Who Am I? The Down-Low On The Low-Down
TBIN May Interview Challenge
Interviewer: Today we will be getting the muck on Medium writer Jennifer McDougall. Many of her pieces are penned from a satirical foundation and cover topics about the messy aspects of life from running and travel to sex and relationships. She’s even tried her hand at erotica — pun intended. But she also has serious pieces surrounding parenting, Christianity, and her role as a caregiver to her spouse with Alzheimer’s. Let’s just jump in! Welcome, Jennifer.
Jennifer (in the middle of chugging back swigs of freshly brewed coffee, spits droplets onto the jogging pants she’s jumped into every morning since teaching has been online): Oh shi… OH! Oh, hi!
Interviewer (rolling eyes right into the back of her head): I hope we didn’t catch you at a bad moment. I hear you are a busy little bumblebee teaching online, helping out your somewhat hormonal teens, and dealing with the spouse you have referred to as “evolving into a stupid, pant-pooping potato”. What do you do to relax?
Jennifer: Well, I’ve been fortunate enough through our family journey with Alzheimer’s to learn the dire need for self-care. For me that includes reading, writing, chatting with friends, and running. My running partner and I are currently training for a half-marathon. One of my go-tos has been wine but I’ve decided to temporarily suspend my relationship with it.
Interviewer (leans forward, attempts to look somewhat intrigued): Any particular reason for that?
Jennifer: When the liquor store folks called me by name and started grabbing my usual brand before I’d stumbled past the checkout I knew it was time to abstain.
Interviewer: Hm. Probably a good idea. Let’s take this back to Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她)’s question regarding what you liked to do most when you were 10 years old? Do you still find joy in those things?
Jennifer (giant smile etched across the entirety of her face): Reading and writing — which I still do. Front-crawling across pools or lakes. And I loved doing things in nature like building these crazy forts or collecting insects and snakes. We always had some creature living in our house that was in need of medical assistance — chipmunks with their eyes barely squeaked open, tulip-sized baby bunnies, or broken-winged chickadees. I don’t do enough of that thing called “being outside” lately.
Interviewer (squinting eyes, staring at Jennifer’s crowfeet and neck waddle): Yes, I can tell by your complexion. And what about TV? Did you have a favorite show? Were televisions even invented back then?
Jennifer (a chuckle erupts from a somewhat irritated-looking face): Barely. They were the same size as the picnic table we’re currently braided into. We didn’t watch much of it so I honestly can’t say what my favorite show was. My husband is always amazed at how I don’t know any cartoon characters — but we were too busy doing chores to watch the Saturday morning line-up.
Every year when the Sound Of Music played on a certain cable station we were allowed to stay up late and watch. And when Chuck and Di got hitched we yanked ourselves out of bed at 2:00 in the morning for a tiara-wearing party with our neighbors. Interesting fact: did you realize their nuptials cost about $70 million?
Interviewer: Wow. Meghan and Harry’s was only about half of that. It’s unfortunate I was too busy covering Lazybones Day in Zaandam to accept their invite. But back to your “exotic” life.
Jennifer: Um, okay. That seems a little passive-aggressive.
Interviewer (faking sympathy): Oh, pardon me, I do apologize. I’ve been working on that with my therapist. Next question: who is someone you want to connect with more this month?
Jennifer: Want to? Or need to? Because, honestly, I’m happy with my amount of Covid communication — in other words, seriously narrowing the list of “should contact” down to my very bestest of friends. I guess there are some people with whom I’d love to chat more.
Interviewer (looking extremely non-plussed, scanning their phone): Well, it’s on to the “this or that” speed round…olive oil or butter? E-books or physical books? Libraries or bookstores? Noodles or rice? Messy desk or organized one?
Jennifer: Virgin olive oil, physical books, libraries, noodles, messy even though my OCD would prefer organized.
Interviewer (grimaces): Well, thanks for being here. I look forward to the articles you are going to share with us.
Jennifer (fake smile): I’m sure you do… A real “pleasure”…
Articles
My top viewed article on Medium
But of course, it is a piece of erotica.
A poem
I’m not much of a poet
so wouldn’t you just know it
here’s my “About Me” article instead.
A piece where I bare my heart
I tend to bare my heart in most of my writing, but I believe I was particularly vulnerable in this one — among the first I wrote on Medium.
A piece that is longer than 3 mins
This one will also share a bit more about my reading choices.
An article from my favorite writer
Choosing just one is extremely difficult. There are so many incredible authors on Medium. I went to my “saved” list and here is a couple that made me laugh out loud (which can prove problematic when your teens want to know why your bellows are interrupting their Snapchatting).
I look forward to getting to know many more of you!
©Jennifer J. McDougall 2021
