Summary

The author reflects on her husband's unexpected response to the hypothetical scenario of her infidelity, expressing his willingness to forgive and work through the issue, which contrasts with her own uncertainty about her ability to forgive or tolerate such a betrayal.

Abstract

In a recent conversation, the author's husband revealed a surprising perspective on infidelity, suggesting that he would be willing to forgive her if she ever cheated on him. This revelation left the author contemplating the implications of such forgiveness and whether she could reciprocate it. She grapples with the idea of staying in a relationship after an affair, considering the potential emotional toll and the challenge of living up to the ideal of monogamy. While appreciating her husband's unconditional love and forgiveness, she remains skeptical about the possibility of truly moving past infidelity and questions the fairness of expecting forgiveness for a betrayal that she personally could not forgive in herself.

Opinions

The author values monogamy and takes pride in her history of fidelity, viewing it as a reflection of her loyal nature.
She is uncertain about her ability to forgive a partner for infidelity, doubting her capacity to cope with the betrayal.
The author believes that it may not be right or fair for her husband to consider forgiving her for cheating, as she holds herself to a standard of not putting a loved one through such pain.
She acknowledges that theoretical discussions about forgiveness in the face of infidelity are simpler than the complex reality of experiencing it.
Despite her husband's assertion that he could forgive her, the author does not intend to test this promise, preferring to maintain the integrity of their relationship without such trials.

What My Husband Said He Would Do If I Ever Cheated On Him

Not what I expected.

When we enter into long-term relationships and/or marriages, there’s usually an expectation of monogamy — unless you’re in a relationship where both parties have agreed that monogamy is not a central goal, of course.

Those of us who are in monogamous long-term relationships tend to hold the idea of romantic loyalty close to our hearts. I know I do.

I have a sense of pride about having never cheated on my husband — or any of my past romantic partners. It means something to me.

I understand that this view is not shared by everyone and that all relationships are inevitably different. I’m a loyal person by nature who enjoys one-on-one interaction, so perhaps being faithful to just one romantic partner isn’t as difficult for me as it may be for other people.

I’m not great at juggling multiple relationships. One romantic partner is quite enough for me. Other people have different needs and find being monogamous an arduous challenge.

The subject of infidelity came up in a discussion between me and my husband recently and he had a rather surprising perspective on the whole thing — one I hadn’t expected.

My husband told me that if I ever cheated on him for some reason, he would forgive me and he expressed hope that we could work through that kind of problem if it were ever to arise.

What? I was immediately taken aback.

I was left pondering how on earth my husband could still be in a relationship with me after I had cheated on him. It was a stunning revelation and I wasn’t even sure I was comfortable with it.

It seemed like a sweet sentiment, initially. Having a loving partner who would forgive infidelity is what many people dream of. However, I had a couple of issues with that sweet sentiment.

Firstly, if he felt he could somehow forgive me if I cheated on him, does that mean I would have to do the same? I’m honestly not sure that I could. I mean, it sounds promising in theory, but in actuality, I’m not so sure I could cope with that kind of betrayal.

I’ve seen the carnage affairs can bring. I’m not so naive to think that my marriage could unequivocally survive an affair. None of us truly know how we would feel until we’re in that kind of situation, living through it.

Secondly, is it even OK for my husband to consider forgiving my theoretical infidelity? Does he (theoretically) deserve to go through that? I don’t think so. I have always told myself that I would never put someone I love through that kind of pain. I also hold the belief that I would end a relationship first if I felt I was in danger of cheating. In my mind, that would be the right thing to do.

When we think about what we might do or would probably do in certain situations, it’s much more simple than living through the actual events and having to feel the emotions that come with it.

I know that I would be devastated if I found out my husband cheated on me. The emotions I would undoubtedly go through would be crushing. I would assume that it would be the same for him.

While it might be nice to theorize our levels of forgiveness for circumstances that have not happened yet, I think it's important to acknowledge that people don’t always react in the way they think they would or in the way that they would want to react in any given situation.

As far as my husband thinking that he could forgive me for cheating on him — I do admire his sweet intentions and his expression of unconditional love for me. I adore him for that. However, I don’t think I’ll be putting those sweet intentions to the test.

Has your partner forgiven you for cheating on them or vice versa? How did that work out?

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