4 Steps to Get Out of the All-or-Nothing Mindset.

Here’s one way to stop self-sabotaging.

The all-or-nothing mindset is a form of perfectionism, and perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage.

In the past, I thought being a perfectionist was good. I thought I paid attention to detail and always gave my best effort.

And I did do this, the biggest problem was the expectations that I had of myself when in reality, not everything is within my control.

Let’s take Medium, for example.

I can write as many blogs as I want, polish them, and edit them to the point where I think they’re perfect. That doesn’t mean someone else will think the same.

I cannot control how others respond to my work and if they will like it as much as I do.

Expecting others to react the same way and getting disappointed when they don’t is unrealistic.

Let’s take this a little further.

If you’re a perfectionist, this kind of feedback will not sit well with you. It will make you think your best effort is not good enough and lead you to believe you shouldn’t pursue this.

I’ve been there, and looking back, I regret quitting because of how others responded to something that I liked.

This is how perfectionism can make you self-sabotage.

But I digress.

Now that I’m not struggling as much with perfectionism, I wanted to share with you some simple things that could help you get out of the all-or-nothing mindset.

1. Take a break from whatever you’re doing.

I did this on Friday when I was feeling stressed and anxious about wanting to publish another blog to meet the minimum I set for this month.

However, I realized I was causing myself a lot of anxiety by not having grace with myself and accepting that I was having a hard time coming up with ideas.

Rather than chastise myself and think of myself as a failure because I couldn’t write when I wanted to, I took a break.

I closed my laptop and went to do something else.

That day, I also had a very small window of time to write and get everything I needed done because I was working a double shift.

Needless to say, I didn’t publish anything that day.

But rather than be disappointed with myself, I chose to forgive myself.

I chose to believe that I’m not a failure, and I didn’t fail because I missed one day of writing.

I’ll address this more next.

2. Call yourself out.

Catch yourself and admit that you’re getting carried away.

When you’re a perfectionist with an all-or-nothing mindset, you’ll probably catastrophize messing up once.

As I said earlier, I had to remind myself I wasn’t a failure for missing one day.

Let’s think about this for a moment and how ridiculous this actually is.

First of all, success is built on failures. There is not one successful person in this world who hasn’t made a mistake, missed a deadline, been late, etc.

Thinking that everything will fall apart in one day because you messed up a little is very exaggerated.

And unrealistic.

My Medium profile isn’t going to collapse or somehow erase itself if I don’t publish.

My readers aren’t going to think that I’m a terrible aspiring writer for missing one day — they don’t even know when I’m going to publish!

So, when you’re getting carried away in your mind, take a breath and reexamine your thoughts.

Odds are, you’re spinning a story in your head about failing that isn’t true.

3. Do something else that breathes energy back into you.

I’ve learned a few key things about myself on my personal development journey.

One of those things is that if I don’t get up and do something physical, I’m going to think and overthink what I’m doing.

When I got up from my desk on Friday, I decided to meal prep for the day instead and give my mind a break.

Rather than stress myself out even more by forcing myself to sit at my desk, I chose to do something that would let me take a break and decompress.

And it actually worked.

Since I was on such a tight schedule Friday morning, I wasn’t able to continue the blog I was working on, but I was able to come up with the idea for this blog.

I also finished the blog I was writing yesterday and published it — this blog was inspired by it. Here it is if you want to read it.

Lastly,

4. Try again, and this time, have grace with yourself.

When I sat down at my desk yesterday to continue working on the blog I started Friday, I didn’t look at it and think, ‘Well, I’m a failure,’ or ‘What’s the point of publishing this now?’

Through this journey of building an audience, writing online, and creating content, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the reality of the work that happens behind the scenes.

The truth is, we’re all just learning and figuring it out one day at a time.

We have ideas, and we try to implement them. We see what works and what doesn’t and try to replicate that in other areas.

We make mistakes, and we learn from them. We try again and again because we have wishes, dreams, and aspirations we hope to accomplish one day.

All of this is a work in progress, and the process will always be messy.

This is why you must have grace with yourself and forgive yourself for the mistakes you will inevitably make along the way.

Nothing and no one is perfect. Nothing and no one is always doing everything on point, every single time.

A key lesson I’ve learned along this journey of life is that the point of our effort, of our attempts, of everything we’re trying to do and get better at is progress, not perfection.

So after you forgive yourself, try again.