5 Things Men Get Wrong About Sex

Let’s clear up some confusion

Lots of women feel they’re not getting nearly enough pleasure out of sex.

That’s to be expected. Some women rarely have orgasms when they sleep with a dude. So, a bit of disappointment is only natural.

Most men know this. What they don’t know, though, are the actual specific things that leave women feeling a little underwhelmed in the sack.

Some of them are very confident they know what women are missing. But most of the time, they’re wrong.

Being a sex blogger means that a lot of people share the details of their sex lives with me.

I’m like that quiet friend who hears everyone’s secrets after they’ve had a couple of drinks. Except it’s emails and DMs and a surprising number of them are about foreskin.

But I also get to hear a lot of women’s frustrations and struggles with sex. And I get a very close look at men’s sexual insecurities.

And let me tell you, there’s a mismatch between the two.

The men who reach out to me confirm what I already knew from talking to guys in real life (yep, I was that quiet friend) and digging way too deep on Reddit (and not just the porny parts).

A lot of guys are anxious about sex because they’re size kings.

No, they’re not on the prowl, hoping to find someone with a nine inch dick. But a lot of dudes are extremely fixated on dick size. Because of that, they’re convinced that women are too and that their sexual satisfaction will mostly be based on length and girth.

Unfortunately, that goes to their heads.

The ones with smaller or average sized dicks end up fretting about it way too much. They think any woman who hooks up with them is going to sigh about the size of their package.

The size kings with big cocks think they can coast on their size. They expect their hefty dicks to do all the heavy lifting — that all they have to do is stick it in and bang her deep and she’ll have her mind blown.

But no, that’s not what women tend to complain about. Seriously, my dudes, your dick size is not that big of a deal. Genuine size queens do exist, but they’re rare. Most women have much more nuanced feelings about dick size and can get lots of satisfaction from any kind of cock.

Other guys know that size doesn’t matter that much. But they think of good sex like it was a list of sex acts you should check off.

They think women only get frustrated or struggle to come when they’re with guys who can’t find the G-spot or won’t eat pussy.

So, they figure as long as they don’t skip any of the main sex acts, they’ll be amazing in bed and she’ll be breathlessly wowed by them.

And yes, great. Definitely eat her pussy. Go to town on her muff. Devour the fuck out of her.

Finger her G-spot, too. Even better, rub it while you eat her out.

That’s all really good. And a lot of women need that kind of action to reach an orgasm.

But that’s not what women tend to bring up when they have frustrations in the sack. It’s not that most guys won’t give foreplay or eat pussy. It’s that they’re mistaken about a few important things that would help us come harder.

So, in the interest of helping every guy out there be the studliest stud he can be and helping my fellow ladies get hotter sex and mindmelting orgasms, these are the five biggest things that men tend to get wrong about getting women off.

They Don’t Know What “Don’t Stop” Actually Means

This is an extremely common issue for women and one that leaves a lot of us feeling really confused.

She’s getting fingered, fucked, or eaten out and feeling her pleasure building. She’s so close to coming, she can almost taste the orgasm.

All she needs is more. More of the exact same thing he’s doing to her — same speed, same rhythm, same pressure.

So, that’s what she asks for. Between moans and heavy breaths, she manages to say two simple and clear words.

“Don’t stop.”

But then he does the exact opposite of what she asked him to.

He doesn’t stop, not fully. But he stops doing the thing he was doing. Instead of giving her the same stimulation, he changes things up.

Usually, that means amping up whatever he was doing. Fucking her harder, rubbing her pussy faster, and licking her clit like he’s trying to find out what’s in the middle of her Tootsie Pop.

So, she kisses that strong orgasm goodbye. Instead of building all the way to that glorious finish, the change in stimulation means she doesn’t come as hard, experiences the frustration of a ruined orgasm, or struggles to finish.

It’s a confusing experience. Not because she misses out on a huge climax, but because she asked for exactly what she wanted and didn’t get it.

For whatever reason, men and women have, by and large, two different understandings of what the words “don’t stop” mean.

When ladies say “don’t stop,” we mean that we want more of the same kind of stimulation.

When guys hear “don’t stop,” they don’t usually think it means “keep going.” They almost always think it means “go harder” or “go faster.”

It doesn’t, though. If she wanted it harder or faster, she would have used those words.

When she says “don’t stop,” all she wants is for you to continue, to keep doing whatever you’re doing so she can ride all those good sensations to a very satisfying climax.

