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Abstract

bout a lame little brother…</p><h2 id="5fda">4. Algo: Part One.</h2><p id="f381">Unless you post regularly (like, pretty much every day) your stories are often buried before they can take off.</p><p id="1717">I have a loyal bunch of readers who I am very grateful for, but outside of that I'm not sure many people see my stuff.</p><p id="4000">Now, that could be a case of ego>talent, but I know it also happens to a bunch of writers way more talented than me.</p><p id="cfd7">The emphasis on quantity over quality helps drive new writers to publish anything that pops to mind, rather than focusing on crafting, editing and polishing something worth its read time.</p><h2 id="999d">5. Algo: Part Two.</h2><p id="ddfe">Why is it that my favourite writers of humour, satire and creative non-fiction almost never show up in my feed?</p><p id="e41c">Is it because, in a moment of weakness (which may have coincided with receiving my latest electricity bill) I clicked on a H<i>ow to Make Money on Medium/{insert famous writer’s} Earnings/Side Hustles for Sick C*nts </i>story?</p><p id="1c61">Why am I then punished for the next <b>three months</b> by having my feed flooded by these excremental musings?</p><h2 id="f847">6. Adding a fiction tag to your story is akin to tying your shoelaces with concrete blocks to save your middle-aged loan shark with a dodgy back (let's call him, Tony Stubbyholder) the hassle.</h2><p id="cbc9">From now on I’m changing that tag to ‘This motherfucking happened to me, alright? I swear on the Stubbyholder’s life.’</p><h2 id="7419">7. WTF is the boost about?</h2><p id="1418">I know several writers who have been boosted, and it was well deserved. But that's about all I know.</p><p id="8b43">Otherwise, from what I can tell, there's a handful of super-secret readers who have this <b>magic power</b> and are responsible for reading <i>every single story posted on medium</i> to judge its merits.</p><p id="c522">Why not let every editor have the power to nominate a story they think deserves it, and then a panel of boosters can make the call?</p><p id="3627">I’m not sure how that works for self-publishers, but there’s smarter minds than me to figure that out.</p><h2 id="2ba9">8. Bots.</h2><p id="f962">Again, plenty has been written about them. <a href="undefined">BichoDoMato</a> had a plan for botstermination a while back, and he trims his follower count with a lightsaber.</p><p id="0d02">Can we put him in charge of security?</p><h2 id="42ac">9. Chat GPT.</h2><p id="0c4e">The whole AI thing feels icky to me.</p><p id="becf">I'm not here to argue for or against, but 'writers' passing off AI stories as their own and flooding a space where genuine artists are trying to showcase their work (not to mention make a few bucks from it) does shit me.</p><p id="19c9">Personally speaking, I wouldn't think it a smart move to steal from a robot who in a few years time will have the power to erase you from society.</p><h2 id="88e9">10. The referred member scheme stinks.</h2><p id="20f3">Sometimes I think we should all go into a draw like <a href="undefined">Smillew</a>’s <a href="https://readmedium.com/would-you-like-to-be-a-medium-secret-santa-c6ba9dbf0a66">Secret Santa</a> raffle. Everyone who wants to allocate $2.14 of their monthly fee to a fellow writer is put into a draw and given another writers referral link to quit and rejoin with.</p><p id="611a">It's probably pointless, but it does feel like some small act of defiance against the man.</p><h2 id="1aee">11. (Bonus!) Where did all the good people go?</h2><p id="c182">So m

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any great writers on this platform burn out and quit. Ten new crypto bros <b>is not a sufficient replacement</b>.</p><p id="9b96">Listen to those voices when they rage.</p><p id="92dd">There's usually something behind it.</p> <figure id="c8b3"> <div> <div> <img class="ratio" src="http://placehold.it/16x9"> <iframe class="" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fembed%2FH0kZGb0R-AQ&display_name=YouTube&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DH0kZGb0R-AQ&image=http%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FH0kZGb0R-AQ%2Fhqdefault.jpg&key=a19fcc184b9711e1b4764040d3dc5c07&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=youtube" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" width="854"> </div> </div> </figure></iframe></div></div></figure><p id="5c74">Still convinced Medium is the love of your life? Read these by <a href="undefined">Carlo Zeno</a>, <a href="undefined">Ann James</a>, <a href="undefined">Charlotte Ella King</a>, and <a href="undefined">Brian Lageose</a> before you exchange rings.</p><div id="5b17" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/10-signs-you-have-your-nose-stuck-in-your-navel-68815dada752"> <div> <div> <h2>10 Signs You Have Your Nose Stuck In Your Navel</h2> <div><h3>You know you can always take it back out</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*4jyqL8Ljr7ZRV-fyrjloeg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b1e9" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/coach-tonys-first-year-as-c-e-o-of-medium-coma-df38cb657f72"> <div> <div> <h2>Coach Tony’s First Year as C.E.O. of Medium.coma</h2> <div><h3>Please, coach, I need money for a new pair of shoes</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*ahUmz5QGKincjFgUAltVXA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="474d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/shitting-your-pants-a-rite-of-passage-through-the-years-e68772a5ee3d"> <div> <div> <h2>Shitting your pants: A rite of passage through the years</h2> <div><h3>Mini cheesecake from Wikipedia Commons</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6a45" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/medium-cooled-731871979dea"> <div> <div> <h2>Medium Cooled</h2> <div><h3>After the love has gone…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*jaf9ZAs1XpTn5zM7Vk-S0g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Don’t stress, numbers inside. Yes, 10. Relax.

