I Met My Husband and Then…

“You are the mower of lawns, the unclogger of sinks, the griller of burgers, and the provider of helicopter rides for our children…”-Unknown

At The Beginning

I started talking to my husband at one of the lowest points of my life. For starters, I was in a difficult relationship with my ex. Second, my dad was critically ill. The former created in me the desire for something much better. The latter was a catalyst. I have never been one with too many needs and so when I spoke to him; it took little for him to meet my requirements. A common friend had done the introductory honors. My inner person embraced who he was. There were many externals that weren’t quite ‘it’ but those weren’t my focus.

At that point, and for most times in my life, I needed a friend and someone who would be an agreeable companion. I am attuned to long-term things so casual sexual relationships have never appealed to me. Coincidentally, my husband-to-be admitted that he was tired of casual non-committal relationships so we agreed in that regard. He later admitted he sensed some distraction from me and knew he needed to get my full attention. He was right. Even though I had been in a difficult relationship, the effect of my ex on me had not worn off. My feelings for him were not what they used to be, but they weren’t completely absent.

The Role of Dad’s Death

During dad’s ill health and impending death, there was a mood that came upon me that couldn’t accommodate excesses or foolishness of any sort. It seemed as if I was doing an audit. As per my relationship with my ex, all that indecisiveness of should I stay or should I go disappeared. My ex-boyfriend struggled with my decision. What followed was definite talk and action.

At that point, I had met my husband-to-be, and he now had more of my attention. That original sync was still there, but I struggled with some other baggage. I also struggled with trust and a host of other behaviors I would refer to as his idiosyncrasies. I had waited for so long and had seen many behaviors while dating. Hence, I was not so fazed. If I was younger and the circumstances were different, perhaps I would have walked away. Instead, I stayed and eventually took the plunge. Doubts plagued me every step of the way. I stayed because there was a driving conviction and I was ready for this next step.

Some Perks

On the good side, people say we look alike. That makes me laugh. They say our noses are both pointed. I didn’t quite notice. It must be that thing where I pursue the person’s essence and ignore the phenotype. I am accustomed to being a lone ranger. So, it feels good now that someone else is watching your back. We have similar affinities for healthy eating and both believe food is medicine. He believes in the importance of spirituality. I do too. We both love to smile and laugh out loud. Sometimes, our sensibilities align, other times, not so much. We are both sensitive souls, so things get tricky when we are both feeling sensitive. In intellectual matters, my husband would reproduce word for word, a material he has read. I’ll skim-read the same material, then paraphrase.

Other Realities

I am a very vocal person, and sometimes my tone and words hit hard. So far, my husband does not take it well. We are adjusting to each other. My husband can be snobbish when he is trying to protect his emotions. I hate it when he is in snob mode. My primary reaction is to talk him out of it. My alternate and popular reaction is to stay away for as long as it’s reasonable. He eats frequently, and he likes proper meals. I do well with at least 2 proper meals a day cos I take a while to digest. He seems to get hungry every 3 hours. I don’t know where those six-packs come from. We ought to trade. I dislike unnecessary chores. He doesn’t mind them. I can be diplomatic. He is mostly a straight talker. A few other times, he’d beat around the bush or wouldn’t speak at all. I dislike the latter. So far, we have outstanding days, and other times, we have crappie days. Sometimes I worry about surprises waiting around the corner. For now, I take one day at a time prayerfully.

Thanks, Jason Edmunds, and thanks to Chelsea Marie.