ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIPS

Yana’s Curious Crush Case Conclusion

Just One More Thing…

I told myself I would never let the trail go cold. I tell myself a lot of things these days — things like I like to live in the vast and cacophonous Big City amidst the hustle and bustle, with its denizens constantly jockeying for position, and who are desperately trying to avoid loneliness. Put differently —they are trying to find happiness.

The kind of city that chews up a man and spits out only his splintered bones. The kind of city where the Subway Sandwich locations don’t have public bathrooms.

I could barely remember what had happened. My eyes were having trouble focusing on the surrounding environment. I still had a headache from that massive Coca Boost dose from the other day. There wasn’t a clue in sight. Then, it was her. No, it wasn’t that uncomfortably incel-ish movie from 2013 starring Joaquin Phoenix, “Her.”

The Private Note

Truly stuck, I contacted Yana via private note. Due to Medium’s terms regarding private notes, I dare not share the conversation here. Time was growing scarce, and a disappearance case presented itself. I caught a clue about the disappearance of Bicho and Yana told me that my Top 3 were all wrong. Instead, I needed to revisit my Top 38.

Yana was flitting in and out like a butterfly. I needed to pin her down and send her to the entomology department for examination. Suddenly, all this butterfly talk hit me like the Titanic hit that massive iceberg. SPIRACLES!!!

Spiracles?

Spiracles are the respiratory apparatus of insects and allow them to breathe. They reside outside the body rather than inside of it. They are visible from the exterior of an insect. Instead of trying to complete this investigation based on dichotomization, I needed to go with my gut: what were Yana’s spiracles doing?

Thanks to my new pal, Nour Boustani, I knew I didn’t have to cite anything in the prior paragraph due to my social platform likability factor. I really have been taking productivity advice for granted. Thanks, Nour!

What information was Yana processing?

I grabbed my notepad filled with scrawls. I put on my glasses, looked again, and it was a jumbled mess except for page 1. The Top 38, minus 3.

This Shit Again

Autistic Widower, Nitin Dangwal, Gill McCulloch, Goran Vinchi, James Beaufait, Owen W, Jordan Arthur, Aldric Chen, Nikolaos Skordils, Dan Reich, Craig Davishoff, Joe Merkle, Andy Spears, Habib Rehman, Rajeeb Ghosh, Daniel Serrano, Dr. Titus Varghese, Kallol Mazumdar, Inda Raj Pathak, David Conte, Jack Bohannan, Thomas Gaudeaux, Shane Berry, Francis B., Kevin Alexander, Scott-Ryan Abt, Maximecjunior, Tom Owens: How I REALLY Feel!, Harry Hogg, William J Spiridone, Scot Butwell, John Hansen, Shameem Anwar, Abhimanyu Bhagarva, Fox Kerry.

Now to subtract out the productivity bros (ProBros), adding back in the maybes and double-checking anything after that point.

In my coca boosted state, The Sturg had yelled something at me about whether I was sure about the inactive people on my list. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but I could have made a mistake because I was in a frenzy.

Nitin Dangwal and Aldric Chen were active writers. I had made an unforced error.

Eliminated (again): Craig Davishoff (inactivity at the time of Yana’s post), Maximecjunior

1. David Conte
2. Jack Bohannan
3. Thomas Gadeaux
4. William J Spiridone
5. Scot Butwell
6. John Hansen
7. Fox Kerry
8. James Beaufait
9. Joe Merkle
10. Kallol Mazumdar
11. Harry Hogg
12. Nitin Dangwal
13. Aldric Chen

Now to the spiracle thing. Yana is an editor at Age of Empathy and The Memoirist. Surely one or more from this list would appear in one or both publications. It’s no secret that publishing is laborious unpaid work where the editor can get up close and personal with a potential romance partner and learn what really makes them tick.

After all, there is the concept of a “work wife” or “work husband”. It's a human tendency to get close to those we work close in proximity to.

Two names from AOE and the Memoirist turned up: Nitin Dangwal and David Conte. There will be no top 2 list.

Just One More Thing

Maybe my former boss was right. Maybe I was like Lt. Columbo after all. He was writing stuff like this. It was erotic enough to make even the horniest housewife blush and played much like a call and response in music.

5 Days Ago

4 Days Ago

3 Days Ago

2 Days Ago

Spiracles and call and response. What beautiful music it is, if you’re paying attention. Speaking of responses... TzeLin Sam, my friend and compatriot, I don’t think my Top 38 was wrong.

Epilogue

This case wasn’t about me, and it never was. I tried to make it about me, to force the narrative, and to mold the conclusion to my will. Who among us does not want to feel the draw of romance and attraction? Feelings and emotions are powerful forces and not to be impelled — for they are the domain of the sensate alone.

This tale is about Yana, Nitin, and however they want to write their shared and intertwined story. Whether that intertwining is to be literal, figurative, public, private, or none of the above remains to be seen. The only truth I can discern from this is that romance and romantic feelings are a clarion call to us to be both seekers and willing to be found.

I wish them both all my best, no matter the outcome.

The matter of the disappearance of Bicho has not been resolved. While my own romantic story may not have a next chapter (insert private notes here), I trudge forward with my trusty notebook in hand.