Why Love Makes You Stupider Than You Really Are
The reasons why most people suck at having a great relationship.
First thing, first!!
In this post, I am talking about romantic love — the very one that gives you butterflies. But don’t worry — many things I will discuss here can be applied to all types of relationships as well.
Let’s get started.
If I consider a few romantic relationships I was involved in, I find myself as a stupid, stubborn, and inconsiderate guy.
Well, I see that now — and definitely when I was engaged in those relationships, I never found anything wrong with me. I always thought that I was completely okay in those relationships, but I was not getting what I deserved from my beloved.
Now, I know when we fall in love, especially in our younger years, we lose our conscience and commonsense. We firmly believe that our romantic love is the center of the universe, and it is the only thing that truly matters.
Especially, boys get too desperate and want full attention from their romantic partners. They want total control too.
And that’s when the problem begins.
“Of all the gin joints — in all the towns — in all the world, she walks into mine.” ~ Casablanca
To put things into perspective, let me tell you about my stupidity. I think it will make you understand this weird relationship matter a little bit easier.
I was very much attracted to one of my classmates when I was enrolled in a professional course many years ago. Let’s say her name is Jenny.
We became friends within a short time — exchanged notes, helped each other with the study, had fun — and eventually developed a relationship that crossed the boundary of friendship. We both knew we liked each other and loved to spend time together.
So, one day, I confessed that I had feelings for her. I told her the three magical(!) words (I doubt whether I truly loved her or not. Love is confusing!).
Anyway, we started to spend more time together — enjoying each other’s company — watching new movies — traveling to new places — eating out in different restaurants — and more.
Months passed by, and everything was going fine until my love made me a total jerk.
After a few months, I started to notice that Jenny became less responsive than she was in the earlier days, and now, we had fewer meet-ups than usual. Well, that’s not expected at all. It hurt my masculine feelings. Because all I wanted is to spend more time with Jenny when she was just failing at it continuously and coming up with innovative excuses. As the short-tempered man I am, I got irritated at some points.
Has she lost interest in me? What’s wrong with her? Is she seeing anyone else? — These were the questions floating in my mind, and I needed the answers badly.
My mind was always occupied with the thoughts of Jenny. The fear of losing her, sweet memory, bitter present, confusion, hope, and all those things were making my mind a living hell.
But the good thing was — I understood that I developed a kind of codependency, and it’s ruining my mental peace. I was becoming like all other lovers who get jealous when their beloveds smile at someone else. My world got narrowed down, and I was inside an emotional trap created by my own fucking mind. Thank god that the relationship ended peacefully!
Hey, I know all the literature, movies, and songs entice you by selling the idea that being in love is the greatest thing that can happen to one’s life.
But trust me. The reality is way far different — and in most cases, love hurts and is certainly not lucrative as displayed.
“Frankly dear, I do not give a damn!” ~ Gone with the Wind
When you’re in love, you surely give a damn. You start to feel vulnerable — when your beloved takes you for granted — when she ignores your call — when she delays responding to your text — and when she changes herself with time. Change is inevitable yet hard to accept or cope up with.
You expect your love to remain the same for days after days after days — But trust me, that’s the thing of some fairy tales. In real life, love fades away, faces ups and downs, gets shaken, and very often vanishes away.
Even the two top celebrities cannot stay in love forever, let alone you with your poor heart, looks, and ability.
I hope you have started to guess why we become stupider than we are when we fall in love. Yes, it’s because all our life, we consume a fake, highly polluted, and overrated idea of love and then try our best to fit into that category.
We are told by literature, fairy tales, movies, and songs that romantic love is a thing that lives forever. They sold you the idea that you and your lover should have one soul and two bodies. Thus, the vision of love gets too romantic that it keeps its feet off the ground and cuts the tie to reality. And what do you do? You start to search for a perfect partner — and you call it a soulmate. Poor thing, right?
