What it takes to make a relationship work

Are you ready to build a partnership that stands the test of time? This is what it takes to make a relationship work.

by: E.B. Johnson

Relationships don’t happen by accident. They require work and they require commitment from the parties involved. We have to want to be with our partners, and we have to want to be better partners too. There are foundational cornerstones that every relationship needs in order to thrive. Without these foundations, we stumble, fall, and get caught up in the minuscule drama of life’s day-to-day adversity.

Do you and your partner have what it takes to make your relationship last? Do your roots run deep in trust, communication, commitment, and connection? If you want a partnership that is strong enough to withstand the test of time, you have to get honest about your needs and honest about where you stand as a couple. Building a partnership requires effort, but it also requires a desire for the same future. It’s time for you both to be honest about where you are and where you want to go.

Building a partnership requires effort.

We’ve been sold a lot of designs and a lot of dreams when it comes to the “perfect” relationship. Some of us believe in a relationship that happens with ease, as if by magic. While still some of see them as challenges which must be battled-through and overcome. Neither of these images is entirely correct, all stable relationships do have one thing in common: partners who are committed to growing together and putting in the

Building a relationship requires effort. Both parties must sit down and take a good, honest look at themselves and the things they want from one another (and their futures). The strongest relationships aren’t the ones with the best sex, or the most money. They’re the ones based on incredible truths and undeniable affection.

Does your relationship have what it takes? Are you both working toward the same future and striving to stay connected through these challenging times? Our relationships are only as good as we allow them to be. In order to thrive, though, they must be given the change to grow, and use within them. Embrace your independence and mutual desire to live as one. Be conscious, present, and grateful. Want a better relationship? Be a better partner from the inside out.

Does your relationship have what it takes?

Great partnerships aren’t an accident. They don’t happen by magic, and they don’t work around a foundation of love alone. A lot goes in to making our relationships last, and that includes honesty, mutual independence, communication flow, respect, and a shared sense of vision.

Incredible honesty

Honesty is an important component of every relationship, be it platonic or romantic. When it comes to our intimate partnerships, though, it’s especially crucial. Do you and your partner share an incredible sense of honesty with one another? Is the truth something that comes naturally? We must be able to open up with one another authentically in order to make things work through adversity.

A sense of independence

So many people lose themselves in the shadow of their relationships. They’re so desperate to make things work that they put who they are on the back-burner completely. Losing this core self, they create divides and push their partners away with a lack of authenticity. It’s key that we maintain our independence throughout our relationships. This can be done by maintaining personal space and leaving room for your own passions and interests.

Intimate connection

What is your intimate life like with your partner? Are you regularly physical with one another? Do you feel safe opening up to one another emotionally? Intimate connection is a foundation stone, and it keeps us focused on one another and the futures we are working toward. It also enhances the compassion and empathy in our partnerships, making it crucial to building partnerships that thrive and grow in unison.

Communication flow

Relationships of any type cannot work without a free flow of communication. Communication allows us to set expectations, express our emotions, and create plans of action together. We need to speak up when we’re feeling hurt, or ask for help when we’re falling short. What are the communication patterns like in your relationship? If you both open up with ease, then odds are your relationship has what it takes to last.

Undeniable playfulness

The happiest relationships have an undeniable air of playfulness to them. This occurs because the partners are connected and focused on the right things within one another and their lives. Do you and your partner still remember what it feels like to play with one another? To flirt, and laugh, and be silly? By re-establishing this sense of childlike wonder in one another (and the world you’re building) you can stand strong together even when the challenges pile up.

Endless optimism

Strong relationships aren’t strong by accident. They don’t remain steadfast simply because the right people got together. Two people make a commitment to make their partnership work, and then they follow through with conscious choice and action. How can they keep this up over time? They turn their eyes to optimism and the mutual future that they’re excited about building with one another. Tap back into your optimism and you strengthen your bonds.

Unprompted reinforcement

Affection is so critical in a romantic relationship, but it’s far more than kissing and touching one another intimately. We are affectionate through our words and platonic actions just as much (if not more so) than we are through sexuality. Long-term relationships recognize this, and the best of them are built by the partners engaged in unprompted reinforcement of this affection. It’s little actions that say “I love you,” without saying those words, or expecting anything in return.

Commitment to trust

There can be little sustaining love between two people who don’t trust one another. Without trust, contempt and resentment can bubble up and boil over — pushing us away from one another. We won’t communicate, we won’t act with respect, and we will show a little compassion when we don’t trust our partners. Does your relationship have what it takes? Not if you can’t trust one another.

Shared sense of direction

We spend a lot of time trying to build our relationships around similarities like what kind of music we like, or what football team we support. These are just superficialities, though, and will mean little when your relationship is challenged or pressed against a wall. The trust similarity that indicates a relationship that is meant to last is the shared sense of direction that both partners hold. Do you want the same things from your futures? Your careers? Your families? These things matter more than anything else.

Becoming better partners to build better partnerships.

Every relationship can cultivate the above qualities, but both partners are required to look inward and take action in the name of their own growth and assurances. If you want a better relationship — one in which you both trust one another and stand strong beside each other — work on being a better partner and a better, happier person in your own right.

1. Get clear on your own needs (and meet them)

How can we share a sense of vision with our partners when we don’t even know what our own vision is? How can we communicate our needs when we don’t even know what those needs are? You need to spend some time getting clear on what you want from yourself, your life, and your partner before you build up expectations or start to pull yourself away in the direction of an opposite future.

Spend some time alone and consider this question: What do I want from my life? Don’t rush to answer it, but do allow your answers to come to you honestly and openly. Don’t shy away from them or flinch when they don’t match up to whatever premature expectations you’ve set for yourself and the world around you.

Once you know what you want, consider what actions you can take to meet your own needs. Avoid looking to your partner to do the things that you can rightfully for yourself. Stop expecting them to do things that are your responsibility alone. Get used to making yourself happy and allow this to bolster your self-confidence and your comfort in your partnership. When you stop expecting a partner to carry you, you often find the journey can be quite pleasant.

2. Cultivate greater self-confidence

No matter what we want to do in life, self-confidence is a crucial part of the equation. We have to believe in ourselves (and our abilities) in order to overcome challenges, take action, and even open up to other people. Our relationships are no different. In order to stay connected, yet independent, we must know that our partners are worth trusting and that we are worth loving and respecting.

Instead of allowing your insecurities to run the show, shove them to the backseat. Focus on those parts of self which are strong and capable. Grab a journal and start recording all the times you did something well or managed a victory that you didn’t think was possible.

Fall in love with yourself. Celebrate your body. Celebrate your little victories at work, or in your battles with mental wellness. Use these to cultivate a greater self-confidence. Then incorporate your weaknesses or perceived shortcomings, and see them as the missing puzzle pieces that make you the beautiful, imperfectly perfect person that you are. You’re unique and so is your partnership. Love these things.

3. Increase gratitude to increase joy

We live in a world that seems to become more mentally taxing by the day. It can be hard to stay in a positive frame of mind when our homes and our countries are literally on fire, but we have to find a way to see some good in ourselves and the people that matter most. By getting back in touch with this gratitude, we can increase our own sense of joy; as well as the joy we take in our relationships.

When you’re happy, it’s easier to communicate, and it’s easier to be open and affectionate with your partners. It’s also easier to stay emotionally detached when things go wrong, or take a more subjective point of view. Increasing our joy also helps our partner to increase theirs, and can encourage them to see their own life in a different way.

Set aside a new journal and assign it as your “Gratitude Journal”. Every day when you wake up, right down three things that you’re grateful for in your relationship. Then write down 3 things you’re grateful for in your general life. At night, you can do a similar thing. Before you lay down to go to sleep, record 3 instances of things that went well that day. Look back over this journal regularly and reconnect with those instances of joy and how they made you feel.

4. Be consciously selfless on a regular basis

Our society is one that pushes a heavily narcissistic agenda. Everything around us is about the “me”. It’s all about looking better, being better, and showing the world how good you are. We get swept up in social media loops, the sound of our own voice, and — before we know it — we’re miserably self-focused on a barren inward landscape. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this self-obsession, it doesn’t bode well of a long-term relationship.

Break out of your self-obsession and find better ways to be consciously selfless on a regular basis. Do things for your partner without being asked. Go out of your way to make them happy every once in a while. Remember what it feels like to do nice things for other people, rather than just nice things for yourself.

Be present while you give. Allow those positive emotions to overwhelm all that frantic narcissistic energy that has you obsessed with every flaw and facet of your body and personality. Compliment your partner with no hope of returned of affection. Remind them that you love them and list some traits you adore without needing a reason. These little acts fortify our love for one another and keep us bonded in compassion when things get challenging.

5. Stay excited about the future

Have you and your partner lost sight of the future you once wanted to build? Do you still make plans together? Or do you mostly spend your time struggling in the here-and-now? You need to be excited about your futures together if you truly want to thrive together. This means giving yourselves things to look forward to and ensuring that the visions of long-term happiness that you share are truly aligned in authenticity.

Take a break from reality and spend some time with your partner considering your futures. If it’s been a long time since the last time that you planned, get reacquainted with the things that matter most to you. What are your family plans? Long-term career objectives? Where you do want to live and what quality of life do you want to have?

Allow yourselves to build a future you can get excited about, then establish some mile-marker rewards along the way. Give yourselves something to look forward to on a regular basis. Maybe this is a movie night, or a once-a-year solo trip to a place you pick together. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but you both need to have exciting goals to work forward to together in order to keep your foundations strongly attached.

Putting it all together…

Good relationships don’t happen by accident, and they certainly don’t happen by magical design. The partnership that thrives is one that is built on trust, compassion, honesty, and a shared vision of the future. Do you and your partner have what it takes to make your relationship last? If you want a better partnership, you have to begin by making yourself a better partner and person.

Get clear on your needs and spend some time meeting them. Don’t rely on your partner to provide yourself with the basic foundations of happiness that you can provide for yourself. This takes pressure off the relationship and allows you to create a greater sense of self-confidence. Lean into this boosted self-esteem and then increase your gratitude in both your relationship and your life. When we feel confident in ourselves and grateful for our partners, we can build more cohesive, stable, and trusting partnerships than we’ve ever known before. Still the conflicts by reaching out to your partner in selfless displays of affection and care. Little-by-little, you will move toward one another and find ways to get excited about your future together once more.