What I Learned About Our Ability To Bounce Back And Avoid The Cliff Edge.
We have to focus on ourselves.
Thank you for reading. I know the title sounds heroic, but the reality is far from that. Everyone takes hits. Some stay down. A select few claws back up.
This story is not about self-help. I have read a couple of self-help books on emotional recovery and found them to be too generic.
Take, for instance, the need to talk it out. I mean, of course. When we are depressed, we have to release the steam from the kettle. Bottling the unfortunate events magnifies them in our minds.
And the logical subsequent step is to talk to people we trust. As again, yes, of course. When we are with the people we trust, we open up. Therefore, we listen more and converse more at a deeper level.
I typed the above because they are found pervasively in books or websites.
The blind-spots of the above advice remain undiscovered by lucky optimists. To them, reading such content is about knowledge. It is not sufficient for those in need of healing.
Let me elaborate below.
Letting It Out Is Necessary. Being Specific Is An Issue.
Babies and young children let it out. They do that all the time. Dads do not know what the issue is. What dads know is the child is in distress.
We learned to let it out by alerting the people around us. That is the first step of many. Dads know that a problem or a barrage of them, exists. However, solving the problem is impossible without knowing what those problems are.
And so, we have to communicate.
Communication Requires Self-Awareness.
A young child crying is sufficient to grab their parent’s attention. The little one still has to tell the adults what happened.
The little one might be in pain and is unable to talk. Let us assume that he is rubbing his tummy. Without communication, dads have no clue.
- Did something knock against him?
- Did he fall and land on his tummy?
- Did he poop on his pants?
- Does he have stomach gas?
You see, it is insufficient to rub the pain spot. We have to tell what is wrong.
That is the real issue.
Why We Can Be In Pain And We Choose To Stay Silent?
Chances are, if you are reading this story, you are an adult and not a young child.
There is a truckload of reasons for remaining silent. I can think of the following: -
- The person in front of us does not understand the problem, so I am not telling.
- I want to be left alone.
We open up when we meet the people we trust. There is a caveat. The people we trust have to understand the issues we face.
That is the reason my cousin never told my uncle that her first menstrual cycle had arrived. She trusts her dad. She doesn’t trust him enough for this issue.
My uncle scratched his head for the entire day until he got briefed by my aunt.
It is the same reason I do not confide in my parents for business matters. They do not understand the nuances of them and the pressure that comes along with them. I open up more to my peers over beer, because of our mutual understanding.
And naturally, there is the expectation factor. That leads to the need to be alone.
Things get tricky when we know the exact points our counter-party is going to say. I would not confide business matters with my parents because they will tell me to look for a job.
If we can predict the answers given 100% accuracy, then the best thing to do is shut our trap if we do not want to hear them.
It applies to all scenarios in life.
Expectations govern willingness. And when we are an outlier in the things that we do, we might want to be left alone.
It Is Okay To Let People Be.
I am fascinated by people. Humans are social beings, but we do not have to hang out together all the time.
I choose to be alone when I feel a ton of bricks on my shoulders. I understand the need to let it out. I prefer to let it out in the wild. It beats creating an emotional hurricane at home.
That is because I see no point in bringing business tension home and taking them out on our loved ones. It annoys those around us. Plus, it solves no problems.
Yet, many people do it. I often wonder why. Is it not better to escape for a while and come home ready to embrace our family members?
I start to learn that different people make different choices.
Bouncing Back Is A Struggle.
How we cope with distress is highly individual. Our ability to bounce back is a struggle. By struggle, I mean we want to, and we try very hard to, with limited results.
I think there is only one reason for that. The struggle to bounce back involves confronting the people or issue that took us down in the first place.
If you have relatives who are good at badmouthing you to you and others — You know what I mean.
We learn to cope with all sorts of people. We have a choice with colleagues and bosses. I am not that certain about bloodline.
It is an uphill battle to bounce back when the closest ones take us down emotionally and spiritually. Recovery is punctured each time we meet, and we cannot avoid talking to them in the first place.
Maybe we should focus on ourselves for once because we only live once.
Plus. We cannot stop our closest ones from hurting us emotionally when we meet. We might have had multiple heart-to-heart talks, and nothing has changed.
So, on that point, I think our bounce back depends on our response. Not theirs. Avoidance is one solution. We do not have to protract our struggle for recovery.
In Parting: Taking The Hits And Clawing Back Up.
Do we have to take the hits in the first place?
Recovery takes time. And sometimes, battle scars remain. If it is unavoidable, sure. When that is true, then we have to understand that: -
- Letting it out is necessary. Being specific is an issue.
- Communication requires self-awareness.
- We can be in pain, and we choose to remain silent.
- It is okay to let people be.
- Bouncing back is a struggle.
What if getting into the sparring ring is avoidable? We have to walk away from it. That is because the entire process of taking hits and the struggle to recovery, takes time.
Avoid that, and we can funnel time to productive purposes.
At least, that is what I think.
Life.
Aldric
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About the Author:
As a content contributor, I write my observations from daily life and my business exposure.
Because our life experience is the bedrock of our unique perspectives.
As a Consultant by training, I believe in making the complex simple.
Because simplicity adds value.
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