Who Said You Can’t Fly?

Under a certain amount of pressure and stress, my mind folds like laundry. — Hifreequencyvibez

Hi Notez: 3/8/24

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future (bops head to the beat).

Growing up, I had one goal and one goal only…To authentically live my life being the best goofy, giggly, assertive girl I was. The possibilities were endless, they still are. But now I’m not a little girl anymore. Life has thrown me curveballs, bad days, failed relationships, and self deceit, that I allowed to negatively alter the perception I had of myself. But I’m still happy. And you wanna know why?

Because life doesn’t change us, we change ourselves.

Every time I was scapegoated, being the black sheep in my family, I rejected the full reality of the Truth that revealed itself to me. I wasn’t prepared to take the full blow that reality was dealing me, and so I took the blow internally. Unable to reckon with the fact that I was being mistreated by people I loved, I began a serious mind fuck on myself. Dahhh… We’ll get back to this.

I have so much energy coursing through my veins right now because I woke up feeling like myself again after nearly 13 years of not. Yes, I said 13 years. 13 years of living a double life. I couldn’t bridge the gap between my internal world and my outer reality. I was constantly selling myself short, no longer singing out loud, speaking up, or giving my best…I wasn’t Being myself anymore. But now, I came to an inner standing and it freed me from the barrier I placed between who I Am, and the me I present to the world.

It happened in the blink of an ideal. I woke up not too long ago, and I thought to myself, saying “What will I write about today?” The next thing I know, my mind jumps to the vision for my life… Which is not unusual, but it hasn’t been tailored or refined to my current circumstance. But this time, it wasn’t just a vision, it was a reconciliation. And instead of me building up my mojo with excitement and passion, like I usually do, my Inner Being asked me the question …

Why not? Who said you can’t fly?

I’ve always wanted to film the documentation of my life experience and process as I learn to master myself through storytelling, creating art, and making music. But ever since my life became so hectic, managing day-to-day activities has been tough. Not to mention, I’ve added multiple new habits to my weekly routine that have been challenging me to the core.

But guess what…

I have never felt so alive!

There was one point a few nights ago when my boyfriend and I had to work out at night because we moved, and it completely threw off our schedules. And after running the other day, if you read my Hi Notez that day then you know what I’m talking about, I was so nervous to meet myself back on that treadmill. And this time, we were going a day earlier. I was already sore and exhausted from working out twice the day before, but we had to, at the very least, attempt to maintain some structure during the move. So here goes nothing…

I’m already hungry as I walk into the packed gym. It’s after 7 pm and I guess it’s true, the freaks really do come out at night. I’m nervously giggling while I change into my workout clothes because I already know what’s up… That treadmill came to bury me. And although I was unprepared, I, came for redemption. That redemption lasted for a whole 15 minutes before I caved and used the bar for support. The treadmill has won again. “That sucks,” I think to myself.

I have work to do. Now we’re in the middle of part two of our training, doing a high-intensity ab workout, and I’m rattling off to my boyfriend about how I hate the week, and how I’m not giving my best to optimize what I need to do vs. what needs to be done. He tells me I’m coloring the circumstance with my emotions, which is causing me to build resistance. I shut up because he’s right. Of course, I am, but not because it’s building resistance, because I know I can give more. I can do better…

Anyway, it was during that workout, during that conversation, that I realized, that under a certain amount of pressure, and stress, my mind folds like laundry. I’d been managing well when I extended the chaos onto myself, but when life dished it out, once it got “too” hard to manage my own weight, which oddly enough is what calisthenics is all about, I began to complain. What a depressing mindset. And I don’t mean loss of vitality, clinical depression… I mean depressed like a balloon deflating right before your eyes. My mindset was not helping to keep me uplifted. In fact, it was doing the opposite.

As I sit here writing these words I realize the damage done to my mindset, being around fixed mindsets for the majority of my life, was centered around my flawed perception of my capabilities and what is possible for me. I didn’t absorb the thoughts of my family members, being a dreamer at heart, I absorbed the thought patterns. Which is like eww to me. So much more work needs to be done to eradicate these infectious self-limiting beliefs ingrained in my foundation.

But today, I was thrown a bone. A boon from The Universe if you will.

Listen I don’t know if God exists, in the few, in the many, or if there even is a hell. Hell, hell might be here on earth. Who knows? What I do know, is what I do believe in, and that is the Power of Love. And I Love Life. It’s hard, it challenges the hell outta me, and it’s full of suffering. But this is the most beautiful little space and time I have ever known. Being me for 30 years has been a roller coaster ride, seeing myself both high and low.

But through my direct experience, I have learned the direction of my North Star. It’s in my heart. Guidance is in my will to Be True. It’s in my desire to connect with All That Is. It’s in my openness to shouldering pain and burden without bitterness or resentment. It’s in my readiness to step up to the plate and in my preparation to be ready to do so. It is my honesty. It is my willingness to openly struggle. And most of all it is my faith in Knowing that if I give my all to what I love, if I do my best no matter what, whatever that results in will make me proud.

What I came to realize over this very demanding week is the level of challenge required for me to see my beast. What it would take for me to Be ALL In. What it takes for me to fly.

Yesterday, I spoke these words to The Universe…

This is my year of engagement. I will put forth the best of my honest effort. I will strengthen my weaknesses by studying and learning. I will not hold back. I can have everything I want out of myself, out of this life. I just have to be willing to do the right work. I know Love is on my side. I’m going to do everything within my power to create change within me and around me.

And I’m so excited to see who I become and what becomes of my life Being more engaged.

Today’s Hi Note is simple,

Your journey is yours to shape. Your story is yours to tell. Be authentic, Be nervous, Be a beginner… But always remember to Be You.

Thank you all tremendously for reading my work. Today serves as a turning point for my life and perception. Stay tuned to see how this awareness reflects in my upcoming work and be sure to check out more from these writers below!

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Elevate Your Vibe. Unlock Your Potential.