Why It’s Important to Celebrate Milestone Birthdays

Especially when you’re in recovery

Today is the 50th birthday of someone dear to me.

Most of my friends are on the precipice of this milestone birthday. Many of them found sobriety, which is why we’re here to celebrate. I don’t know for sure if he’s sober. I hope he’s doing well.

He’s chosen not to stay in contact with me for the last ten years. Maybe it’s due to his struggle with addiction, and other reasons, of which he’ll need to confirm with me someday.

I’ve been reflecting on aging, death, and our resilience as humans who’ve been through hell and back again. This man is a walking miracle. I know because I’ve seen where he’s been. I’ve seen the depths of my own despair. And yet, we’re still alive.

Birthdays take on special meaning when we survived proverbial shark-infested waters. Life is fleeting and precious. We never know when we’ll die, until the very moment when we’re ready to let go of this earthly plane of existence.

Mortality has never interested me so much as it has recently.

I’m nearly a half-century old myself, at age 48. It’s a time in one’s life to reflect on where we’ve been and where we might be going. It’s a time to appreciate the people we care about.

My kids and I are staying with my parents, who are 75 and 78 years old. I’ve had frequent trouble staying here on many occasions. This time feels different. I’ve softened considerably. I see their humaneness, despite our difference in how we see the world and how we live day-to-day.

My mom snapped at me in a moment of intense physical pain. Her sharpness was unreasonable yet expected. I found myself slowing down and backing off for the first time in ages. I offered my support and love. I understood how it felt to be making dinner as a self-sufficient woman and realizing the need to ask for help. She let my dad take the meal out of the oven, only after cautioning him to take it out slowly so the food won’t slip off the pan.

She was struggling with not being in control. I get it. I feel that way all the time. The incident gave me a chance to feel empathy for my mom and see the fragility though her strong-willed persona. I apologized for my initial reaction and asked what I could do to help. I guess I’m growing up, finally.

I’m often too serious and intense about things that don’t matter much in the end.

I need to lighten up and be more child-like at times. As I see this within me, I know I’m growing wiser with age. I’m becoming a strong yet gentle, confident woman. I’m aging gracefully.

Grace was bestowed upon me in March of 2003, and I’ve held onto it ever since. That was the year I got and stayed clean and sober. There are certainly days I’m far from graceful. Parenthood tests me every day. Despite the challenges, I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

I wish I could look into his beautiful blue eyes and tell him he’s a miracle. Because we can’t see each other today, I knew I’d have especially powerful feelings. I wonder how he’s doing, and if he’s having a proper celebration. It’s a special day indeed when he made it this far.

Those of you who aren’t alcoholics or addicts might not fully understand the depth of importance here.

Imagine, if you will, knowing you’re dying inside. You suddenly, or slowly, find a gift that will transform your life and restore your health and well-being. You accept the gift and experience wellness and vitality. You’re grateful beyond words.

One day, you’re hit with something hard to manage. You break up with your partner, lose your job, and can’t pay your bills. On top of that, you break a shoelace on the way out the door. It could be anything uncomfortable, honestly.

For an alcoholic who’s lost faith in recovery, who still feels the obsession to drink, who has mental health issues preventing them from everyday functioning or feeling ok, these situations can lead to disaster. If we don’t recognize and use spiritual tools to get through hard times, we will inevitably get drunk.

When we’re sober for one day, we celebrate with a 24-hour chip. We’re acknowledged in meetings, told to keep coming back. We have a group cheering us on to continue with another day. In some areas, like where I got sober, we’re offered cakes and blow out candles for years of sobriety. It feels so good to acknowledge all those days in a row.

That’s why making it to fifty years old is miraculous.

Making it one day without drinking is miraculous. Can you imagine how amazing it feels to still be on the planet after years of abuse to your body, mind, and spirit? I can, and I intend to celebrate.

I want him to know I love and cherish him, always. I want to acknowledge that today is the best day of our lives. If he reads this, he’ll understand. One day at a time, here he is, 18,250 days later. I envision him thriving for many days to come.

Here’s to you living the dream, dear you. Perhaps one day we’ll live it side by side once again.

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