How social media is actually making you feel more alone

Social media is exacerbating our feelings of loneliness. Can we overcome our addiction and find our happiness again?

by: E.B. Johnson

Today, we are more connected than we have ever been before. From the moment we wake up, until the moment we put our heads down at night, we are plugged into the world around us and the people we know and love. So why do we feel more alone than ever? According to some research, the answer is social media.

One of the greatest ironies of the rise of social media is that overuse of its platforms can actually cause us to feel more alone and more isolated than we might actually be. If you’re feeling alone, social media platforms like Facebook might seem like a lifevest on a sinking ship, but it might be the last thing you need. Coming to accept that, however, takes unplugging and coming to understand what truly makes us happy.

The study.

In March 2017, researchers at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine published the results of a two year study to the American Journal of Preventative Medicine. The study, led by Brian Primack (Director of Pitt’s Center for Research on Media, Technology, and Health) sought to discover what the correlation was bewteen social media use and feelings of loneliness. Giants like Facebook claim to connect us. Do they really? Primack and Pitt aimed to find out.

The study sampled more than 1,500 U.S. adults ranging in from ages 19–32. Researchers used questionnaires to identify the daily and weekly patterns of social media use, and they also guaged the participants’ perceived social isolation using a specialized assessment tool known as the “Patient-Reported Outcomes Measurement Information System”.

Those involved in the study were asked about their time and frequency on social media platforms, and were regularly reassessed over a period of 3 years. Over time, researchers began to see that those who spent more than 2 hours a day on platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Reddit and Snapchat actually showed more than 2x the odds of feeling lonely or socially isolated, compared to those who did not. Those who visited social media platforms more than 58x per week were more than 3x likely to experience those same feelings. The results were surprising, and revealed some even more surprising home truths about ourselves and our society.

What it means.

The results of the study revealed that overuse of social media can exacerbate feelings of loneliness or social isolation, leading many already-at-risk individuals to feel more cut off from the social support and resources they so desperately need. But it also revealed something else — the ways in which social media can exacerbate our feelings of loneliness and detachment.

Displacement of social experiences

The more time that one spends online, the less time one has for real-world social interactions. For this reason, increased social media use can actually lead to a displacement of critical social experiences; making it hard (if not impossible) for us to connect on the deeply personal levels we need in order to feel heard, appreciated and seen.

Idealized over-exposure

When it comes to social media we only post our highlight reels, doing our damndest to make sure everyone thinks our life is perfect and we are above reproach. The problem with this, however, is that this exposure to overidealized lifestyles and exagerrated victories can lead you to develop a skewed sense of self and reality. No one’s life is perfect, but it can be hard to see that when you’re stuck in a constant digital Race Against the Jones’.

Feelings of exclusion

Surprise! Platforms like Facebook can actually increase the feeling or perception that you’re being excluded — leading to hurt feelings and greater social isolation on your part. Seeing pictures of friends enjoying themselves at events you didn’t attend only helps to build the false narrative that you’re alone and disliked (something which, in a vicious cycle, makes you more desperate for the pitiable attention platforms like Facebook provide.)

The worst side effect of social media overuse.

As human’s we’re inherently social creatures; a double-edge sword to carry through life. Research continues to show that our social habits contribute greatly to our overall levels of happiness and wellbeing, but they also contribute to our physical health, our immune systems and even our longevity.

Some studies have shown that feelings of loneliness and social isolation can actually lead to shocking physiological changes that can cause us to fall sick or even die prematurely. In older adults, feelings of loneliness can actually increase the risk of early death by 14%.

This occurs because of a nasty little hormone called cortisol, which is generated by our bodies when we feel stressed, anxious or at-risk. Cortisol can harden our arteries, cause inflammation throughout the body and even diminish our cognitive function and memory. While solitude can be good for your health from time-to-time, loneliness and social isolation are a serious threat to both our health and our happiness — something which social media can exacerbate in the wrong time and place.

How to reign in your social media use.

The good news about all of this is that it’s relatively easy to retrain your brain and take a short step back from your social media. By applying a few simple techniques to your daily routine, you can learn how to reconnect with real world in order to start feeling happy and connected again.

1. Delete all social media apps from your phone and/or tablet.

Social media is, by far, the biggest temptation when it comes to a tech addiction. It’s also (funnily enough) the biggest offender when it comes to the negative impacts that technology can have on our mental and physical health.

Start your digital detox by removing all of your social media apps from your phone; this means Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler — all of it. Minimize your temptation to pick up the phone by deleting the treats that tempt you most.

