Women Want One Thing That Starts With An S, But It’s NOT Sex! Sorry Fellas

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I have thought about something for a while and I want to put some of you guys up on game. Many men have been struggling and suffering, trying to figure out what women want and how to please women, begging to be loved by women and all of that junk, a mentality that I would advise against in general, which is counterintuitive (in the same way that “begging” for respect might not work, trying to appease a woman in order to be liked, validated, to avoid “making her mad”, etc. might not work).

All that being said, I do want to make it simple for you guys to know what women are looking for and why that particular thing (summed up in one word) makes sense for them to look for. Men tend to want logical and step by step understanding about things, including women, so here goes nothing.

What women want from men, though it may appear to be many things, can largely be summed up in ONE WORD. The word starts with an ‘S’. And it’s NOT SEX! Sorry fellas. You want to know what that one word that can sum up what a lot of women want from men is? Drum roll please.

Security.

Yep. If you can understand the concept of a woman wanting security (or safety, another ‘S’ word, if you prefer), you might can see how that ties into a lot of other women’s preferences that may not have made much sense to you before. And though security may entail different things, don’t worry, you may not need to have or provide ALL of them. Just enough or, at least, the main ones that a particular woman is concerned about. Now, security not only comes in largely two forms, but it can also be about two directions. Let me explain.

First, let’s look at the forms of security. The two forms are physical (material) and emotional or mental. A woman wanting physical and material security, obviously, simply means that she wants someone who at least can protect and provide if push comes to shove or gives the impression that they can do so. This may help explain some of the seemingly more… superficial preferences of women.

Physical and Material Security

For instance, some women may want a man to be tall because, fortunately or unfortunately, bigger men seem to be less likely to be trifled with. This doesn’t mean that a short man can’t kick ass or that there aren’t short men on the streets who get much respect and much love, men who people wouldn’t want to cross too fast despite their size. It may be that the so-called “Napoleon complex” that women talk about (implying that short men tend to be meaner and more aggressive to compensate) may appear to have a basis in reality, but not necessarily for compensation, but perhaps because those men learned early on that they had to let people know from the gate that they are NOT to be fcked with!

But don’t get it twisted, that’s just one aspect of security that “may” influence some women’s drive for security, but some women may not care about that because there are other ways to bring security to a woman. Not only that, there are short men that get women and who women find very attractive and who people don’t fool with as well. Take Mike Tyson in his prime, for example. As muscular as he might have been, he also wasn’t the tallest boxer. In fact, it may be that most of the boxers that he faced were actually taller than him, but he also put that fear in their hearts too because when he stared a lot of them down before the fight, they knew what was up.

Anyway, to conclude this aspect (because there’s a lot more material to cover), suffice it to say, short men aren’t necessarily out of the running, it’s just that they might do well to adapt and/or provide security in other ways.

Then there is the financial aspect of physical security. Again, ALL women don’t care about a man’s money. Some do. But ultimately, it may not necessarily be that a woman is a gold digger or a user (though she could be), but some women want to know that a man can maintain and at least be a help, should she lose her job, get on maternity leave, if the house gets flooded and they didn’t have flood insurance so will need to put some pennies together to get another house, etc. That being said, I do think that there should be a reasonable expectation and, if a woman is making good money already, I still don’t think it’s necessary for a man to have to make MORE than her, in my humble opinion. Even so, women desiring a certain sense of financial stability may be reasonable, especially if they don’t want to actually take care of a man, but also because some women simply don’t want to have to STRUGGLE if they don’t have to.

Emotional and Mental Security

Another type of security that women may want is emotional/mental security. This may be where the whole “women like masculinity, so long as it’s done right” thing comes in. There have been a lot of talk about toxic masculinity (which I intend to touch on further when it comes to the two directions of security), so some might think that masculinity in general gets a bad rap. However, many women are attracted to strength and some of that comes from knowing that a man can be able to stand up for her, his family, etc., even if it doesn’t become physical!

Unless your are in a neighborhood run by thugs or you’re in a bar or something where assholes are occasionally sprinkled out here and there, generally speaking, confrontations won’t have to get physical. However, if a man is disrespecting your woman (or you) in front of her, you want to be able to let them know what time it is. She needs to know that you are able to stand up for what you believe in, your values, and your boundaries so that she can feel safe with you and well and so that she can feel that, if push comes to shove, you’ll defend her honor.

