How to Begin Showing Up Authentically to Start Building the Life of Your Dreams.

We tend to overcomplicate this process and end up self-sabotaging.

Here’s how not to do that.

I used to think that my life would need to change dramatically before I could start doing, being, and living how I wanted.

I constantly fell into the trap of ‘once I finally have X, I will be happy/do this thing I said I would do/follow through,’ etc.

But the reality is, that’s not how life works.

That is not how progress works.

If you’re serious about making changes, about living more authentically, about changing, and finally beginning to live a life you’re genuinely content with, here are some important lessons so you can start and follow through.

1. Stop talking yourself out of your wants and needs.

I used to do this all the darn time for years and years and years.

I would ignore what my feelings were telling me, stuff them deep down inside, pretending they weren’t there.

I used to live according to ‘should.’

I should do this, I should be this way, I should, I should, I should.

Many of us do this with our entire lives or parts of it, yet wonder why we’re exhausted and burnt out.

If you ignore your true wants and needs for too long, you start becoming a shell of a person.

You become bitter, jaded, and resentful.

I recently wrote about how I felt I was doing this with certain areas of my life, and I feel I need to touch on this subject some more, especially with the New Year being here.

So many of us want to accomplish our resolutions but think we probably won’t.

I feel called to write about this because I know there’s someone who is in a similar spot, who needs to hear it’s okay to have needs and wants.

More importantly, you can meet those needs and wants, even if they seem like some far-off dream.

2. Acknowledge them and accept them.

Stop trying to turn yourself into someone you aren’t.

Stop trying to force yourself into a box that doesn’t have space for all of you.

It’s not worth it.

I tried and tried to be the person I thought I should be, and instead, I ended up having an identity crisis at twenty-three.

The good thing is I sought professional help (I’ve spoken about my counselor in many other blogs), and it was the best thing I could have done.

Thanks to my counselor (her patience, grace, understanding, asking tough questions, and faith), I learned to accept myself and discover and acknowledge my wants and needs.

When I knew and accepted what I wanted, everything seemed less complicated, overwhelming, and daunting.

I felt like I had direction in my life again, and rather than feeling dreadful (too many of us pursue a direction that deep down we know we don’t want), I felt excited, hopeful, and alive again.

So, do your present and future self a favor — acknowledge and accept what you need and want!

Even if it sounds like some crazy dream that may never get accomplished, give yourself a little bit of love and believe it could be possible for you.

With that said, here’s perhaps the most important part of all of this.

3. Execute! Make a plan to start doing some of the things you’ve wanted to do or work on.

People make the mistake of thinking they have to overhaul their entire lives in one day. That’s unrealistic.

The goal here is to start. That also means following through (taking consistent action, changing habits, etc).

Let me give you a simple but very powerful example.

In the past, I always wanted to change my wardrobe. To be more fashionable, to lean into my femininity, etc.

But I would constantly talk myself out of it. I would say to myself, ‘I shouldn’t spend the money because other things are more important,’ or ‘it’s a waste of money since I already have other clothes.’

I would constantly say no to myself.

Imagine doing this in other areas of your life. It means you’re constantly denying yourself your wants and sometimes needs.

How can you start doing the things that speak to you and align with you when you’re denying yourself something as simple as dressing the way you want?

I’m not saying buy a whole new wardrobe right now.

What I am saying is to come up with a plan to start changing some pieces now and work on slowly upgrading your wardrobe toward what you like best.

(You can apply this to your career, health, and overall habits).

I didn’t go crazy buying a bunch of clothes all at once and throwing out everything I had.

I came up with a straightforward plan, and more importantly, I followed through with it.

I stuck to my budget.

I made sure to pay my necessary bills first, and then I took a chunk out of whatever was left over and bought myself what I could with it.

Sometimes, it was just a top. Other times, it was a jacket, pants, a dress, and some jewelry.

I worked with my budget and finances rather than against them to make this a reality.

Now, I have an almost entirely new closet, and I’m much happier with it.

I believe this is ultimately how we should follow through with our choices to build a life we’re genuinely content with.

Work with yourself and your resources rather than against them.

Believe there are other options for you out there and that you can come up with a plan to make it all happen.

Because the truth is, it’s all possible.

Let’s all encourage each other to believe in ourselves and that we have what it takes to make our dreams and goals a reality.

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous New Year!