Why Introverts Prefer Talking to Strangers?
How to gain social freedom
We don’t speak much. We are a kind of listeners, thinkers, not talkers. If we have to talk, fine, we’ll get it done in a moment and be back to our comfort zone.
When we enter a new group of people, a group we know we will spend a lot of time with, like new workmates or fellow students, we feel fear. Not paralyzing fear like in social anxiety, we just know it’s there, somewhere deep. With all the judgemental attitude around we are afraid if we gonna match. Thinking about acceptance, analyzing our new position. ‘’Will they like me? ’What if …?’
We rather avoid people. We would sit next to someone in public transportation only if there is no other option. When we enter a crowded cafe at lunchtime, we prefer to stand with the plate full, watching our food get cold, rather than asking someone ‘Sorry. Would you mind if I eat with you? All the tables are taken’. When walking down the street, we ask Google Maps for directions, because we feel safe.
However, if we have to — we probably approach a stranger, that a person we already know.
Why talking to strangers is easier?
We have the “high ground”. We can end the communication anytime. We don’t care, strangers don’t care, because we’re probably never going to see them again, so it doesn’t much matter. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
It is less likely that what you have said will get around and bite you in the ass. With friends you fear of being judged, they might bring up the secrets that you have shared with them and you would feel embarrassed and hurt. You need to face them daily and fear being haunted by them.
We have trust issues. When we tell the stranger a story, and the stranger wants to repeat it to a friend he will just say ‘You know I met a stranger who…’. End of the story. It’s easier when we’re in a bad shape and we don’t want friends to know. People like us could be afraid of an image he or she has.
We prefer to talk to strangers because we aren’t afraid of rejection. If they did, we just go separate ways, never meeting each other again. We have nothing to lose with strangers, we invested nothing in them and won’t see them again, so we don’t care what will they think of us.
It is easier to make up a conversation. We know nothing about the stranger, asking questions is easy, answering them is easier. We can feel that the conversation is good, that we are enjoying it because it simply keeps going. With people we know, first, we need to remind ourselves what we have common, to follow the conversation properly. Next we need to think what to tell that person, what do I want him/her to know about me?
It’s not about you.
It’s relatively normal to feel at ease while talking to strangers and feel uncomfortable when you’re talking to people you’re close with.
We all are building walls around our hearts and minds. We don’t want to hurt, feel rejected, unwanted, or disliked.
But cutting off people because of fear takes us closer to social anxiety, low self-esteem. We are becoming invisible to people. Sometimes we have to take the risk and talk to someone, just to stay healthy and visible. Stranger or not, your choice.