Women/Sexuality
Why Do Heterosexual Women Have Fewer Orgasms Than Any Other Demographic?
Sex without an orgasm simply won’t do — at least for me.
It’s not a rare occurrence that I’ve heard women friends say to me, “My husband got some last night but I just wasn’t into it.”
This is code for I didn’t have an orgasm — in case you didn’t know.
I don’t know about same-sex relationships because I haven’t been in one, but as far as my experience with heterosexual relationships, it seems very clear that a good amount of women are forgoing their sexual pleasure just to appease their male partners with sex. Very rarely is it the other way around.
You can say that you still enjoy sex without an orgasm or that you simply enjoy the physical intimacy of sex without a physical climax, but the fact remains that this is a big issue for heterosexual women.
A large study found that heterosexual women have fewer orgasms during sex than any other demographic, and it’s notably fewer than heterosexual men.
According to The Independent, researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University, and the Kinsey Institute studied over 52,000 Americans of different genders and sexual orientations to look into how orgasm frequency varies.
Heterosexual men were most likely to say they usually or always orgasm when they’re sexually intimate, with 95% agreeing. The next group most likely to orgasm were gay men (89%) followed by bisexual men (88%).
For women of all sexual orientations, all three male demographics came above the female groups. Amongst women, lesbians orgasm most when sexually intimate, with 86% reporting that they usually or always do. This is followed by bisexual women at 66% — and straight women at 65%.
The study strongly suggests that when a man is added into the sexual mix with a woman, the likelihood of her having an orgasm diminishes considerably.
The researchers believe that these “orgasm gaps” have come about as a result of sociocultural and evolutionary factors.
The influence of pornography on the heterosexual male population was not mentioned in this particular study but the effects are significant including research that suggests “A significant disparity between the reality of sex with a partner and porn-related sexual fantasy during masturbation.” You can read more about that research here.
According to the researchers studying the orgasmic activity of heterosexual women, “Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.”
Presumably, there are heterosexual men not doing these things to their women.
The researchers also looked into why there was such a large difference between the frequency of orgasms for lesbian and straight women, concluding that lesbian women likely have a better understanding both of female anatomy and clitoral stimulation. That certainly makes sense.
Researchers pointed out that lesbian women are better at taking turns in the bedroom than straight men are. Interesting. This implies that women simply play better in the proverbial sandbox, knowing how to share and take turns.
One of the most stunning conclusions from researchers in the study explained, “The fact that lesbian women orgasmed more often than heterosexual women indicates that many heterosexual women could experience higher rates of orgasms.”
Wait, what? Could?
In other words, You could be having tons of orgasms in your romantic relationships but you’re not for reasons that seem to lean strongly towards being a heterosexual woman. The clear implication is that if heterosexual women were lesbians instead, they’d be experiencing a lion's share of sexual pleasure.
Obviously, not every woman is a lesbian or has the desire to be. However, the reason why so many heterosexual women aren’t having more orgasms could be because certain men simply don’t know how to give their woman an orgasm.
Not only that, but heterosexual women in these unsatisfying sexual relationships may not be asking their partner for what they really want. They might be ashamed of communicating their true sexual fantasies to their partner among other insecurities that could be preventing them from speaking up.
Additionally, one mustn’t forget that many women carry sexual trauma with them which can affect their ability to feel sexual pleasure.
Global estimates by the World Health Organization suggest one in three women will experience physical or sexual violence in her lifetime, usually by an intimate partner. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates approximately 1 in 4 women has experienced a rape or attempted rape. Women are also more likely than men to be survivors of child sexual abuse, with 25% of girls experiencing this form of abuse during childhood. Sexual abuse is the most common form of trauma for women.
That said, researchers did recommend certain behaviors or actions that could help improve female pleasure within heterosexual relationships such as:
- More oral sex
- Longer lasting sex
- Higher relationship satisfaction
- Asking for what you want in bed
- Praising your partner for what they do in bed
- Calling or emailing “to tease about doing something sexual” — presumably a text or Snapchat works too
- Wearing sexy lingerie
- Trying new sexual positions
- Anal stimulation
- Acting out fantasies
- Incorporating “sexy talk”
- Expressing love during sex
As I said, I know heterosexual women who struggle to achieve orgasms with their male partners. Most of them have just given up and resigned themselves to non-orgasmic sex. That makes me feel sad for them.
I can’t imagine my own partner feeling okay with not pleasuring me. However, it isn’t all up to my partner to make sure I orgasm. I have to show up to the party too.
Sex without an orgasm is not good sex in my book and if I don’t feel as though I’m going to orgasm during sex — forget it.
I might have sex without an orgasm once in a while, but that’s not the norm.
It’s important to know your own body and masturbating regularly in order to know how you can have an orgasm is something I believe every woman should do or at least try to do if she hasn’t already.
It may not come naturally to women who have grown up feeling shame about masturbation or sex or who may have experienced sexual trauma but, in the end, I think every woman deserves to feel physical pleasure through sex no matter what her sexual orientation is.
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