You don’t have to delete your accounts or get unnecessarily dramatic about it. Leave yourself access to these platforms on your desktop computer, but remove them from easy access. Tech addiction is real, and if it’s starting to come in-between you and what matters most, you’ve got to get serious.If you were on an intense diet, would you leave a box of Little Debbie’s in the cupboard? I’d hope not. Delete the social media apps and maximize your chance of success by minimizing your temptation.

2. Turn off the notifications.

Cutting off on your digital dependency means decreasing your awareness of it at all times of the day. If you’re still not in the place where you’re ready to delete the apps, turn off your phone’s push notifications and make sure you’re not getting alerts every time a bot coughs your way on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

You can start by silencing just one or two platforms, and you can also start by just silencing them for specific periods of the day. Set up a time in which you allow yourself to check your phone but stick to it, and try to keep it to 20 minutes or less.

By giving yourself limited windows in which to interact with your phone and digital life, you can take back control of your reality and reconnect with the important things around you. Notifications are nothing more than a constant temptation to go back to old, self-destructive ways. Avoid that temptation by turning them off altogether.

3. Keep your phone out of sight (and silent) for meals, get-togethers, meetings and conversations.

While you don’t have to unplug completely, you do need to readjust to life without your phone. Our days are full of a thousand little social interactions. Use these as opportunities to reconnect and keep your phone out of sight while you do.

Leave your phone in your bag or pocket when you’re speaking to someone and make sure it’s on silent and out of sight for important events like meetings, get-togethers and meals with your friends.

Removing the distraction of your phone allows you to actually engage with the people and places that you come across, and truly live in the moment in a way that we struggle to in our virtual world. When we’re glued to our phones, we forget other people, and that erodes our relationships, makes us look unprofessional and leaves us feeling isolated and helpless.

4. Ease into the process.

Just like you would prepare before running a marathon, you need to prepare before plunging yourself feet-first into a social media mini-detox. Your ultimate goal, when it comes to breaking a tech addiction and finding yourself again, should be to learn how to live life without constant digital feedback. In order to do that, you need to get used to living without your phone for long periods of time.

Ease into that process by starting with short “no-tech” breaks of just 15 minutes. Turn off your phone, computer or tablet (completely) and put it out of sight (if possible). Do something else to distract yourself and increase the amount of time you go without your phone gradually.You can also start the journey slowly by designating a single day to step away from your phone or a certain social media platform. For example, Saturday’s could be the day you don’t log on to Twitter.

There’s no right way to do it and there’s no wrong way to do it, but see how long you can go without access to the constant feedback that your phone offers. Get creative and start off at a time that’s convenient for you (not on the weekend of the big game, or mid-week before that major proposal is due). Your weakness (or strength) might surprise you.

5. Find a new fix in the real world.

Addiction to social media, just like other types of addiction, leaves us craving a hit that can make us feel just as good or better. If you really want to cut the cord and find the person that you were before tech, replace this tech-fix with a more positive real-word fix.

Take a moment to sit down and really consider the websites, devices and apps you’re spending the most time on. Ask yourself what it is about these sites that draw you in and keep you coming back for more. Maybe the artistic photos on Instagram inspire you. Substitute that craving by visiting an art museum. Maybe the comedy on Twitter leaves you laughing. Go to a local comedy show.

Replace your cravings for social media with real life experiences that leave you feeling fulfilled and inspired to do more with yourself and your life. When you’re able to honestly identify what it is you are getting from your digital addiction, you’ll be able to more honestly identify what aspects of your life are lacking or what you might need to work on changing.

Putting it all together…

While — in the proper dosage — social media can be a powerful tool for connection, it can also be a damaging weapon in the hands of a broken sense of self. When we’re feeling alone or isolated from the things and people that matter most, social media overuse can actually exacerbate those feelings and leave us feeling worse than we did before. Avoiding this heartache is all about getting to the root of you and embracing your true feelings and your true needs.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and disconnected by your addictive social media use, start small, by turning off notifications and giving yourself a few social media-free moments each day. If the temptation is still too strong, delete those apps from your phone or tablet, and learn how to reconnect with the people that matter most by keeping your phone out of sight when it comes to meals, conversations or get-togethers. Find a real world fix for your social media addiction and lose that perception of social isolation by actually flexing your real-world social skills again. Overcoming a social media addiction isn’t easy, but it is necessary to find our happiness again…one day at a time.