avatarLon Shapiro

Summary

The text discusses unconventional writing advice that emphasizes authenticity, emotional depth, and personal experiences over conventional metrics for online writing success.

Abstract

The author critiques the emphasis on data-driven writing tips that prioritize user engagement metrics, such as the number of "hearts" on Medium, over genuine storytelling. They advocate for writing from the heart, drawing from personal hardships and joys, rather than following formulaic writing recipes. The piece encourages writers to write with sincerity, drawing from their own lives to create content that resonates with readers on a deeper level. It also satirically suggests that one should not be overly concerned with follower expectations and should instead have fun with the writing process. The author humorously implies that writing in an authentic voice can be more impactful than adhering to supposed "rules" for garnering online popularity.

Opinions

  • The author believes that emotional honesty and personal suffering in storytelling create more meaningful and relatable content than data-optimized writing.
  • They value the experiences and insights that come from living a life full of diverse experiences over the advice of self-proclaimed writing "gods."
  • There is a critique of popular writing advice that is detached from the human experience and focuses on superficial metrics of success.
  • The author mocks the idea of strategically timing and altering articles to fit algorithms, suggesting it's a soulless approach to writing.
  • There is an appreciation for humor and satire as important elements in writing, born out of personal struggles and the absurdities of life.
  • The author suggests that writing should be enjoyable and exploratory, not solely a means to gain followers or please an existing audience.
  • They sarcastically recommend sleeping with Medium editors as a way to gain exposure, highlighting the sometimes arbitrary nature of online visibility.
  • The piece concludes with a satirical take on "California cool" writing secrets, implying that such superficial tips are no substitute for genuine writing.

THE ULTIMATE WRITING GUIDES, PART 3

Powerful West Coast Writing Secrets That Blow Away the East Coast!

Not cool, Dude, trending articles are bogus

Photo by Cliff Johnson on Unsplash

Part of this post is a response to this article about writing. The author provided some handy analysis on how to get more hearts. (If I put the word “recommendations” last sentence, my writing level is too high.) The other part is an encouragement to write something that means something to you.

1. Write from the corazon, ese.

All the self-improvement, start-up, and entrepreneurial posts by the Gods of Medium combined can’t hold a candle to the emotional power of this one story.

It’s been one week since her story published and am I the only person who read it? How is this possible? Ryan, try reading her story and tell me about how Medium is a “democratic haven where the most interesting articles will excel.”

These antiseptic regurgitations of popular social science leave me cold and bored. Even if I unfollow the dominant “writers” on Medium, if one of my favorite writers recommend a story, it shows up in my feed.

Please don’t follow these absurd ideas. They are neither a measure of good writing technique nor unleashing our ability as humans to think and feel and explore.

The writings of people who have suffered are the only ones that ring true. I’m talking about you, Vincent, and Abby, and Heather. Only through the forge of personal suffering, come the hilarious raging insights of Holly. Or the innocent questioning by Talia.

I’m not sure about the personal histories of my favorite humorists, but I assume all you clowns were outcasts, like me. Or, somebody really pissed you off because of a bad burrito. Or you’ve been stuck in too many stupid corporate meetings.

Nobody gives a rat’s ass about your thousands of followers (sorry Ellie, you’ll have to buy a K jacket if you want one). But if you can make us burst out laughing just once in a post, you’ve got more talent than 95% of the sitcom writers in Hollywood.

I was lucky to have had a rough, but not too rough childhood. At different times, each one of my parents abandoned me, only to come back and try to heal our relationship. (That’s what saved me.) Every friend I had either died early, moved away, or ended up in a rehab facility. And I had my share of run-ins with authority. Looking back, all I can say is I was lucky to have been a white kid.

The pain I’ve experienced has been a blessing. Too much, and the damage might have destroyed me. Too little and I would actually be this guy.

I know what it feels like to be in so much physical pain that it consumes your every thought. The fear of the next wave of pain is almost worse torture than the pain itself. I have felt the desperation of searching for a position that doesn’t hurt. I have made that deal with the devil where I would be willing to stay in a wheelchair for the rest of my life if there was no more pain. And I’m not proud to admit that it only took a few hours for me to reach that point.

