Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

eople use divorce as an excuse to exercise their anger</h2><p id="d81d"><i>This emotional truth is simple.</i></p><p id="84dd">Some people embarrass themselves by using divorce as an excuse to exercise their anger. The marriage is over. The relationship did not work out.</p><p id="00f5">But that’s not good enough for a spiteful spouse.</p><p id="a4f2">They will inflict as much emotional pain as possible on their former partner, especially if they feel wronged. It could be a reality-based wrong such as a cheating partner. Or it could be a non-reality-based wrong such as a simple breakup. Their spouse ends the marriage and it angers them.</p><p id="8639">It could be resentment and animosity from years of unresolved issues or remaining in an unhealthy marriage.</p><p id="0227"><i>Aka, the leftover marital baggage that impacts divorce.</i></p><p id="dc40">Some spouses use divorce as an excuse to exercise and inflict their anger.</p><h2 id="4251">5. You’re not divorcing a stranger</h2><p id="b141"><i>People often say they don’t recognize the person they’re divorcing.</i></p><p id="bdd9">But you’re not divorcing a stranger.</p><p id="f97e">This is the same spouse you’ve been married to. You simply chose to overlook things, see the best in them, enable their behavior, or make excuses for them.</p><p id="b701">They appear unrecognizable for several reasons.</p><p id="4df6">You now have enough distance to accurately view them for who they are. And more than likely, when you were married they were either a happier or more content version of themselves. Or their world order was operating the way they deemed fit.</p><p id="744a">A controlling individual is going to become even more extreme when they feel they can no longer control their spouse or the situation. A manipulative person is even more manipulative. A schemer is even more scheming. A stubborn person is even more stubborn. A liar will lie more.</p><p id="2484">Divorce doesn’t change someone.</p><p id="dc58">Divorce exposes who an individual truly is.</p><p id="24d5">An honest person will continue to be honest. A dishonest person will continue to be dishonest. A person who does the right thing will continue to do the right thing. A person who does the wrong thing will continue to do the wrong thing.</p><p id="ea6a"><i>You don’t divorce strangers, they didn’t change, they fully exposed themselves.</i></p><p id="f064">Divorce doesn’t change a person, it escalates their personality traits.</p><h2 id="7fe2">Summary</h2><p id="f80b"><i>The majority of us go into divorce naively.</i></p><p id="4280">We are worn down by the erosion of our partnership. We are heartbroken divorce is our net result. We are at an emotional low. And divorce is going to demand incredible emotional, spiritual, and physical strength.</p><p id="67d7">Divorce is catastrophic.</p><p id="4d8d">You don’t recognize it until you experience it.</p><p id="27bb">The devastation of divorce could be lessened if some of these emotional truths were addressed. Divorce is painful enough without them.</p><p id="e287"><b>I was naive.</b></p><blockquote id="f1a0"><p>I thought divorce was the unfortunate result of exhausting all of our options. I thought divorce was tragic and sad. I thought divorce was freedom. I thought divorce was brave and scary. I thought divorce was peace. I thought divorce was a new beginning. I thought divorce was healing. I thought divorce would bring calm to my children’s home again.</p></blockquote><p id="cc64">Divorce is much more complicated.</p><p id="35f9">I found that out.</p><p id="84a6"><b>Follow </b>my quotes on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/colleenorme/">Instagram</a> or me on <a href="https://twitter.com/ColleenOrme">Twitter</a> or <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/colleen-orme-7773015/">LinkedIn</a> or <a href="https://www.facebook.com/colleensheehyorme">Facebook</a></p><p id="5297"><i>If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/membership">become a Medium member.</a> For just $5 a month, you will get unlimited access to Medium.</i></p><div id="5965" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/this-is-the-problem-with-marriage-7a4ed1f42c40"> <div> <div> <h2>This Is the Problem With Marriage</h2> <div><h3>It gave one person too much power in my life</h3></div> <div>

Options

<p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*OBoUx4655Feq4-if3wreFw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="cb48" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-was-a-woman-who-lost-herself-46c42e3b7d3d"> <div> <div> <h2>I Was a Woman Who Lost Herself</h2> <div><h3>10 Quotes about the danger of unhealthy relationships</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*2O4YbAjghvpytUZe-Ffegg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="fa81" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-told-my-son-one-thing-about-communicating-feelings-ce8e5179f00c"> <div> <div> <h2>I Told My Son One Thing About Communicating Feelings</h2> <div><h3>Because if not, I will absorb his mood</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*MsZHWi8SyeQSVcPMlzMt0Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="341d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/13-things-to-know-before-divorce-f2db7e8bfb21"> <div> <div> <h2>13 Things to Know Before Divorce</h2> <div><h3>Divorce advice for the naive and trusting</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Q9PDL2yo6hmNY7a7BMmLIA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1999" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/married-women-who-look-in-the-mirror-623df669f54"> <div> <div> <h2>Married Women Who Look in the Mirror</h2> <div><h3>And say this to themselves, “may need a divorce”</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*nl9-BV1jVvVN6aJXVm1SHQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="634a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-decided-my-value-in-divorce-2871359d9516"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Decided My Value in Divorce</h2> <div><h3>And it was based on money, not the law</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*mepXKEtvOoZq26t8Fx0kmg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="35f6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-am-the-mother-of-boys-f5665317c982"> <div> <div> <h2>I Am the Mother of Boys</h2> <div><h3>Why you shouldn’t ask if I miss having a daughter</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*JMKezue3Twev_ooFSKsWZQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a3d2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/what-really-kept-me-with-a-narcissist-6c463f8996ef"> <div> <div> <h2>What Really Kept Me With a Narcissist</h2> <div><h3>My answer might annoy some people</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*MmNXoj2SDcEBXrgx2791QA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

5 Emotional Truths of Divorce

You should be prepared for these in divorce

I was naïve.

