You Need to Clear Your Emotional Clutter Now

Free yourself with a new kind of Spring cleaning

The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t.~Marie Kondo

Decluttering has gained popularity in recent years. Maybe it’s because we’ve accumulated more stuff than ever before.

Marie Kondo’s bestseller, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, incorporates Shintoism to bring life to our belongings. Every inanimate object carries energy. Anything that doesn’t spark joy needs to be thanked, then promptly discarded. She coined the term KonMari for clearing clutter in this fashion.

I periodically KonMari my belongings, although she claims you can do it only once when thorough. I do a modified version. I check how I feel about an item. Whatever no longer serves me needs to go.

It’s almost time for Spring cleaning, which made me think of the different kinds of clutter we accumulate in our lives.

We tend to overlook emotional and mental clutter. Worn out ideas, thinking, and behaviors stop forward movement and rob us of inner peace. We need to exfoliate more than our skin. We need to do what I call spiritual exfoliation.

Spiritual exfoliation includes letting go of old habits and behaviors no longer serving us. When we’re willing to release what’s broken, we create space for healthy living.

Emotional baggage has no place in our home, in our physical space, minds, and hearts.

Here are a few things to discard:

Fear and anger

Anger is often an outward expression of fear. We’re afraid of losing control. We fear we might lose what we have or not get what we want. We lash out, like a wild animal protecting themselves. We could turn anger inward, which can manifest as anxiety and depression.

I’ve been getting angry at my kids for not eating enough. I’ve shared before how I was briefly neglected and had to steal food. My past trauma exacerbates my fear they’re not getting enough to eat. It comes out as anger toward them. Why won’t they take care of themselves? But blaming them won’t help. None of us are starving.

I don’t need to fight to survive. I was projecting my fear onto them. I had to let go of my old reactions. I changed how I responded. Our relationship is healthier as a result.

Resentment

Holding onto anger and wrongdoings leads to resentment. I’ve heard in 12-step meetings resentment is the number one offender. It will eat you up inside. Resenting someone won’t heal you.

How do we let go of resentment? My 12-step program helped me address them. I make a list of my grievances, the effects they have on me, and my part in the situation. My part includes selfishness, self-seeking (expectations), dishonesty, or fear. I reflect on what I could do differently next time. Writing it down makes a huge difference in owning my part, and what actions or attitude I can change.

I highly recommend this practice to everyone. Resentments belong in your give away box instead of festering in your mind.

Expectations

I’ve discovered how often expectations lead to resentment. We expect a lot from people, and it can be too much. People will inevitably let you down. Unreasonable expectations keep us stuck in a loop of justified anger. I try not to “should” on anyone anymore. I don’t even use the word in my writing. It feels forceful and unrealistic.

Expecting someone to meet all your needs will lead to unhappiness and disappointment. I used to do this in relationships. I’ve expected my partner to fill in what I’m missing. Sometimes I still revisit the notion of one person completing me.

No one can make your life complete. It’s up to you to fill in your blanks. True, two people can complement each other in such a way they feel like they complete you. But bringing your full self to the partnership creates a healthy base for growing together.

Coping mechanisms

If we continue to allow anger, fear, resentment, and expectations to take control, we’ll develop coping mechanisms. We’ll be out of balance.

One of the most prolific coping mechanisms is addictive behavior. You might be addicted to drugs and alcohol, gambling, overeating, social media, or relationships (codependency). Maybe you’re afraid of leaving your house. You could repeatedly abuse yourself in other ways.

Coping mechanisms gets disguised as a quirky habit or ugly behavior that repels others. Being sarcastic is a good example. Did you know the meaning of sarcasm is to tear flesh?

They don’t need to be completely debilitating to negatively affect your life. We normalize our coping mechanisms. We attach attractive names to solution-seeking, like ‘retail therapy.’ In our attempt to numb our feelings, we ‘binge-watch’ TV shows. This behavior can lead to addiction. But even without it, we use the same verbiage to communicate the issue.

I’ve been struggling to curb my addictive tendencies lately. It’s apparent in my social media usage. I’m an ’all or nothing’ gal. It’s hard for me to take a 5-minute hit on Facebook. Instead, I stay off until I finish my work. I’ve been trying to cope with everyday stress. I self-sabotage, which makes things worse. I don’t want to live this way.

Wouldn’t it be better to not try to cope? What if we could live free from bondage?

How do we declutter the unneeded stuff in our emotional space?

Redirect your attention

I’ve heard it takes at least three weeks for something to become a habit. If you can’t let go of outdated behaviors, try shifting your energy. Refocus your attention on something else.

If you’re caught up in self-defeating behavior, you need to cut it off at the pass. If you waste your time on social media, make a promise to do activities XYZ before you visit the sites. Make an action plan and follow through. You may need to write it down and post it on your fridge or near your phone. I tried a sticky note on my phone screen once. It worked quite well. Maybe I’ll try it again as needed.

We can get distracted enough to sabotage our goals and aspirations. I think about a particular special someone every day, sometimes all day. He’s not always available right now. He lives far away. I have a chance to try something different while we’re apart. I pour my heart and soul into other projects. I don’t want to spend all of my time worrying about what he thinks of me, or wondering why he isn’t contacting me. People have their reasons, and it’s usually not personal.

I redirect my attention elsewhere so I won’t get into stinkin’ thinkin’. My mind will take me to sad and mad places if I let my fear take over the scene.

Wherever we place our attention will be what we attract. Since I’m aware, I’m mindful to shift my focus when I start to feel anxious or uncomfortable.

Acceptance and letting it be

Most of the time, we can’t control much of anything outside of ourselves. If we let it be, things have a way of working out. Maybe you’ll be surprised and delighted by a better than expected outcome. Or you’ll learn to accept your current circumstances as they are.

Someone took my laundry bag today. I discovered it was missing when I went to retrieve my dried clothes. I use the bag to transport them to and from the laundromat. The owner gave me a plastic bag, and she knows who might have taken it. Everything worked out. I like things ’just so.’ I used to get frustrated by unexpected inconveniences. Even the smallest of mishaps and surprises remind me to shift my perspective and let things be.

Take contrary action

We’re habitual creatures. We want to hold onto our routines. We feel safe when we know what to expect. But life throws curveballs. We need to be flexible so we can grow. If we continue doing the same things, we’ll get the same results. Sometimes what we’re doing isn’t working.

To clear out the cobwebs of emotional clutter, you’re going to have to embrace change. It means taking new approaches toward old problems. It might be the only way to solve them.

I’ve been staying up too late. My body is mad at me. Part of the issue is with my social media use after my kids go to bed. I’ll go straight to my phone after I leave their room, regardless of how tired I feel.

My contrary action, in this case, would be to walk past my phone instead. I’ve tried setting app limits, to no avail. I inevitably ignore them. My best course of action involves total abstinence. I won’t use the phone until the next day.

I’ve made a commitment this week to work early in the day. I can’t use the excuse I need to write or promote a story. I’ve set time limits for myself. We’ll see how it goes.

Final thoughts

Clearing your house of material things feels good and creates space for joy. When we declutter to our mind, body, and spirit, we shine. We allow ourselves to feel whole and loved. We heal our old wounds. Our relationships flourish.

Clear out the old cluttered ways of thinking. Toss your old beliefs in exchange for new ones. If you choose to take this mission, expect internal rearrangements. Your soul yearns to be free and unencumbered. You will notice the change. Recognize your courage and strength as you step into your light. You deserve the best life.

Today is the day you rid yourself of anything that distracts from your best life.~Joshua Becker

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