Your Carefully Crafted Headline is Headed Toward Medium Mayhem

Summary

The web content is a humorous take on the misinterpretation of Medium article headlines, with the author playfully altering them to create comedic effect.

Abstract

The article begins with the author recounting a morning when a sleepy misreading of a Medium headline led to a humorous revelation. This sets the stage for a series of satirical reinterpretations of various article titles, transforming them into absurd and exaggerated versions of themselves. The author's intent is to amuse the reader by juxtaposing the original sincerity of self-help and lifestyle articles with ridiculous and over-the-top advice or scenarios. The piece concludes with a nod to the author's previous work and a self-deprecating acknowledgment of their own humor, inviting readers to explore more of their comedic content on Medium.

Opinions

The author finds humor in the juxtaposition of sincere self-help advice with absurd actions, as seen in the altered headline "Take The Signs The Universe Gives You / And then run FROM them."
There is an acknowledgment of the struggle to be funny and the commitment to ride the comedic wave, as expressed in the reference to "the thinnest rope of being funny."
The author playfully suggests that their morning feed has been influenced by LSD, indicating a surreal twist to the headlines they encountered.
Several headlines have been creatively modified to include capitalized words for comedic emphasis, such as "#1: How to Solve These 5 UNDERTAKER Writer’s Problems / To become a better writer, even if it KILLS YOU."
The piece reflects on the challenges of writing and the desire for recognition and compensation, as seen in the lengthy subhead of "#9: One Good Night Does Not a RELATIONSHIP Make."
The author humorously contemplates shifting their writing focus to cater to a Canadian audience, based on the assumption that Canadians might appreciate their work more due to colder weather.
Self-awareness is evident when the author refers to themselves and other Medium writers as "DIMWITS," followed by a humble admission of guilt.
The article ends with a self-promotional note, directing readers to more of the author's humorous articles, suggesting a recurring theme of humor in their writing.

Walking the fine line between sincerity and SlackJaw

I woke up this morning and opened up Medium on my phone.

The combined effects of being half asleep and squinting my eyes to read the fine print caused me to misread the headline of the first article on my feed (the mistake is in capital letters). It made me laugh the way you do when you’re either a little high or sleep deprived — part of you tells yourself it’s not that funny, but you crack up anyway.

Take The Signs The Universe Gives You

And then run FROM them.

There was something about the sincerity of this self-help headline and the absurd action recommended that is still making me laugh out loud.

I hope it amuses you, too.

Because any time I grab hold of the thinnest rope of being funny, I will jump on that slouched-back old nag and ride it into the ground long past its last rodeo. (Hope I did you proud with the cowboy reference, P.G.)

With apologies to all our fine writers and stories, I give you the morning feed dipped in LSD. Capitalized words are my changes.

#11: How to Stop Overthinking

You’re missing out on what’s in front of you, AS WELL AS WHAT’S BEHIND YOU, WAIT? WHAT’S THAT THING OVER TO THE SIDE? I COULD BE MISSING OUT ON THAT AS WELL. HOLY SHIT, THIS IS THE LONGEST SUBHEAD EVER. WILL THE MEDIUM APP EVEN LET ME WRITE THIS? WILL PEOPLE STILL READ MY POST? MY DOG IS HOWLING. IS THERE A COYOTE OUTSIDE? BETTER LOCK THE DOORS. I’M GETTING DISTRACTED. FOCUS. FOCUS. THIS IS ABOUT WRITING, AND I’M DETERMINED TO MAKE MORE THAN FIFTEEN CENTS ON SOMETHING I SPENT AN ENTIRE DAY CRAFTING. MY WIFE IS LAUGHING AT ME, TELLING ME I’M WASTING MY TIME. AND SHE’S NOT EVEN LAUGHING AT MY STORIES. GOD I THOUGHT BEING A WRITER WOULD BRING AN INCREDIBLE LIFE OF DONUTS AND A YATCH ON THE MEDITERRANEAN. AND ALL THOSE WOMEN THROWING THEMSELVES ON ME ON THAT YACHT. MY WIFE WOULDN’T KNOW. SHE WON’T BE ON THE YACHT, BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T LAUGH AT MY HUMOROUS STORY. WHO’LL BE LAUGHING THEN, EH? THAT WASN’T AN INDICATION I’M FROM CANADA. NICE COUNTRY, BUT TOO COLD. ON THE OTHER HAND, IF IT’S TOO COLD TO GO OUTSIDE, MAYBE PEOPLE WILL BE MORE INTO READING. I SHOULD CRAFT MY STORIES FOR THE CANADIAN AUDIENCE. IT’S ABOAT TIME SOMEONE APPRECIATED MY CREATIVE GENIUS. I KNOW, I’LL WRITE ABOUT BEER. THEY LIKE BEER, RIGHT? THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT! BUT I SHOULD REALLY GET BACK TO MY ORIGINAL ARTICLE AND FINISH IT, SHOULDN’T I? NO, FUCK IT. NONE OF THEM HOSERS ARE GOING TO READ THIS ANYWAY. NOW I’VE JUST GOT TO COME UP WITH A SNAPPY CANADIAN THEMED HEADLINE…

PART ONE

Your Carefully Crafted Headline is Headed Toward Medium Mayhem

Walking the fine line between sincerity and SlackJaw

Take The Signs The Universe Gives You

#1: How to Solve These 5 UNDERTAKER Writer’s Problems

#2: What Your College Major Says About Your Life Post-Grad

#3: Advantages of Quality Female EJACULATION: A Look to the Future

#4: Why I’m Afraid of Branding Myself

#5: The Revolutionary Power of a Midday BIRTH

#6: No Surprise

#7: Tech Isn’t Vulnerable — BUT You Are, HUMAN

#8: Can I Ask to Be Included in My Partner’s Will?

#9: One Good Night Does Not a RELATIONSHIP Make

#10: A Radical Guide to Spending Less Time on Your Phone

#11: How to Stop Overthinking

#12: Medium’s Brightest Lights Might Be DIMWITS

Hilarious Howling Headlines Mishandled by a Medium Mauler

Still walking that line between sincerity and SlackJaw

Hell Hath No Fury Like Hallucination Hounding Humorous Headlines.

It’s not my fault! Okay, maybe it is.

It’s 10:00 PM. Do You Know Where Your Headlines Are?

All your carefully crafted titles are at risk.