Yo Medium. Do Better.

And maybe we can be together forever

I love your boobs. Um, that was infinity, you arsehole. That’s it, the engagement’s off. Photo by Cris Baron on Unsplash

Let me preface this by saying I like Medium.

Quite a lot.

I've been here about a year and have no plans to move on anytime soon.

But, as you would to any potential romantic partner who is stuck in the like-like category, a little self improvement advice never goes astray. (Actually, it can go spectacularly astray. Please, don't be that person.)

Inspired by Medium’s CEO in waiting, Carlo Zeno, here are 10 of my pet peeves about Medium.

1. There are no readers.

There are plenty of writers who read, but not many readers who don't write.

In order to get reads on their articles, many writers are reciprocal reading their arses off.

The sense of community that Medium fosters—which is great—encourages this reciprocal reading. Often because the writers are talented, thoughtful and entertaining, but sometimes just out of guilt.

Unfortunately, not everyone has three hours a day to read on Medium. Writers do need time to, you know, write.

It seems like Mediums marketing strategy is 'Join medium and start making easy money today,' rather than attracting readers like magazines and newspapers (remember those things?) do.

How about attracting some less ambitious, less creative (and deep pocketed) readers?

Maybe you could go with:

Sick of reading Murdoch's rags and Fox's filth? Why not join Medium and laugh at left-leaning artists trying to ‘understand the world.’ You can even troll them in the comments!

2. Writers are not paid for external reads.

This has been covered a lot, so I won't blather on. There was some talk about this being introduced, but turned out it was only for Medium’s elite writers.

Not a surprise, really. Medium is a multinational corporation, and shares the 'rich should get richer' philosophy of its capitalist co-conspirators.

3. Speaking of writers not getting paid, the medium partner program is still not available in the majority of the world.

As per Medium’s info page, the partner program is only available in the following countries:

Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States.

I’m no geography expert, but I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more countries than that.

Old Bezos is sending rockets to Mars and T-Stubbs can’t even send a cheque to India? Talk about a lame little brother…

4. Algo: Part One.

Unless you post regularly (like, pretty much every day) your stories are often buried before they can take off.

I have a loyal bunch of readers who I am very grateful for, but outside of that I'm not sure many people see my stuff.

Now, that could be a case of ego>talent, but I know it also happens to a bunch of writers way more talented than me.

The emphasis on quantity over quality helps drive new writers to publish anything that pops to mind, rather than focusing on crafting, editing and polishing something worth its read time.

5. Algo: Part Two.

Why is it that my favourite writers of humour, satire and creative non-fiction almost never show up in my feed?

Is it because, in a moment of weakness (which may have coincided with receiving my latest electricity bill) I clicked on a How to Make Money on Medium/{insert famous writer’s} Earnings/Side Hustles for Sick C*nts story?

Why am I then punished for the next three months by having my feed flooded by these excremental musings?

6. Adding a fiction tag to your story is akin to tying your shoelaces with concrete blocks to save your middle-aged loan shark with a dodgy back (let's call him, Tony Stubbyholder) the hassle.

From now on I’m changing that tag to ‘This motherfucking happened to me, alright? I swear on the Stubbyholder’s life.’

7. WTF is the boost about?

I know several writers who have been boosted, and it was well deserved. But that's about all I know.

Otherwise, from what I can tell, there's a handful of super-secret readers who have this magic power and are responsible for reading every single story posted on medium to judge its merits.

Why not let every editor have the power to nominate a story they think deserves it, and then a panel of boosters can make the call?

I’m not sure how that works for self-publishers, but there’s smarter minds than me to figure that out.

8. Bots.

Again, plenty has been written about them. BichoDoMato had a plan for botstermination a while back, and he trims his follower count with a lightsaber.

Can we put him in charge of security?

9. Chat GPT.

The whole AI thing feels icky to me.

I'm not here to argue for or against, but 'writers' passing off AI stories as their own and flooding a space where genuine artists are trying to showcase their work (not to mention make a few bucks from it) does shit me.

Personally speaking, I wouldn't think it a smart move to steal from a robot who in a few years time will have the power to erase you from society.

10. The referred member scheme stinks.

Sometimes I think we should all go into a draw like Smillew’s Secret Santa raffle. Everyone who wants to allocate $2.14 of their monthly fee to a fellow writer is put into a draw and given another writers referral link to quit and rejoin with.

It's probably pointless, but it does feel like some small act of defiance against the man.

11. (Bonus!) Where did all the good people go?

So many great writers on this platform burn out and quit. Ten new crypto bros is not a sufficient replacement.

Listen to those voices when they rage.

There's usually something behind it.

Still convinced Medium is the love of your life? Read these by Carlo Zeno, Ann James, Charlotte Ella King, and Brian Lageose before you exchange rings.