4 Bad Habits That Damage Your Self-Esteem
# Breaking the Cycle of Destructive Habits for Your Self-Esteem
Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Your Own Worst Enemy?
Have you ever found yourself asking, “Why can t I have success like they?” Or is it always that way with me? If these questions sound familiar to you. You’re in good company!
Many of us, even people who are looking confident, happy and positive indulge into habits of undermining self-esteem without even realizing it. However, what if the tables could be turned? What if you could be your own biggest fan instead of worst enemy?
1. Are You Being Overly Critical of Yourself?
Have you ever fallen into a cycle of self-reproach? Those moments when the voice in your head is more of a keeper than an ally. It has an internal radio with no way to change the channel. But why do we put ourselves through this?
Self-talk can easily take negative forms, and internal dialogues affect one’s self-esteem. Can they change the way someone sees themselves or life? Here are some examples of negative self-talk in action:
- Not Meeting Personal Goals: “I’ll never make it. It’s not in my cards, anyway; everybody else is always better than me and it may be too late to even start!”
- During a Learning Process: “This is too hard to learn. Why does everybody else understand it and not me? Maybe I’m stupid or something.”
- After a Social Gathering: “You were so awkward at the party. I must have been showing off a fool of myself back there! People think you are weird, don’t they?”
- When Facing a New Challenge: “Why would you even bother? I don’t have it, but this is bound to fail. Only someone who is gifted with talents would be able to do it, but am I?”
Clearly, these are internal monologues that will influence our view of ourselves and what we can do.
But here’s the thing: and our brains are too ready to believe what we keep telling them. In other words, if you keep feeding your mind with self-doubt and criticism, this Persistent Input will reshape the way your brain forms a picture of who You are — and determine how much value it can ascribe to that image.
“The most important conversations we’ll ever have are the ones we have with ourselves. — David Goggins”
And how do you break the cycle? First, it’s about awareness. Catch yourself in the act. Are you too hard on yourself? Would you say these things to a good old friend?
Then it’s about turning the tables. Can’t say, ‘I always make a mistake like that. But each time I learn something new)? Thomas Edison once warned, “Never fear failure. It only means you’re improving.”
Add positive affirmations to your daily regimen. These are short, forceful statements designed to combat negative thinking. Many researches and studies have proved that positive self-affirmation can counter such behaviors.
For instance, if you make a mistake say to yourself instead something uplifting like “ I can do it!”. At first, this may feel strange but soon these affirmations begin changing the texture of your inner voice.
Also, bear in mind, that the aim is not to have no negative thoughts. That would be impossible! It’s only a matter of changing how you react to them, as and when it arises.
“”Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world, because it goes against your training, education, your culture. From the very beginning you have been told how you should be. Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are.”” — Osho
2. The Comparison Game: Why Do We Do It?
Ever get on Facebook or something, look at everybody’s pristine lives, and feel unappreciated? Do you ever feel like you are racing horses, and everyone else is ahead of you? This is the comparative game, and it’s a game you can never win. But why do we play it at all?
Well, naturally we tend to compare ourselves with others. It’s just as if we got a measuring tape on our heads that tells us whether we are getting better or not constantly. But here’s the catch: This habit could leave a serious dent in our self-esteem.
This is what psychological research reveals. As per Social comparison theory, Festinger wrote, “We compare ourselves with others in order to evaluate ourselves. The result is that comparison often means comparing one’s worst against someone else’s best.
Let’s take a case in actual life. Take the example of learning to play guitar. You are starting to get the hang of it, then you watch a friend playing that crazy solo like nothing. Suddenly, your own achievements seem less than impressive. It is the trap of comparison. You’re not observing the many mistakes your friend made along the way per hour of practice.
So, how do we break out of this cycle of comparison? Understanding that everyone’s journey is unique begins the process. No matter how small, celebrate your own progress.
Try this: next time you catch yourself comparing, change the roles. Don’t be sad because someone is in front; instead, ask yourself what you can learn from them or What have I achieved? No one else has been on your journey. As Dame Vanzant says so rightly, “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
Remember, life isn’t a competition. It is a journey of self-development. If you just use yourself as a gauge for your growth and happiness, in time this need to compare will decline.