They Confuse Speed, Pressure, and Force

There are three factors that are really important when you’re pleasuring a pussy. The problem is, a lot of guys seem to get them mixed up.

How fast you’re stimulating her is going to make a big difference. Sometimes, she’ll want you to go quickly and give her everything you’ve got. Other times, she’ll want it slow so she can really feel all the things you’re doing to her and build up to a more powerful climax.

Pressure’s a really big one, too. How hard your fingers or tongue press against her pussy is going to change the way it feels. Adding pressure increases the intensity. That can feel really fucking good when she’s aroused enough and in the mood for it. The rest of the time, it can be overstimulating.

And then there’s just how hard you’re penetrating her. She might want shallow thrusts or a soft fingerfuck. Or she might want to feel how hard your cock can pound into her or feel your palm tapping hard against her pussy while you finger her with all you’ve got.

Here’s the tricky part. A lot of guys seem to bundle those three different factors into one. When they change the speed, pressure, or force, they change all of them at once.

When they go more intense with one, they go intense on all of them. When they tone one down, they all get toned down.

And because of that, she doesn’t get the perfect combination of stimulation that would result in the strongest orgasms.

She’ll ask for him to go slower, and he’ll slow down — but he’ll also apply less pressure.

Or she’ll ask him to go faster, but instead of just speeding up he’ll go harder too.

It’s when she wants it slow with lots of extra pressure, or soft but fast and vigorous, or a hard fuck that’s slow instead of quick, she’ll have a hard time getting it.

If you want to give her the best pleasure you can give her, you’ll have to tease those different factors apart. You have to know that when she asks you to slow down, she might still want to go hard. And when she asks you for more stimulation, she might just want more pressure instead of more speed.

They Think Being Quiet Doesn’t Matter

A lot of guys fuck very quietly. Which is kind of odd when you think about it because if there’s ever a time to have a vocal reaction, it’s during sex.

From all accounts, getting a blowjob feels fucking incredible. Especially one that’s nice and sloppy.

Pumping your dick in and out of a pussy is apparently one of the best feelings in the world.

Getting to fuck a lady’s hot, tight ass has got to be some of the most intense stimulation a cock can get.

But you wouldn’t know that from hearing guys mid-fuck.

That’s an issue that women keep bringing up over and over. Most of the guys they sleep with fuck quietly.

They won’t talk dirty and they don’t do a whole lot of moaning, grunting, and groaning.

Some of them will make a lot of noise when they’re coming. But even at the point of climax, some guys will barely make a peep even while they’re covering her stomach with spunk.

And I don’t get it. How could you be doing something so damn fun and exciting and barely make a sound?

A lot of guys have told me that it’s because they learned to be quiet because they were teens masturbating discreetly with their parents in the house.

That almost makes sense, except that girls had to do the exact same thing and women don’t tend to have the same problem letting go and being vocal during sex.

Other guys have told me that it’s something to do with masculine cultural conditioning. Basically, they learned that it’s not manly to show your enthusiasm for something unless it’s an expensive car or a meticulously manicured lawn.

If that’s true, it’s silly. And it’s affecting your sex life. Because fucking a woman quietly doesn’t come across as manly, it just makes her wonder why you’re not enjoying yourself more.

Women want you to make noise during sex. All those moans and grunts are a huge turn on.

That groaning and grunting makes you sound more enthusiastic, which is exactly what she wants when you’re fucking.

Hearing your moans when she has your cock in her mouth makes her feel proud of her cocksucking skills.

The sounds you make during sex also make her feel wanted and desired. They make her feel hotter and more attractive, which will help her let go and feel a lot less insecure.

She wants to know you’re getting a lot of pleasure, and it feels extra sincere when you’re making the kinds of sounds that show just how much you’re enjoying.

She doesn’t want you to hold back. She wants you to lose your shit. Better yet, she wants you to do it because of her.

And here’s the kicker. Hearing your pleasure is actually going to intensify hers. It can help her come or help her come harder.

I’m not exaggerating. The first time I had a triple orgasm, it was all because Mr. Austin got very vocal. Hearing him grunt and groan made me come so hard that I immediately hit a second climax — and another one right after that.

It was some really fucking powerful stuff, and I only got to experience it because of how arousing it was to hear the sounds he was making.

Don’t cheat your partner out of that. Loosen up a bit. Stay in the moment. And don’t hold back — be as loud and vocal as you want to be. It’s going to turn her on and it just might improve her orgasms, too.

They Think Coming Quickly Is Game Over

Guys who come quickly usually think it ruins sex for their partner. They think it means the fun is over almost as soon as it started, and that there’s no way for her to be satisfied because she wasn’t even close to being finished.

