Intro to Narcissists 101
Navigating the Narcissistic Maze: 7 Signs You Need to Know
# Essential Guide for Recognizing and Responding to Narcissism in Relationships
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It's the genuine connections and the spirit of true readership that I hold dear.Many of us had experience in dealing with someone who, after every encounter, just leaves you drained and disheartened. They almost feel like ‘Energy Vampires’, draining all your energy and positivity. If you find yourself regularly triggered like this by someone, maybe you are dealing with a narcissist. They are everywhere around you. They can be your friend, colleague, or even family in some unfortunate cases.
But don’t worry, this isn’t about finding fault and blaming. Making ourselves happier and healthier is the key task we are trying to solve here. Knowing the real identity of this narcissist is crucial because their characteristics are often hidden and easy to miss.
It will not be possible not to encounter them but I will let you know the key signs of their behavior and characteristics of narcissists. Many of these signs which are definite red flags usually missed by many of us if we are not aware of them or don’t pay attention to them.
1. Distortion of Reality
Narcissists are superb at manipulating. They are always right, and everyone else is wrong. They often talk about their hard past, sharing their stories as if they were victims. Little by little, they get you into mind tricks and make you question everything including yourself. These are what they call ‘gaslighting’ and something they do often.
Here’s an example
Imagine you catch them lying. But they never admit it — they just twist things around, making you think that all along you imagined the whole thing wrongly. Does that sound familiar? It is like playing a game, where you’re continually guessing what is true and false.
Thus, if your partner is constantly telling you sad stories about themselves or giving off a feeling that confuses you with what is reality or truth, these are signs of warning.
2. Refusal to Apologize
In any happy relationship, apologies should be mutual. However, when you’re with a narcissist, you will observe that they rarely admit to their misbehavior. When it comes to an argument — they’ve got a knack for making you the one who caused all the trouble, and them as poor innocent victims. We all know the truth is the other way around! Think of this as a magician’s trick, but it would not be fun at all. They dodge and change the subject way many times that you finally find yourself apologizing to them instead. Sound crazy right? They simply won’t accept the blame. This can be very frustrating and confusing especially if your partner or close family is behaving like that.
Let’s look into this case
You get upset because they (narcissists) forgot something important (like your anniversary with them). You have a valid reason to be upset, right? However, they might even turn it around and say you’re making a big deal out of it instead! Sounds Crazy, right? But what’s more crazy and scary is that after their “Gaslighting”, you also think that they may be right. That’s how they avoid apologizing, and make you question yourself. If you find the pattern that your relationship keeps going this way, that’s a huge red flag.
3. Secrecy and Manipulation
Narcissists are very good at superficially looking stylish and proudly showing off to other people, but behind closed doors, they hide the true nature of their personality. Even a close friend may be completely fooled! This kind of two-faced behavior gives their partners no choice but to suffer.
Picture this
You’re at a party and your mate is telling everyone all these jokes and having a great time. However, when you’re alone with them it’s a different story. They may try to manipulate you, play psychological games with you, or hurt your feelings. They’re like two different people. This leaves you feeling alone and stuck.
At the party, they may smile from ear to ear; at home, they might explode over trivial matters and then blame everything on you. Gradually it dawns on you that if you told the other side of this partner to all your friends, no one would believe a word. This is one tricky situation that can leave you feeling stuck in a good-looking relationship but bad on the inside.
4. Enjoyment of Control
A narcissist wants to be in charge as much as the fish needs water. They want to control everything their spouses do — what they eat and drink, and how they spend the day. However, when you try to resist them, they get angry with you and make you feel like an enemy of theirs.
You feel like you are in the company of a puppet master who controls all your strings. Soon you sense that you can no longer think for yourself. The person in your head also gradually fades away. If you think of yourself as just one more little piece or toy in the game, that’s trouble.
Another Classic Example
For instance, if you want to get together with your friends but they want to stay home by themselves. If you mention it, they really get mad and call you selfish. This sort of control can make you feel suffocating, as though your identities are gradually being erased.
5. Demanding Evidence in Conflicts
When you challenge a narcissist, they’re talented at shifting the blame. Unless you’ve brought really solid evidence onto the table, they won’t admit it was their mistake. However, once you do present them with evidence, they always find a way to change it around and make it your fault. It seems they’re always prepared with a response — to everything.
Imagine this
Let’s say that you catch your partner in a lie. You have irrefutable evidence that they are wrong. Yet rather than say sorry or admit to it they start arguing and picking apart your evidence. They try to sound like you’re mistaken. This is like catching hold of a very slippery fish — it’s so frustrating, you feel helpless.
For instance, you come upon messages that show they weren’t where they said and lied to you about it. But when you show them, they make up excuses such as that the messages are out of context. It’s so hard to prove anything that you start thinking it isn’t even worth the effort. Narcissists use this as one of their classic signs to avoid responsibility.
6. Hypocrisy in Behavior
Narcissists accuse others of the very things they’re doing wrong themselves. For example, they might accuse you of lying or cheating even though it is their own doing.
Picture this
Your partner constantly says you can’t be trusted. But just then, it turns out that he was secretly chatting with his ex. You bring this up and try to confront him, he will try to twist the narrative and blame you for it instead. As I said, it’s confusing and makes you think that you’re going nowhere. Such as, you’ll take out the messages you discovered, and they might say something like: “Why are you checking up on me? I didn’t do anything wrong so there must be something to hide if that is why you’re poking around.”
The spotlight falls off them onto yourself again. 😰
This is a typical method used by narcissists to evade detection and confuse you.
7. Emotional Abuse in Breakups
It hurts bad to split with a narcissist. This is because narcissists fear losing control and baring their souls. When you attempt to split up, they often come out with more tricks so that you’ll stay.
Imagine this
Finally, you decide to break it off. But afterward, the nice person turns cruel and nasty. To ensure that you won’t leave, they try so many approaches; from making you feel guilty to scaring and threatening you. It’s like being caught in a web.
For instance, they’ll say things like this:
- ‘You will not find anyone who loves you more than I do.’
- ‘If we break up, I would be so lost.’
They use such words to tug at your heartstrings, making it hard for one not to stay around. It’s a bad situation, pulling you back in just when it seemed like I was finally free.
Importance of Personal Feelings
After learning about how narcissists act, ask yourself what you feel in a relationship. A good relationship must be characterized by love, trust, and respect.
Don’t spend all day thinking about what your partner is doing and neglect how you feel. Your feelings are really important. Don’t forget, that you genuinely deserve to be in a relationship where you are important, respected, and loved.
For instance, if you are often upset or worried because of your lover’s behavior, that is a hint to focus on yourself more. Reflect on what makes you happy and think about your needs in a relationship. It’s alright to place your feelings first and make sure you are treated right.
Bringing It All Home
Below are the traits of narcissists to watch out for:
- Distortion of Reality: Avoid gaslighting and manipulation. No matter how much someone tries to persuade you, your perception and feelings are valid.
- Refusal to Apologize: Know when your partner passes the buck. If you have a partner who won’t admit their mistakes, it means an unbalanced relationship.
- Secrecy and Manipulation: Remember the dual personality of a narcissist. What happens up front and what occurs behind the scenes are two different things.
- Enjoyment of Control: Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. As far as your independence and choices go, no one should dominate them but you.
- Demanding Evidence in Conflicts: Avoid their lawyer-like tricks. Rely on your own experience and don’t let people turn the truth.
- Hypocrisy in Behavior: Watch out for their projection games. It is clearer when someone accuses you of something and they are not innocent.
- Emotional Abuse in Breakups: Seek help and escape their clutches. There are advantages to breaking off this type of relationship, despite the pain involved.
- Importance of Personal Feelings: Prioritize your emotional well-being. A relationship should enhance, not impoverish your life. You deserve to be loved, honored, and valued.
Wrapping It Up
Living with a narcissist is extremely challenging. The only way you can be happy is to let go of that person eventually and perpetually. It’s like going on a winding mountain road. But if you realize that these are the signs, then it becomes easier to see what is taking place and make decisions in your interest.
Be good to yourself, and your happiness is the most important.
You should be with someone who from the bottom of their heart truly cherishes and loves you for yourself. And when you are with that kind of person, you feel loved, cared, and blessed.
If you have confirmed that the person is a narcissist, try to leave the relationship ASAP. Talk to a friend, relative, or counselor. The most important are happiness and a feeling of well-being.
It’s not easy, but you can do it. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve a good relationship. Start believing in yourself and your ability to make positive changes.
“Just remember, so long as you take one step away from negativity, it’s a step closer to life that is brighter and more positive.”
On a final note, if you have ever been in a relationship like this, please feel free to share your experiences to benefit other people who are reading this and can also learn from it!
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