For example, I don’t like getting embarrassed and I generally don’t like getting in a scene or making a scene (but I’ve been trying to overcome that). Even so, if I take a woman out on a date, for example, and the waiter or waitresses acts like they are “too good” to offer us a drink (let alone take our order) after five minutes, I’d need to be able to speak up. No, I don’t like yelling and going “eh! eh!” when they walk past, just for other goofball customers to look at me like I did something wrong, but hey, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Although some women are aggressive enough that they don’t mind doing it themselves, some women would prefer the man to be able to do it, regardless of who looks. And if the waiter or waitress is rude and tries to make a scene, he needs to be able to handle it. Although when that happened with me and a woman I was seeing, I simply left my table and went to the bar area and let them know what was up, but still. It was something.

Another example is if you are out with a woman and a male waiter is serving you too and you notice that he is chatting her up a little too friendly, you have to be like “Hey (whatever his name), can’t you see me and the lady are trying to have date?” without flinching either, because he presumably has sense enough to know that and to know that he was being disrespectful. The woman may have been being polite (sometimes women might actually assume that a guy is just being friendly), but IF she was being too flirty or whatever as well, perhaps you can mention it too her enough to let her know that you noticed it… (no smile or light-heartedness in your demeanor either) and then be like “but anyway, how was your day” or whatever

Finally, women want to know that they can be safe with a man emotionally that he can really be their rock to lean on and be strong when they aren’t, to be able to lift them up. Yes, relationships are a partnership and if things are REALLY going bad with a man that they really love, they probably don’t mind being SUPPORTIVE. But… just like parents should be rocks for their children who may occasionally say or do something to help their parents feel better, yet it’s not their PLACE to uplift their parents ALL the time… the same way that women might not feel that it’s their place to do what they call emotional labor and uplift a man ALL the time, but that he should more or less be a rock that they can lean on and depend on, more often than not. It is what it is.

The Two Directions of Security

Now, this may get more deeply into the toxic masculinity and the “nice guys finish last” thing and how it all relates to women desiring security. The two directions of security that women can be concerned about is having security FROM the man and security WITH the man.

Wanting security FROM the man is where issues with toxic masculinity can come in at. Many women like masculinity, so long as it protects them, not harms them. There’s the rub. A woman wants to be able to feel safe WITH a guy, but doesn’t want to have to need to feel safe FROM the guy. So if it a guy is extremely hostile, violent, and angry, even towards her… many women don’t like that. Granted, some women like toxic love and, more likely, some women stay with such men either out of fear or out of missing and yearning for the sweet guy those men can be at times, but generally speaking, women at least don’t want to start out dating a man who can be detrimental to her health.

It may also explain some of the so-called shit tests that women are alleged to give. Not only do they want to know that a man can defend his boundaries, but they ALSO want to know if a guy will lose his shit over a simple argument and start punching holes in the wall. So to conclude, women want to know that a man can protect them (or would at least be willing to try), but they don’t want to have to need protection from THEM. Finally, women also want to feel emotionally safe from them because even if a man isn’t physically dangerous, she wants to know that if, for example, she tells him about a traumatic experience in her past or exposes one of her insecurities, he isn’t going to attack those things and make fun of them during a fight in the future. She needs to know that no matter how mad he may be, he won’t resort to such low blows. That being said, make sure that she doesn’t either. You don’t have to do it in return, but if she’s the type to bring up your unhealed trauma about being adopted by saying junk like “That’s why nobody wanted your ass!” or whatever, yeah… charge that chick to the game.

Now the second directional security that women want is security WITH a man. This is the opposite end of the spectrum in relationship to the toxic masculinity types and this may explain why some women aren’t into guys who are “too nice.” Even though it is true that those women may simply not be attracted to those men and even though it may be true that it is simply an energetic and physiological turn off, it may also be that, again, they want to feel safe WITH them and feel that they can handle their business when push comes to shove. Some guys may try to be too nice with women so that those women can feel safe WITH them.

Only thing about that is, unfortunately, they may seem a bit “too” non-threatening to where if a woman just doesn’t think he “has it in him” and simply can’t see it, she may doubt that other people (men in particular) can see it as well and feel that she simply wouldn’t feel as safe or comfortable WITH him if, for example, they are taking a walk at a park and some homeless and aggressive looking man walks up on them asking for change and acts like he wants to do something if he is told that they don’t have it. Ya dig?

The Conclusion

In conclusion, a lot of what women want, whether it sounds superficial (such as height and money) or less superficial, such as masculinity, confidence, the emotional intelligence to support her and lift her up when she needs it, etc. can boil down to a woman’s desire to feel secure with a man in some way. But don’t get overwhelmed guys… some women are looking for only one or two of the things. Some women don’t care about height, money, etc., but just want to feel emotionally safe with a man. Other women may not care if a dude is the baddest man walking the Earth as long as he isn’t dangerous TO HER. But regardless of what combination a particular woman has, generally speaking, it may be that a woman is looking for SOME type of security in a man, whether it be physical, emotional, or otherwise.

Share your thoughts, thank you for your support, and good luck and bling bling!