Okay, You Like To Tease. That’s Fine — I Get it.
I like it. I want it. I will die for it.
Okay, you like to tease.
I get it.
You don’t want to play it the usual way. Boy meets girl; happily ever after.
That’s fine.
All this bores you. I understand. This is not what you seek.
I don’t mind.
Even though I’m traditional in my methods and like to follow set steps of procedure in everything, for this, for you, for that what could be ‘us’ — I’m ready to drop my sense of order and dip into your world of chaos.
Not that I’m suggesting I’m making some grand gesture for you, a great sacrifice.
No. Nada.
That’s the thing. When it comes to you, ‘it’ is not sacrifice anymore. It is my thinking, my deepest desire.
I was not like this. But you have done something to me.
The fire of your passion has annealed me like metal, melting my previous thoughts, and re-casting them in your form. And now I don’t want to do things my way anymore.
I want to step outside my circle and do things that I won’t normally do.
I want to do what you are doing.
I want to play along with whatever you think is fine.
Like this teasing game, you have set up. Started me on this wild goose chase.
Keeping me guessing. Keeping me athirst. Keeping me unsatisfied.
I’m guessing all the time. Do you want me? Do you want me not?
It’s thrilling. It’s sensational. It’s umm … finger-licking delicious.
And, my God! it’s making me wild. It’s keeping me on my toes. I have never felt so alive.
Now my days have a solid purpose. My nights are full of heavenly dreams.
I go about my life not worrying about the little things that happen around me, things that I used to mistake for life.
No.
That’s not life.
That’s our mind getting numbed down from no inspiration. Mind scaffolded by caffeine and wheel-chaired by alcohol.
No real stimulation. Not any spark.
Just the drudgery of routine.
‘Doing’ things everyone is ‘doing’ because that ‘doing’ has been drilled into our minds as life.
But now I know it’s not. It never was. It never will.
The real life is this.
To develop a connection with someone that is so magnetic that you are ready to thrash every conventional barrier of society and cross over to the realm of the unknown.
To be able to stand in a zone of total darkness and scream that you are no more afraid.
To take relish in this vulnerability.
To take complete joy in any suffering.
Not because you are too numbed by love to feel anything else. Or you have been stubborned into stoic-type non-responsiveness.
No — these are some perverse forms of love, sold by some cheap peddlers lurking in shady streets.
You take joy in these sufferings because, for the first time in your life, you are not scared anymore.
Instead, you are inspired, you are intrigued, and you are always left wanting more.
Isn’t this what life should be?
Always wanting more.
Wanting More.
Not in the greedy materialistic kind of way that we now associate with wanting in this modern age.
But ‘wanting’ in the primal sense of our ancestors — to go out into the world and unravel its secrets.
To want to participate in life as it is happening.
In the present. In the now.
That’s what you do to me. By this tease.
Keeps me wanting to immerse myself in this mystery, this haze, this mist in which you shroud yourself, appearing and disappearing.
Again and again and again
Keeping me on the edge.
Keeping me wanting.
Okay, you like to tease.
I get it.
I know it.
I want it.
I will die for it.
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