Life/Divorce

The One True Thing I Can Tell You About Divorce

From experience.

Statistics over the past few years indicate that over 40% of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. It’s estimated that 60% of all second marriages end in divorce, while 73% of third marriages will end in divorce.

So, what conclusions could we possibly come to about divorce after digesting these statistics?

Could we assume that people who get married simply don’t know what they’re getting into? Should we have the opinion that people shouldn’t re-marry if they’ve already been divorced once — or even twice? Could we conclude that marriage is just an impractical institution altogether?

All of the above could be valid in one realm of experience or another — although what’s true for one situation may not be true for another.

There is one true thing I can tell you about divorce, however. Something I know to be true.

Divorce means you tried.

Divorce means that at some point you decide to enter into a legal commitment with someone. It means you made a choice. A meaningful one. Perhaps it may not have turned out to be a good choice — but you made one nonetheless.

When we make choices about our lives and/or relationships, we usually like to believe that the choices we make are the best choices we could have possibly made. In reality, sometimes those choices are made out of convenience, haste, pressure, or just plain inexperience.

Sometimes we make bad choices. We may not have realized those choices were ‘bad’ at the time, but those choices are often lessons. They are the scars from what we once thought was best. They are memories of a time when we tried.

I’ve written before about refusing to live in the shadows of ‘divorce shame’. I did the best I could at the time of my first marriage with the experience and knowledge that I had at the time. I got out of my first marriage for what I consider to be good reasons.

Marriage isn’t easy — as you may have heard from married people everywhere. Even couples who get married when they’re 18 and stay married until they die have faced insurmountable pain and struggle within their marriages.

Just because a couple doesn’t get divorced doesn’t mean they don’t have any problems. It just means they decided to stay married regardless of those problems. Maybe they go to counseling — maybe they don’t. Maybe they stay married hating one another for the grievances caused— maybe they don’t.

We’ll never know what truly goes on inside of a marriage.

The same goes for divorce. We on the outside don’t get to decide if the reasons why a couple decides to get divorced are necessarily valid. That’s not up to us — and it’s none of our business, quite frankly. We can make it our business, sure, but that doesn’t mean it IS.

Just know that anyone who’s gotten a divorce probably did try to keep the marriage together at some point. They most likely gave it their best shot — which may be different than what you consider to be a ‘best shot’.

Not everyone functions the same way within relationships or enters into them with the same knowledge and/or experience.

Mistakes mean you lived. And if you become wise enough to learn from your mistakes, you can learn to live in a better, more functional way. The same goes for relationships. Marriages end. Divorce happens.

Divorce means you tried. You tried your hand at love. You tried your hand at being a partner. You tried your hand at commitment. You were brave and you were hopeful. Not everyone can say this whether it worked out in the end or not.

And that’s what I know to be true.

Want more articles from me? Keep scrolling.

You can support me over at my ko-fi with a quick tip or a monthly contribution of your choosing… ;)