels are not dictated by our parental status. Yes, some people are more empathetic than others, but our parental status does not influence this.”

#6 How the pope’s hypocrisy and accusations of “selfishness” have lost him his audience

Ugh, I was angry when Pope Francis came out with his ridiculous comment! Did you hear what he said?

The conclusion is very simple… Pope Francis is the selfish one!

“But actually, my point is this. It is not selfish to choose a life for yourself. It is not selfish to know what you want in life and seek it out. Whether you choose to have children or not to have children, you are not selfish. Parents and non-parents (by choice) are both following their own desires, by this merit one choice can’t be selfish and the other virtuous!”

#7 You wouldn’t say this to expecting parents, so why say it to the childfree?

The examples in this article may seem funny, but actually, it’s completely perverse.

“These words aren’t said to the childfree with malice or ill-will. But there is a strong conviction childfree people are making a mistake. Maybe some people opting to live a childfree life are making a mistake, but it is their mistake to make. Likewise, maybe some people opting to have children are making a mistake.”

#8 Five unquestionable reasons dads have it better than moms

I stand by this piece. I would still consider being a dad. But I absolutely, no way in hell want to be a mom!

“It’s very simple, moms endure the lion’s share of childrearing. The impact of having children has a profound effect on a female. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging being a mom. Dads escape this experience unscathed.”

Wrapping up

If you have children, I hope they bring you deep happiness and you love them dearly.

If you are childfree by choice, I see you. I hope you have found peace with your decision and I suspect you have a rich and full life. I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Call me selfish, stupid, naive, immature, or whatever you want to call me. Just never call me mom!

I’ll leave you with this final quote by Dr. Verena Brunschweiger in “Do childfree people have better sex?”

“Intelligent parents grasp the idea of living childfree and the value of this decision for them and their children, first and foremost. Only extremely stupid and inconsiderate parents want everyone else to pop out as many babies as possible too.”

Thanks for reading

Ali Hall

P.S here’s a bonus article, which I think you will enjoy.

Childfree
Life
Love
Life Lessons
Relationships
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