Summary

The article presents a satirical analysis of the factors contributing to the success of Medium articles, suggesting that writing about popular topics or using clickbait strategies yields more engagement than following traditional writing advice.

Abstract

The author of the article, presumably a seasoned writer, humorously reflects on the unpredictability of success on Medium. Despite following recommended writing practices, the author's articles did not receive the expected level of engagement. The article suggests that unique visuals, mentions of famous people, and even adherence to so-called "best practices" have little impact on an article's popularity. Instead, the subject matter is identified as a key determinant of success, with topics like feminism, sexism, politics, self-improvement, and pop culture references to shows like "Friends" or "Seinfeld" significantly outperforming other content. The author concludes by advising writers to focus on these subjects to achieve greater success, while also introducing a tongue-in-cheek 12-step program for Medium users to cope with the platform's unpredictable nature.

Opinions

The author believes that following Medium's best writing practices does not guarantee success.
Unique visuals, despite the author's expertise in graphic design, are deemed less effective than common visual tropes like cat pictures.
Mentioning famous people in headlines is seen as an ineffective strategy for increasing engagement.
Clickbait headlines and listicles are considered a special skill that the author has not mastered, despite their background in advertising.
The author's analysis suggests that certain subjects, such as feminism, politics, and pop culture, consistently receive more engagement.
There is a perceived disparity in engagement based on the author's gender and the subject of rape culture.
The author facetiously suggests that writing about globally recognized movies or shows is a surefire way to achieve success on Medium.
The author has created a 12-step program to help Medium users cope with the pursuit of popularity on the platform.

THE ULTIMATE WRITING GUIDES, PART 4

How to Write Up to 600 Times Better!

A reverse engineered analysis of great writing on Medium

Another exploration of the online writing game from the Dark Ages. Back then, we craved little green hearts instead of claps.

Have you ever wondered why some articles have way more claps than you have ever gotten in views?

Keep reading and the secret will be revealed.

If you’re like me and love to write, occasionally you think you have written a really good article, like that time over ONE THOUSAND people viewed my story (not a comment piggybacked on someone else’s monster article). Before I could start to feel too good about this admittedly external and superficial metric that is totally outside my control, I got a little reality check…

Some articles get more of those green hearts than the total number of people who viewed my most popular article.

To better understand this phenomenon and improve my results, I’ve put in some serious time analyzing this problem and here are the results of my scientific inquiry:

1. Following best practices does not work.

I read an article called “What makes an article popular on Medium? We analyzed 10,000+ data points to find out.” It specifically says your success is determined by the strength of your writing, and then explains the eight commandments of strong writing for Medium.

My attempt to follow these rules and become hugely successful resulted in what I now call “The Lord of the Greens,” a triology of articles that is basically the same article with different headlines, pictures and subheads, published in three different time zones on a Tuesday.

But it could also have been a Saturday, according to the aforementioned guide to popular writing.

Result: 30 totals recommends at the time of this writing for the articles. Sadly, the last one had some terrific bonus material, but was ignored.

2. Unique visuals do not attract more attention (stick to cats or women)

In this particular area, I thought I would have a huge advantage, considering I have been a professional graphic designer for over twenty years. I found that my use of Venn diagrams, flow charts, custom artwork, photoshopped forgeries of major newspapers, and pretty much anything that I considered eye catching and relevant to the story had less effect than a well chosen cat picture (to be fair, this is a hilarious article, but there are other examples of average articles that have no distinguishing feature other than the cat photo).

3. Mentioning famous people in your headline does not work.

Following the brilliant example of Henry Wismayer’s article “A Click-Bait Experiment, and the Navel-Gazing Problem that Threatens to Ruin Medium,” I tried the same tactic here. The results were, as always, disappointing.

4. Tantilizing click bait headlines for listicles is a superpower beyond my abilities.

I’ve only made a living writing ad concepts and the occasional TV or radio script, so it’s clear I have no business claiming any kind of expertise as a writer. I don’t know why, but articles like “3.14 Secrets to Life without Self-help Posts, “8 Simple Steps to Become a News Maker,” and “8 secrets the donut can teach your start up company,” have not yielded any real traction compared to the all too familiar Gods of Medium.

5. Your subject matter turns out to be the key variable that determines your popularity.

The following list reveals these conclusive findings about how subject matter relates to popularity. I have used what I regard as my best story, and my most popular stories as a baseline, providing the following metrics: subject, total hearts, and better writing coefficient. I am confident that you, too, can attain superior results, and therefore prove your writing superiority by plugging your stories into the following categories:

My best story: Media’s failure covering Flint water crisis, 18 ❤

Feminist story (rape culture) written by a woman, 60 ❤ — 3.33 X better

My most popular: Explain sexism using modern fable, 147 ❤ — 8.16 X better

Various articles supporting Bernie Sanders, 400-600 ❤ — 33.3 X better

Quit your job because of tech industry interviews, 1,400 ❤ — 77.7 X better

Woman talks about sex & make fun of partners, 1,500 ❤ — 83.3 X better

Sponsored “article” extolling the virtues of Hillary, 1,900 ❤ — 106 X better

Self improvement post using repurposed content, 2,500 ❤ — 139 X better

Get fired from your job because of your letter, 3,200 ❤ — 177 X better

Feminist story (rape culture) written by a man, 3,600 ❤ — 200 X better

Famous tech bro article on start-ups or business, 4,500 ❤ — 250 X better

Discuss cultural implications of Friends sitcom, 10,800 ❤ — 600 X better

Conclusion #1: write about a movie or show with a global following and you will write 600 times better than me!

It is clear. From now on, I will only write about Star Wars, Harry Potter and Friends (maybe Seinfeld, but the research is still out on that one).

Conclusion #2: Recognize that you are an addict and get help

The only real solution to the problem is to recognize there is another completely different problem which is more vital to your well being. That’s why I started a 12-step program for Medium users.

I hope this guide will help you in your quest to become the best writer you can possibly be. If you have any other secrets to share with the rest of us, please put them in the comments below.

Thank you.

Here is where you can find the first seven parts of the Ultimate Writing Guides.

The only writing guide you’ll ever need

Seven steps to find your true voice in a hilarious, gut wrenching, illuminating, addicting, depressing, and finally…

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