Woman’s Life: Is It Scary To Share My Complicated Feelings About Ageing?
Am I becoming invisible.
A few months back, I went to an optical store to get my glasses fixed and at the front desk, a lovely lady was sitting. While she was getting my glasses fixed, she asked me if I am from India and how I am adjusting to living in the USA.
I told her a summary of my stay and she told me that she always wished to travel overseas and to experience living alone but as she is in her early 50s, married, and with teenage kids. It never seems possible.
I suggested she can still do it after her kids are off to college. She said it’s not that easy especially when you get to this age. I can look through the eyes and feel an itch.
When I came back home, the conversation got stuck with me. Is there any time in life we as a woman feel safe, content, or even happy?
I’ve been experiencing ageism in the world since I turned 30 and have been grappling with my complicated relationship with myself and age.
For god sake, I feel like my life is slipping away every moment and I am losing my worth every day to fit in societal standards and becoming invisible as I grow old.
Being in your mid-30s may not be old for some, but it’s really hard to get your head around and make peace with reality.
If you didn’t find a husband for yourself, or you are a childless woman it’s kind of the end of the road for many.
Nothing is exciting about being a woman in middle age or reaching that age. Nothing particularly sparkly, sexy, or even inspiring about it.
It’s pretty scary to talk about aging women even to other women of similar age, isn’t it? To openly talk about struggles while facing internalized ageism yourself and how your worth is slowly reducing.
Recently Tracee Ellis Ross ( who recently turned 50 and btw she looks like a goddess ) said -
“But I feel like I am wiser, I’m more comfortable in my skin. If you had told me in my 20s, in my teens, that I was going to be somebody that actually could do scary things, that I could be comfortable even when I was uncomfortable, that I could live life on life’s terms, that I could intuitively handle situations which used to baffle me, that I had an unbreakable, unshakeable foundation for life underneath me, I would have said there’s no way because I was scared and I was uncomfortable in my skin. And so it just took me so long. It’s been like, sometimes like chewing on ground glass, trying to sort of, one step at a time makes my way through.”
Or Jennifer Lopez who seems to be aging in reverse and looks like an absolute diva.
It’s impossible to remain unaffected. It takes an enormous amount of inner work and fortitude not to struggle with body image issues, self-esteem issues, and doubt, fear, and pain around our appearance.
For a commoner like me — will I be ageing this gracefully when I am 50?
Can I catch up with their standards or what if I fall behind?
Don’t get me wrong. I admire them and all the women who manage to look like morning sunshine and can accept themselves.
But is it possible for a woman like me who is surrounded by patriarchy and people who are constantly reminding me how I am losing my value?
Maybe my attitude needs to shift. But these feelings are valid and I just wish not to f**k up.
But what if we could have the hard conversations around aging and womanhood, accepting and acknowledging that this is, indeed, a difficult journey to age as a woman in a culture that hates little else as much as it hates older women?
I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t feel this way, nor will I let anyone blame me for feeling this way.
I’m here to age. I’m diving straight in. I’m going to face it and I’m going to write about it. It’s a conversation we all need to have.
We are not lost
I am not lost and certainly all the women who are navigating their path to find their place in the world no matter how old or young they are.
We know that we will find our way, one day — maybe in chaos, we will find our peace and contentment… And it’s time to live, on your terms and timelines!
Be Bold
Be Courageous
Be Your Best
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