5 Ways to Get Unstuck
#4: Make a list of your personal values
Some of us know what it feels like to hit a wall, whatever the stress may be. And, when we do, our sense of well-being and purpose can drop away.. You may feel like the circumstances are taking over your free will and it feels uncomfortable and out of control.
When that phase happens, it is important to remember that we humans have inherently the power to reverse that trend and in the following lines I will attempt to formulate 5 ways that may help when one feels « stuck ». Tested and approved by me… and few other qualified professionals in the field of psychology (sources at the end of the article).
#1: Define the situation and core issue
When stuck, we tend to become narrow minded. We set most of the attention and energy into the outcome (which is natural, that’s the most real and tangible at T time). What could be interesting at this stage is to investigate the core issue of the why we feel stuck…We did not get from A to Z without going through the rest of the alphabet. On this first phase one needs to investigate what happens between B and Y.
Spend some time in quiet, trying to define the real issue that brought you where you are. Ask yourself questions such as: “what are the elements, events that make me feel this way”?, «who is involved»?, «when did this feeling start»,?, «what were the eventual triggers»?, «what did the triggers reveal»?, etc..
Once the issue is clearly defined (this takes patience and careful attention to signals on a daily basis), write down the issue/s.
#2: Adjust your vocabulary, your perspective
Which words do you use to define the situation, how do you formulate it to yourself and to others? Neuroscience and Cognitive Therapy have demonstrated that the way we think affects the way we feel. Is there a less extreme way to describe what’s happening in your life? If it seems hopeless, impossible, or devastating, search for the glimmer of light that keeps you going and adjust your vocabulary. It’s easier to change a situation that feels disappointing, challenging, and frustrating rather than awful. Take your feelings-words down a notch to less intense ones and see how that changes your perspective.
#3: Look for alternatives/solutions
Before wasting time complaining, remember we are choosing what we are not changing.
Instead, sit down, map out the issue and do 2–3 alternatives to move towards any considerable solution. For those alternatives: list pros/cons and eventual consequences that it may have on anyone who is directly involved.
#4: Make a list of your personal values
In this article I write about values and how to define them.
Once you have your current values clear. They will be your drivers ultimately pushing you to take action in order to be more aligned.
Most of the time we get stuck because we are living a life non aligned with our values. Getting stuck can then be seen as a way to bring us back on our path when the breakthrough happens.
Living in alignment with one’s values is among the greatest gift one can do to one’s soul. And as Gary Zucav wrote in The Seat of The Soul: authentic power is when the personality serves the purpose of the soul. By being in alignment with your inner self, you will be living a life of lasting fulfilment and contentment.
#5: Gratefulness and self care
On the way — because this can take some time, keep in mind to take care of yourself. You are in a vulnerable situation and most of the time the external world does not fully perceive or understand you “feeling stuck”. It oftentimes seems easier from the outside view than it is in reality for the one experiencing it, so stay the main focus of your attention, cater for yourself.
What also helped me personally when I was stuck not so long ago was to notice the journey done until now. Remind yourself of your qualities and positive aspects of your being. Write down all you are grateful for in your current situation despite the circumstances. Make this a new habit and keep it genuine. Please don’t schedule time to sit and make a list of things you are grateful for. Try to do it naturally: it could be that you catch yourself up while walking, dancing or jogging, stop and notice that you are able to walk, dance and run with your two feet. It could be that one day when you observe that you are able to sit and feel the comfort of the chair or sofa under you. It could be looking at the sunshine and appreciating the sun caress on your face… You name it :). Just keep it genuine and personal to you.
And finally, don’t rush things up because it may end up into « should have’s », “could have’s”, « what if’s » and we don’t want that.
“When you don’t know what to do, do nothing”
— Oprah Winfrey
Re value patience at this stage of your journey. Patience is not waiting, patience is letting the time do what it gotta do in time (I just came up with this one, it sounds nice). Take your time to evaluate and consider the consequences of you getting unstuck. Especially, have an action plan with few alternatives: if plan A doesn’t work, what else? Have like A, B, C plans at least. It will also help you feel more safe into jumping yourself out of the “mental jail”. If it feels natural, involve some trusted friends or wise family members to help you stay steady in this temporal situation you are going through. Remembering that “this too shall pass” fellow human being. All matters on this earth are temporal, even our thought or real problems.
In this article I took the topic from a perspective of a “stuck” situation that require action/s. Some situations may only require an awareness of the core issue/s and communication with the parties involved in order to break free from feeling stuck.
Until next time dear reader, take gorgeous care of yourself, you know best how; if not, get curious about it, your future self will thank you for that effort ;)
References: Personal Experience + Psychology Today + The Seat of the soul/Gary Zucav