So, you become a nerd when you are in love. You become codependent and give the license to your happiness in the hand of your beloved. You start to think that all romantic movies and songs are made only for you. And you believe in them and get convinced that life is as beautiful as depicted in books or screens.
And the fear of losing your beloved to someone else? Oh god! That’s one of the biggest fear in life, right? Even fear of death seems nothing compared to it. You fear that you will never get the same love from anyone else in life if you lose this time. And the worse — you will never be in love again!!
These faulty thoughts take over your mind making you a slave of your partner. You try hard to keep the relationship intact even when you see the other person is not that interested.
Remember, love is never as sweet as it appears — it has too much pain, crying, distress, anguish, anger, intricacy, and hopelessness inside. But the wrapping is so great that you fool yourself and buy the unrealistic dream of making an empire on the cloud.
So, you still think you will live happily ever after, right?
“I wish I knew how to quit you.” ~ Brokeback Mountain
Well, no matter what I tell you, you will act some stupid acts falling in love — and not only in your younger years — but also whenever you fall in love — at what age — you will certainly do things that you will regret later. Love is like that. It makes you stupider than you really are.
And believe me, many a time, a relationship becomes a burden. After walking a few miles, you slowly start to understand you’re not getting what you offered. And you cannot go along, and of course, you cannot quit it too. So what can you do? How can you stay sane and less stupid in love?
I think you can try the following things —
Keep your expectation in check
Over-expectation is the killer. When in love, never expect too much from your partner. Yes, I know, it’s extremely hard because I failed several times trying that. I thought my beloved will always be there whenever I needed her.
In reality, it may not be always the case. Your beloved is a different human being who has a completely different world than yours. But when we are in love, we forget that thinking that we own our partner.
That’s why you need to open up your mind and keep your expectations checked. Otherwise, you will hurt yourself for sure.
Communicate properly
A simple miscommunication is enough to create a great distance between you and your beloved. You need to be completely open with your romantic partner. Otherwise, any third party can ruin the trust between you two in no time.
And never expect that your partner will communicate first, resolve any issues, and take care of you all the time. Instead, establish a balance and harmony through timely communication. You should not keep blank spaces for doubts to grow and spread.
Give your beloved some space
Don’t be a jerk! You don’t need to protect your beloved by being a 24/7 bodyguard. Give your partner some space so that he/she can breathe without you. Let your occasional absence be the bridge to a loving, harmonious relationship.
I think it’s very tough to set your partner free. Because when in love, all you want is to be around your beloved all the time. But for god’s sake, don’t do this. It does more harm than good. Give your partner enough space and freedom.
Never take your partner for granted
Sometimes, out of emotion, we tend to avoid our partner only to expect some intimacy from the other end. We do this, maybe, — to show our anger or disappointment for some issues.
But ignoring phone calls, not replying to texts, or avoiding meet-ups cannot be a solution to any problems or disagreements.
This is indeed a reflag for your relationship. Never expect that the person whom you are ignoring to show your emotional surge will respond to you exactly how you want. It rarely happens.
Love is not the end of the world — Remember that.
I don’t know which literature you consume, what movies you watch, or what music keeps you hooked. But I would highly recommend you not to take romantic love too seriously. I mean, don’t be a fool and at the same time, don’t be too serious as well.
Don’t allow your romantic partner or the relationship to occupy your entire world.
If your love brings good in you, appreciate and embrace it. And if it narrows your world down and gives you a constant fear and discomfort, then think again, talk — and if nothing works, then peacefully quit.
The world is full of wonderful people, and when you become less stupid in love, you find the right match and create a common space for love, joy, and happiness.
So, keep your sanity intact and treat romantic love as a part of life — not the whole life.
Thank you for reading.
This article is part of my 90-day writing challenge.
If you are interested to read more about love and relationships, you may check out the following articles of mine.
- Forget Your Ex, Go for the Next
- Don’t Give a Fuck About Your Romantic Shit
- Are You Single? You Don’t Know What You Already Possess
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