But most women don’t actually think quick ejaculation is all that bad. Some even find it really hot.

What bothers them isn’t the fact that a guy comes quickly. It’s that he acts like it’s game over once he does.

That’s the disappointing part.

And it can be a let-down no matter how long the guy takes to get off. When he makes his orgasm the finish line, it makes her pleasure seem secondary.

No matter how much time it takes him to climax, she should still get hers.

Before the fucking even starts, there should be a lot of fingering. You should eat her pussy — ideally long enough for her to come at least once or twice from it. Bust out the sex toys and show her a good time with vibrators and dildos.

Your cock is the cherry on top of that multiorgasmic sundae. After all that pleasure, she gets to enjoy the amazing feeling of you thrusting inside her.

If she’s still not done when you come, keep going.

Go back to using your fingers and tongue. Grab those sex toys and give her pussy all the pleasure it wants. Use a wand on her pussy. Eat her out while a thruster goes to work on her. Bang her with a dildo while you eat her ass.

Whatever she’s into, keep giving it to her until she’s had her fill.

If you’re too worn out to get back in the game, cheer her from the sidelines. Encourage her to get off for you. Talk dirty to her while you watch her bring herself to an orgasm. Play with her tits and lick her nipples while she presses her favorite vibrator against her clit.

If you do all that, trust me, she won’t be disappointed at all. She won’t have any problems with how quickly you come as long as she gets to come too.

They Don’t Know There Are Different Levels of Orgasms

If you ask my husband, he’ll tell you that he can experience only one type of orgasm — or maybe two if he gets really detailed.

For me, it’s way more complicated. I can experience at least twelve kinds of orgasms. And a lot of those come in varying degrees of intensity.

It’s more or less the same for most women. A lot of us are capable of different kinds of orgasms. And even when we can only come from clit stimulation, we can still rank the orgasms we get from it.

But a lot of guys think that coming is coming — even for us.

They think that a woman having an orgasm means that she’s had a complete and fully satisfying sexual experience.

And yeah, an orgasm is always great. But some orgasms are more like appetizers.

Having a weak or soft orgasm makes me feel eager for more. It makes me horny and fires me up. I might have come, but I’m just getting started.

I only feel done once I’ve had a show-stopping orgasm that leaves me feeling spent, exhausted, and blissfully mindblown.

A lot of guys will stop before giving a girl that kind of big finish. She had an orgasm or maybe even multiple orgasms, so he figures that she’s had her fill and hit the peak of her pleasure.

Maybe. Maybe not.

It all depends on how strong those orgasms were.

If you want to give her some truly amazing sex, don’t assume that she’s hit her peak just because she had an orgasm. She doesn’t just want to come — she wants to come in a way that leaves her feeling deeply satisfied.

What it takes to get her there is going to be different for every woman.

She might be able to come from penetration, but she might not be able to get a huge finish unless her clit gets some action too.

Or she might love the way you eat her pussy but never feel quite as satisfied as she does when you give her those deep cervical orgasms.

Or she’ll need blended orgasms to really see stars. She’ll need her G-spot and clit pleasured at the same time. Or maybe a buttplug pushed into her ass while she’s getting her pussy eaten. Or your spit-slicked fingers slowly rubbing circles around her clit while you bang into her as hard as you can.

For most women, coming isn’t coming. If you want to blow her mind, make sure you find out what she needs to get a show-stopping climax and give it to her.

Fuck Her Right

There would be a lot more sexual satisfaction if we knew how to talk about sex in a healthy and open way.

Girls don’t always know that some guys need proper lube for a satisfying handjob. They don’t realize how much spontaneity turns them on. And some of them don’t get that going face down, ass up is exactly the kind of visual experience that will drive a guy wild.

Most guys don’t always have a clear idea of what women want out of sex and what makes them come the hardest.

To make things worse, a lot of us are too shy to say what we need out loud or too insecure to hear what our partners want without getting weird about it.

So, these are the basics. Make some noise when you’re fucking her, don’t go fast when she’s only asking you to go hard, and make sure you keep going until she has a really strong orgasm.

You’re still going to have to communicate if you want great sex. But those will get you a few steps closer to being a guy she brags about fucking.

Let’s keep in touch! Sign up for my weekly newsletter for updates about new articles, podcast episodes, audio porn, and spicy photos! (I won’t send you anything without your enthusiastic consent!)

❤ If you liked this post, you might also love: