3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Play with Your Children
And not feel guilty about it
I don’t like playing with my children.
Did that get your attention? Ok, it’s not entirely true, but I definitely don’t always enjoy playing.
So the truth is: I love my kids more than anything in the world. I also do like playing with them most of the time. We cook, build with Lego and play outside together. One of our favourite activities is to go to the playground and chase each other on the equipment, pretending we are monsters. It’s fun and my kids’ full belly laughter during this game is infectious.
However, if I am being brutally honest, some of their games make me want to bang my head against a wall sometimes. I don’t want to always play with my kids, and I don’t feel guilty about it. Neither should you.
Here are my top 3 reasons:
1. It teaches children to play independently
I’ve written about the importance of encouraging independent play in the past, but I will harp on it again.
Independent play is brilliant for children to develop their creativity. When children are left to play by themselves, they can experience boredom, which promotes better imaginations and creative play.
I leave my kids to play in a safe space throughout the day: Usually in the morning after breakfast, midday and while I’m preparing dinner. I can always see them while they are playing by themselves and I always marvel at what they come up with. For example, my daughter will collect leaves and flowers outside and make decorative patterns along the footpath, or she’ll recreate moments at kindergarten using her figurines. My son experiments with how high he can build towers with his blocks and sees how far they will travel when he knocks them down.
I would never be able to come up with the activities they choose to do when they are by themselves, and I can see that they are learning and experimenting every day.
2. Children learn that parents need their own time too
Parenting is work and, like most other jobs, you can experience burnout. It is real and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
I personally think it is helpful for children to learn that their parents need their own space. You are a human with wants and needs. Just as a parent should respect their child’s wants and needs, a child needs to respect their parents too.
I always refer back to my favourite quote from my favourite parenting book by Roslyn Ross:
Be the hero you wish to see in your children.
The way I see it, my children might become parents, too, one day. I want to teach them how important it is for a mum and a dad to have their own time. I want them to enter parenthood not feeling guilty when they can’t play with their kids. I think leading by example is a great way to teach them.
3. You don’t need to pretend you like all their games
One of the problems with children, especially young children, is that they like to play the same games over and over because it helps with their learning and development.
However, I don’t know about you, but I hate it when my kids dominate the play and make me do the same activities on repeat all day long. Personally, I really don’t like imaginative play with dolls. I don’t like picking up dolls and making them talk to each other. My daughter loves it (actually, I remember playing that way as a child too), but I don’t like it now. And my daughter wants to imaginative play in the same way, with the exact same words, every single day.
If I played with my kids all day long, I would either rob them of the opportunity to play the games I don’t like, or I would have just had to endure them. It is my personal opinion that it is inauthentic to play in a way and at a time that you don’t want to. Respectfully telling your kids you don’t enjoy the game is a great lesson for when their friends don’t want to play their games in the playground.
What to do instead:
- Find times during the day when your kids can play by themselves. I prefer to play with my kids first and also share a meal together while chatting before getting my kids to play by themselves.
- Tell your kids that you need your own time. I like to be as respectful towards my kids as I can. I think part of that is simply being honest with them, so I tell them that I need my alone time. I tell them it is ok to want some space for yourself sometimes.
- Make a list of games you enjoy playing with your children. I think it is helpful to write them down, even if it is just on your phone so that when it is time to play with your kids, you have a collection of ideas ready.
Playing is the way that children learn and it is vital to their development. Yes, parents playing with children is great, but it is not essential. Children learn so much when their parents step back and let them be.
If you like this article, you might also like: