Challenging the Myth: My Transformation as a Men in Love
Men Never Change, But Men in Love Do!
# From Depths of Despair to Heights of Wisdom: How Love Redefined My World
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It's the genuine connections and the spirit of true readership that I hold dear.Ever heard the old saying, ‘Love can move mountains’? Well, it’s not just a saying. In the heartwarming Korean story of “Ondal and Princess Pyeonggang”, love does wonders. It’s a tale that tells us how love can change a fool into a wise man.
And guess what? Something similar happened to me. I went through tough times, thinking all was lost… until love showed up and turned my life around. Let me share with you this magical journey of transformation. Before I start, for those of you who are unaware of the story of “Ondal and Princess Pyeonggang”, please have a look at this lovely story:
Tale of Foolish Ondal and Princess Pyeonggang
In ancient Korea, there was a kind-hearted but foolish man named Ondal. Despite his lack of intelligence, he was known for his good nature.
At the same time, in the royal palace, there was a beautiful and intelligent but incredibly willful Princess Pyeonggang. Her stubbornness and demanding behavior often troubled the royal court.
One day, the king got angry because Princess Pyeonggang wouldn’t listen to him. He told her if she didn’t start behaving properly, she would marry someone dumb like Ondal. The princess, unfazed by her father’s warning, continued her troublesome behavior.
True to his word, the king, in an attempt to curb his daughter’s stubbornness, declared that she would marry Ondal. Contrary to expectations, Princess Pyeonggang accepted this decision with surprising eagerness. She saw it as an opportunity to shape her destiny and perhaps to prove her father’s attempt at a lesson wrong.
Thus, Princess Pyeonggang willingly entered into marriage with Ondal. Although he was known as a fool, she found in him an earnest and kind-hearted man. This unexpected turn of events marked the beginning of a remarkable journey for both Ondal and the princess.
Remarkably, Ondal evolved into a wise and brave general. He led the army to victories and earned respect and admiration across the kingdom. His transformation was so profound that it surprised everyone who once knew him as a mere fool.
Princess Pyeonggang, who had once sought to defy her fate, found genuine love and respect for Ondal. She discovered that true strength and wisdom often remain hidden and that a person’s heart and ability to change are what truly define them.
The story of Foolish Ondal and Princess Pyeonggang is cherished in Korean culture. It shows us how love can be strong, why looks don’t matter, and that everyone can achieve greatness if they find someone who realizes their true value.
Long Depression and Darkest Period of My Life
I fell into deep depression after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She was someone I had believed I would marry in the future and yet I couldn’t keep my promise.
I had to fulfill my mandatory national service duty in Korea, and I knew she couldn’t wait for me. Trying to forget her proved to be quite a challenge. While serving National Service in South Korea, I spent weekends criticizing myself and my past decisions instead of socializing.
It took approximately two years of service in the Army and an additional year to return to Singapore and search for employment. I picked up a few bad habits during this time, like hurting myself on purpose, talking down to myself too much, playing games way too often and for long hours at a stretch, smoking very heavily drinking way more than I should have.
Thinking about that time, it was not only a waste but also the saddest part of my life. There wasn’t much good to expect and I felt hopeless when it came to love and being with others.
How I Met My Wife
I believe that God helped me to get free from the mental cell that I had made for myself to confine myself. I had never attended a Korean church in Singapore, as I preferred not to socialize with Koreans and speak Korean all the time.
However, one day, a friend casually invited me to her church. My wife and I were in the same Bible learning group that got together each Sunday. However, we didn’t talk a lot then because I was mostly into playing this online game called “League of Legends.” This went on for many months until it was time to visit my parent in Korea.
By chance, my wife wanted to go back to her home city in Korea and we just decided that would be a good meeting place. We didn’t imagine it would lead us into a relationship or marriage.
Long story short, similar to Princess Pyeonggang, she chose me despite my lack of possessions and numerous bad habits that I mentioned earlier. We dated for a long six years, thanks in part to COVID-19, and thanks to her, I managed to survive the most challenging times in Singapore. Without her, I would have felt lonely and might have returned to South Korea, like many of my Korean friends in Singapore.
What’s Changed after Meeting My Wife:
- I have successfully quit smoking. It took several attempts, but she was always there to support me.
- I have abstained from drinking for two months now.
- I have given up gaming. It was a tough journey, and I had to install and uninstall the game more than eight times before quitting for good.
- I have embraced regular exercise, and I now love going to the gym. I started to exercise regularly, at least three days a week.
- I wanted to improve myself and gain knowledge about AI/Machine learning so I took 2 years part-time Master’s course from NUS.
- I started my journey as writer in Medium to share insights on self-improvement and a growth mindset. I write my articles with the belief that these stories will be shared with my future child.
- I changed to have a very positive mindset. Also, now I feel very thankful for my life for who I am, and for what I have.
For those interested in my journey of quitting smoking after smoking for 10-plus years, please click on the below link:
Why I Changed and What Changed Me
Many people around me witnessed my transformation and inquired about why I was giving up things I used to enjoy the most and making these changes. They seemed genuinely interested in understanding my motivation.
To clarify, my wife never asked me to change.
She never voiced concerns about my actions or complained about my bad habits. All she did was love and respect me for who I was, without expecting more. She truly made me aspire to become a better version of myself to make her happier.
I don’t really see big differences between being married and just dating. Our life seems to be mostly the same as before we got married, but maybe because we have not had any kids yet.
Personally, I am a little scared, because lots of people around me have told me that being a parent can be hard. They say, “When you have a baby your honeymoon is over. You won’t sleep and can’t rest.” But we will find out for sure how it turns out.
Even when we’re simply sharing space without saying a single word, we feel remarkably comfortable with each other. Somehow, even the same meal tastes much better when I’m having it with her.
Wrapping it up
During my life’s journey, she has been more than a partner. She guided me through dark times, revealing a new path. The first thing I see in the morning is the most beautiful girl in the world sleeping soundly next to me. And in that quiet moment, I’m hit with this wave of thankfulness. It’s amazing how love can surprise you like that. These morning moments have become something of a peaceful routine for me, a time when I’m just filled with gratitude.
Being with her has taught me something important, especially through our ups and downs.
A strong relationship isn’t about possessions, but growth together. It’s about becoming the best versions of ourselves, side by side.
It’s about accepting and loving each other for who we are while evolving together. My story serves as proof of the incredible power of love and the beauty of growing as a team.
As I share this narrative, my wish is for everyone to experience such love and joy. Love should nurture, inspire growth, and cherish the true self. In the end, it’s about finding love and a shared journey of continuous growth and boundless gratitude. I hope love shows you the way, guiding you to be your best self.
‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’ — Lao Tzu
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