Sex/Love
Why We Mistake Sexual Chemistry For Genuine Love In Relationships
And how to recognize the differences.
Affection, tenderness, kinship, admiration, and devotion. These are some descriptions of what ‘love’ means, respectively. Love expressed between human beings is the act of caring for one another — being attached to a concern for their welfare.
Sexual love is a much different animal. Sex can feel very much like how we may think genuine love in romantic relationships is supposed to feel when two people physically connect at the right moment.
Feelings of closeness and intimacy during sex can definitely lead a person to believe they are experiencing a real and true bond with another human being.
And they may very well be experiencing that.
However, quite often, the intensity of a deep physical, sexual relationship can fool us into thinking we have a serious relationship with a person we may have only known for weeks — or even just for a few days.
This is why sex can be so dangerous, especially for those of us who are more emotional or who get attached very easily.
Strong Sexual chemistry can be extremely potent. It can influence choices and decisions. It can lead people to believe that there’s more of an intense connection than there may actually be.
Once the seductive veil of lust wears off, quite often, a harsher reality sets in for many people.
Although sex can definitely be an expression of love through physical affection, it is not the same thing as having loving companionship with a partner who cares wholeheartedly about your well-being and who wants to spend time with you — not just in the bedroom — but also in the real world.
Some people are fortunate enough to experience both of these things with one partner and they are definitely the lucky ones.
My lessons about confusing sex with love started early. I misinterpreted intense sexual chemistry. I thought it meant true love — a real love — a soulmate — the one.
I did not experience the kind of love where there was an abundance of tenderness or concern in my early dating life. Not the kind of love where your feelings matter. Not the kind of love where there are real compromises and clear communication.
There’s a big difference between having a lover who floods your senses with a sexual euphoria for a short amount of time yet may actually know nothing about you and someone who is invested in ALL of you — mind, body, and soul.
Sex can bring affection — YES. But sex is not the be all end all of a relationship. Mind-blowing sex doesn’t always mean that someone is in love with you in the sense of care, concern, or loyal partnership.
Does terrific sex in a relationship matter? Yes, of course, it does. Unfortunately, learning that sex and love are not necessarily the same thing is a cold, hard lesson many of us have to go through in order to eventually find a healthy and loving partner.
The biggest lesson I learned was that sex can imitate the feeling of being loved and comforted. It makes you feel special in those moments of blinding passion. It allows you to feel as though perhaps you can possess someone if even for a moment.
It’s a sweet deception — which is why I believe so many people are essentially addicted to sex and sexual affairs.
There are so many varying types of love in the world. Some people are satisfied with only having sexual relationships with people where there are ‘no strings attached’ — and that’s fine.
Sexual love is still a kind of love. It’s just not the kind of love that will necessarily stick around for you for a long amount of time, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, or in sickness and in health.
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