I thought divorce was the unfortunate result of exhausting all of our options. I thought divorce was tragic and sad. I thought divorce was freedom. I thought divorce was brave and scary. I thought divorce was peace. I thought divorce was a new beginning. I thought divorce was healing. I thought divorce would bring calm to my children’s home again.

Divorce is much more complicated.

I found that out.

Because you’re divorcing another person. The same person who made marriage difficult. The same person who wouldn’t work with you to save your relationship.

These are 5 emotional truths of divorce:

1. You may not be divorcing an adult

Spoiler alert!

You may find out you were married to a child. Adults do what’s right. Adults put their children first. Adults prioritize the family despite the divorce. Adults are rational. Adults are mature.

Adults don’t throw tantrums, passive-aggressively ignore you, and seek to win. Adults aren’t stubborn and spoiled. They aren’t retaliatory and revengeful. Adults don’t inflict unnecessary angst on their children through abusive behavior and elongated divorce.

Adults are accountable for the dissolution of the marriage.

Adults take responsibility for the part they played and fairly dissolve it.

2. Divorce exposes the leftover baggage of marriage

Unfortunately, many marriages let problems fester for years without resolution.

In divorce, these issues get ferociously and lawlessly unpacked.

It’s not unusual for the same relationship disputes to play out in a divorce. A couple can continue to argue over the same things making it difficult to compromise and arrive at a settlement.

The personality issues that added to the marital baggage can wage war in a divorce. The same traits that made it difficult to resolve marital conflict can compound a divorce. If a spouse was unyielding. They will remain that way. If they were controlling they may become more controlling. If they were unreasonable they may become more unreasonable.

You go into divorce thinking it’s a solution to your relationship problems.

But the leftover marital baggage can make it uglier and harder to achieve.

3. Not unlike arguments, many people want to win a divorce

Arguments aren’t meant to be won, they’re meant to be resolved.

You can’t tell that to a disrespectful or difficult personality.

Unfortunately, many spouses view divorce as something to be won. They believe if their partner gains something it’s not a compromise, it’s losing. This type of individual is emotionally exhausting. They will be capable of inflicting emotional, financial, and in some cases, physical abuse to achieve their desired outcome.

They don’t believe their former spouse deserves certain things and they will go to great lengths to prevent it. They may have spent years neglecting their partner, refusing to work on the relationship, being difficult, or other types of behavior such as cheating, or substance abuse. But they refuse to take responsibility for the marriage's failure. Instead, they believe their spouse is getting custody, money, or possessions that shouldn’t go to them.

In some instances, there may be spouses who were genuinely taken advantage of, or who have serious parental concerns, and that individual is fighting not to win, but fighting for what’s right.

You don’t win in divorce.

Divorce is the unfortunate result of exhausting all of your options.

4. People use divorce as an excuse to exercise their anger

This emotional truth is simple.

Some people embarrass themselves by using divorce as an excuse to exercise their anger. The marriage is over. The relationship did not work out.

But that’s not good enough for a spiteful spouse.

They will inflict as much emotional pain as possible on their former partner, especially if they feel wronged. It could be a reality-based wrong such as a cheating partner. Or it could be a non-reality-based wrong such as a simple breakup. Their spouse ends the marriage and it angers them.

It could be resentment and animosity from years of unresolved issues or remaining in an unhealthy marriage.

Aka, the leftover marital baggage that impacts divorce.

Some spouses use divorce as an excuse to exercise and inflict their anger.

5. You’re not divorcing a stranger

People often say they don’t recognize the person they’re divorcing.

But you’re not divorcing a stranger.

This is the same spouse you’ve been married to. You simply chose to overlook things, see the best in them, enable their behavior, or make excuses for them.

They appear unrecognizable for several reasons.

You now have enough distance to accurately view them for who they are. And more than likely, when you were married they were either a happier or more content version of themselves. Or their world order was operating the way they deemed fit.

A controlling individual is going to become even more extreme when they feel they can no longer control their spouse or the situation. A manipulative person is even more manipulative. A schemer is even more scheming. A stubborn person is even more stubborn. A liar will lie more.

Divorce doesn’t change someone.

Divorce exposes who an individual truly is.

An honest person will continue to be honest. A dishonest person will continue to be dishonest. A person who does the right thing will continue to do the right thing. A person who does the wrong thing will continue to do the wrong thing.

You don’t divorce strangers, they didn’t change, they fully exposed themselves.

Divorce doesn’t change a person, it escalates their personality traits.

Summary

The majority of us go into divorce naively.

We are worn down by the erosion of our partnership. We are heartbroken divorce is our net result. We are at an emotional low. And divorce is going to demand incredible emotional, spiritual, and physical strength.

Divorce is catastrophic.

You don’t recognize it until you experience it.

The devastation of divorce could be lessened if some of these emotional truths were addressed. Divorce is painful enough without them.

I was naive.

I thought divorce was the unfortunate result of exhausting all of our options. I thought divorce was tragic and sad. I thought divorce was freedom. I thought divorce was brave and scary. I thought divorce was peace. I thought divorce was a new beginning. I thought divorce was healing. I thought divorce would bring calm to my children’s home again.

Divorce is much more complicated.

I found that out.

Follow my quotes on Instagram or me on Twitter or LinkedIn or Facebook

If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. For just $5 a month, you will get unlimited access to Medium.