When You Lose One Parent

And are scared shit about losing the other.

I lost my dad just over a year ago. While he was alive, I spent considerable time with him. I spent most of my work life at home and if I was at work; we were just phone calls from each other. So, it was easy to be attentive to his needs. He died while I was stuck in Canada at the start of the pandemic. Time spent with him helped me cope after he passed.

Now that he is gone, I have become more sensitive and attentive to the needs of my mum. On a good day, when you meet mum, she has incredible energy physically and psychologically. However, dad’s passing has taken its toll on her mental health. She has bouts of sadness and feels alone. This seems to be trickling down to her body. Furthermore, the economic climate is very harsh. Most entrepreneurs including her, have it rough. I watch her and see how she has changed so much. It’s concerning.

Someone once said to me about family: “in a large family, the first set of kids embodies the essence of both parents. Things vary a bit more when more kids come.” I do not know how true this is, but I can relate. Just like dad, I have spent considerable time with mum. It’s as if I can see into her soul. As I am away from home, my mind is always at home.

Sometime last year, I attended an interview back home. One of the most appealing bits of the job was spending more time at home with mum and my husband. I did not get the job cos the employers realized they could not afford to pay me. They let me know by ghosting me.

I have returned to North America. I secured a job a few weeks after I arrived. One good thing about my employer is that he is flexible. So basically, I can travel home anytime I want. I only need to worry about flight tickets, covid-19 restrictions, and having proper travel documents. In fact, I visited the embassy as I returned from my last trip cos I did not want any barriers to travel.

For now, I talk to mum every other day. Funny enough, it was never like this. Once a week used to be the norm. I am a worrier and as far as she is concerned; I deal with it by speaking to her as often as I can. A few times, I ask my close friends to go check on her. The funny thing is that she is so used to taking care of herself and everyone that she sometimes refuses help. Being strong sure has its downsides.

I am scheduled to see her in July. I have also prepared my mind to fly out on the shortest possible notice. Until then, I’ll make do with video calls. My prayer is that she would live longer and enjoy more fruits of life despite how unfriendly and uncertain the world is now. She’s made too many sacrifices.