I was relieved to pass through that torture chamber on a one day pass. For so many people, pain is all they know, twenty-four hours a day. It helped me understand my mom. She refused to exercise after surviving a horrible car accident that left her with an artificial hip and knee, and a torn rotator cuff.

2. Write what you’ve lived, because living is so much cooler than not.

Rich narcissists born on third base who think they hit a home run don’t count. Neither do people who actually believe the saying “it’s crowded here at the center of the universe.” And hateful idiots whose only purpose is to spread their disease

I was lucky to have been born in a diverse city in this country at a time when civil rights reached critical mass. I was never chased home from school by a group of kids yelling “Christ killer” and “kike.” Ninety years later, and tears still well up in my dad’s eyes when he tells the story.

Today, we watch a return to the worst of mob hatred as Herr Drumpf emcees his latest reality show. With so many cuts in education and no more civics classes, are we destined to repeat the mistakes of the past?

I was lucky to have been born at a time when my parents could buy a house, pay for college and save for retirement. Thirty years earlier, and I would have been a child of the Great Depression. Thirty years later, and I’d be another millennial living with my parents.

This new generation has got a lot in common with the Greatest Generation. I hope you outdo them. Do it sooner rather than later, especially because of the upcoming election.

I’ve been lucky enough to be a husband and father, and always in the game, no matter what life has thrown at us.

Is it any wonder that I read and write about all the subjects I do, plus anything else that catches my interest?

Don’t be afraid to disappoint your legion of followers. It’s not like your livelihood depends on writing for Medium. If people like your style, voice and perspective, they’ll be happy to see you explore something new. You can’t keep writing the same jaded snarky posts forever, and your readers probably feel the same way.

3. Have fun with it, dudes and dudettes.

Which is exactly why I posted this article on Tuesday night in Australia, did a small rewrite and rescheduled on the East Coast and did another for the folks on the left coast.

As explained previously, I needed some extra filler in order to get my article up to the magic six minute read. That’s worth 20–40% more recommends. Combine that with the 25% bonus for writing like a sixth grader, 20% bonus for 12–15 word sentences, 43% bonus for easy to read sentences, 21% bonus for use power words like powerful (shouldn’t I get a 42% bonus for using the word twice?), 20% bonus for sentence title case title, 25% increase for a call to action, and 33% increase for publishing on a Tuesday. By my calculations, that’s about a 217% increase in recommendations. In other words, I should have about 126 hearts for this post, 401 for the one after that, and 1,272 for the third post.

4. Sleep with one of the Medium editors

This may not get your story recommended by the Medium editors, but they’re a pretty attractive and entertaining group, so it’s definitely worth it.

It doesn’t take a marketing genius to know that if you have an article featured in the Medium e-newsletter, that’s like a million pairs of eyeballs (with apologies to pirates and anyone else who has had an accident) that have a chance to see your title and click on the link.

5. Awesome California bonus secrets, because we are that cool.

Make sure to only type on an all organic, locally sourced keyboard. Use sustainable sources of energy to power your computer. And commune with nature when you write by sitting in the outdoor patio at Starbucks.

None of this will actually help your writing, but we can all use a little good karma, right?

ARCHEOLOGICAL BONUS!

Have a look at what we attention junkies were doing back in 2016…

Please recommend this post (❤) so your followers can change their lives forever, too! Just make up a few extra profiles, so you can vote extra times. If my mom was still alive and knew how to use a computer, she would create hundreds of profiles to upvote her baby. Where are the zombies when you need them?

Depressed about your stats? Feeling lonely and isolated because no one interacts with your stories? Don’t worry! Nothing has changed for me since 2016, and I’m still here.

The Ultimate Writing Guides will teach you everything you never wanted to know about online writing.

Part 1: 3 Powerful Secrets to Successful, Powerful Writing (the original rant about online writing success).

Part 2: 33% More Powerful Writing Secrets. (Part 1 slightly altered, but with one extra secret to success. Published the same day, 9 a.m., E.S.T.)

Part 3: West Coast Powerful Writing Secrets That Blow Away the East Coast! (Part 1 was reworked with stories about my dad and an awesome California bonus secret because we are that cool. Published the same day, but at 9 a.m., P.S.T.)

Writing
Humor
California
Satire
Rants
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