Finally, the important thing is to understand your own road. Be yourself. The only people who are going to be judged of your life are “You and only you; You at the age of 16 who had wonderful and big dreams and you at the moment before the end of life, reflecting back on your life.”. That’s how you win at the comparison game.
3. Chasing Perfection: Is It Really Worth It?
Haven’t you found yourself thinking, “If I could just do this perfectly then everything would be OK”? How many times? We tend to be our own worst critics, setting standards too high. But here’s a thought: Does all that pursuit of perfection really make sense?
But sometimes the quest for perfection feels like it’s using a treadmill with an accelerating speed. The faster you run, the more elusive is that finish line which just keeps disappearing over its own horizon. It’s an unending pursuit that itself leaves athletes exhausted and empty.
We’ll get into this a little. Psychologists refer to this as the ‘Perfectionism paradox.’ The point is that in trying for perfection, one can get so wrapped up in perfecting the details he thereby prevents himself from attaining success.
Recall when you last tried doing something perfectly. Perhaps it was your job or a meal you prepared, perhaps even an email. Did you notice that the fear of making a mistake actually made the task even more difficult? Because the root of perfectionism is fear that someone will find you lacking, or that something might have gone wrong.
However, perfection doesn’t exist. It’s like chasing a mirage. Each time you think it’s almost there, it moves further still.
Therefore, how do you escape the perfection trap? Start by setting realistic goals. There’s no such thing as perfection, but excellence exists. From being perfect to doing your best. Don’t just celebrate the outcome. Also, making mistakes is human. They are opportunities to learn and develop, not indications of defeat.
4. Forgetting Self-Care: Are You Neglecting the Person in the Mirror?
After a long day of school or work, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wondered, when was the last time I talked to myself for a minute? We are all too easily swept off our feet by everyday life. However, let’s take a step back and ask — shouldn’t self-care be just as important?
Self-care is typically associated with spa days, and vacations. These are wonderful, but self-care is even better. It is to take your own time to take care of your both mental and physical health. Also, it’s about understanding that you can only give from what you have.
Why is it that we so frequently overlook this crucial aspect of life? And partly because we are taught that when you take care of yourself, it is self-indulgent. However, as the proverb goes, you can’t give from an empty vessel. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it is essential.
Here is a simple example to put it in perspective. Think of your life as a smartphone. At any time during the day, there are apps (work, family, and chores) chewing up your battery. What if you don’t recharge? As you suspected, the shutdown is upon us.
“Just like your iPhone running out of battery, you also need to be recharged.”
Here’s where it gets interesting. Self-care isn’t just doing bubble baths or naps, saying no when you have to and preemptively moving your boundaries so that sometimes things aren’t even offered. It’s about letting your body and mind guide you, then serving them what they need.
So, how can we make self-care fit into our busy lives? Start small. Which is as simple as taking five minutes in the morning to enjoy your coffee with no interference, going for a fifteen-minute walk, or deep breathing between meetings. And remember, it’s not the quantity that matters; it’s the quality.
Here is a mind-opening thought: Why not we start treating ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we offer to other people around us? This would Imagine how that could change our perspective on self-care.
Wrapping Up
Building a Healthier Self-Image: Can You See the Change?
How wonderful it would be to shatter these self-esteem-crushing habits. Imagine yourself bursting with self-esteem. Isn’t that a goal to strive for? Here are some simple yet effective steps to get you started:
- Practice Kindness to Yourself: Have you ever reprimanded a friend the way you criticize yourself?
- Set Achievable Goals: But Rome wasn’t built in a day. And how can you expect yourself to be any different?
- Surround Yourself with Positivity: We are easily impacted by people surrounding us, so start surrounding your life with positive/healthy-minded people!
- Embrace Your Flaws: They make you unique. Why try to be a replica when you’re one of a kind?
So, in short, by changing these four habits you begin to build a positive and resilient self-image. It’s about learning to be nicer to yourself, accepting your path as it is, and valuing the process.
Remember, You have the power to be your best self. It all begins with having faith in You.
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