LGBTQAI+
What Came First? The Spiderman or the Gay?
My egg-hidden inner gay trans-masc enby knew me well before I did
Were they the catalyst? Were they a sign? Were they just, fun? Well, why can’t it be all three? I love Marvel and DC comics. If I was forced to choose, it would be Marvel, but only because I must go where Spiderman and Thor are. I love superheroes. Today, no one will bat an eye at that statement no matter my gender (though they may still make assumptions about my favorites based on their perception of me), but it was different when I was a kid. As someone others perceived as ‘girl’, I was expected to like the female characters, but ‘not-really-be-all-that-into-superheros’. That never made sense to me. It still doesn’t, but at least now I can appreciate that I just enjoyed them. For me!
Written in response to Queerly Trans’ Quintessentials call out for superhero stories.
There are a few things many of us transgender peeps seem to have in common and one I’ve discovered over the years is a kinship for superheroes.
-> Disclaimer: In the following article, I use ‘the’ mother and ‘the’ sister with volition as a disassociation from past family toxicity.
The seventies, baby, yeah!
I was born in the ’70s. The ’80s encompassed my formative years and I was a teen into the early ’90s. By the mid-’90s, I was an ‘adult’ (apparently). Growing up in this era in Australia, I was very much in a family that was locked tightly into gender role expectations and I was never seen as anything more than ‘she’. I wasn’t offered the language or understanding to openly and safely explore self including gender and sexuality, let alone gender expression, genderfuckery, gender roles, etc. Even though I was the first one in my family to go to university (to do a ‘male-dominated’ geology degree, mind you), the mother once said something that I still find very telling:
“If you never have kids, that’s ok. I’ll still love you.”
Wait, was that even a fucking question? It’s hard to take that statement as unconditional love when it feels so much like a statement of resigned disappointment. Was my only reason for being, to give her grandchildren? Ok, I can see that thought taking me on a huge tangent, so let’s pull it back to superheroes while I still can.
The point is if my gender and sexuality weren’t inherently born with me, if it was nurture over nature, there is nothing to explain why I am an androsexual trans-masc non-binary person, nor my fascination with superheroes or my cartoon crushes. Back then, superheroes were such a boy-dominant concept, apparently. Every morning, the sister and I would watch cartoons. It kept us occupied but my adoration of superheroes, sci-fi, and action was a little less acceptable than the sister’s love of horses and dolls. Of course, as a kid, I didn’t know that, nor did I care. I just knew that it made me happy to watch them. As a kid, I didn’t know it meant anything at all. Now I think it was just me, being me.
Thor — God of Yes Please, Daddy!
One of my favorite superheroes is Thor. Always has been. I’m talking about the cartoon that was created in the 60s, way before Sir Hemsworth-the-Sexy. Here’s a little taste for those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about.
I was obsessed with Thor. I watched Iron-Man 2 at the cinema with a friend. We were Marvel devotees so even when most of the cinema emptied during the credits, we stayed. Waiting. And when I saw Thor’s hammer, I literally jumped out of my seat, grabbed my friend’s arm in a vice grip, and jumped up and down with pure excitement. Because Thor!
With Great Power Comes Great Buttcheeks
Then, there is Spiderman. I felt such a connection with Spiderman and I never really knew what it was. As I got older I figured it was the fact that he was so naive yet intelligent, and nerdy, yet likable. He seemed socially awkward but didn’t much care. Not really. And I liked that. Of course, now I know there are a few more layers. I mean, it makes sense now that I know Spiderman is the unofficial trans-masc lord and savior! Yes, I wanted to be him AND do him.
Initiate the Superhero Parade
The Wonder Twins are an interesting pair to look back on. Feel free to Google it.
“Wonder Twin poweres, activate! Form of… whatever the hell you want to be.”
And boy were they some interesting transformations. Also, seriously, you will never convince me that Zan and Jayna aren’t queer AF and gender ambivalent at best. Well, I guess that explains a lot. I mean Zan, really? Enby name much? Did little me, still safe in my egg, love their gender presentation or their ability to shapeshift? Both? How jealous was I? Maybe a smidge.
Then there was the Fantastic Four. Mister Fantastic and The Thing were my favs. I did have a fear of fire so Human Torch came in third. This is a great time to point out that I only ever ‘liked’ the ‘male’ characters. Before my egg cracked, I just assumed that was an attraction thing, even before I felt any form of attraction. Of course, I know better now.
He-Man, but not She-Ra. Batman and Robin but not Catwoman or Batgirl.
Robin was my first twink crush (thank you Burt Ward) and He-Man as Prince Adam was my first twunk crush. I just didn’t know that’s what they were. I wanted to BE them. I just didn’t know what that meant. Then again, I also had a ‘crush’ on Battle Cat.
Trans Love Scandal: Crush vs Gender Envy
Do I want to be with you, or do I want to be you
medium.com
By the Power of Grayskull… I Have the Power!
The theme I’m gathering from these examples is around transformation and self. These characters, people, aliens, animals, whatever, are thrust into situations that are not perceived as normal. Their journeys aren’t just about fighting villains; they’re about searching for their place in a world in which they don’t always feel they belong. Fighting FOR others (community and activism), fighting against the villains (oppressors, expectations, hate), fighting to know themselves (um, therapy? and community again).
Their journeys aren’t just about fighting villains; they’re about searching for their place in a world in which they don’t always feel they belong.
In the journey, they discover they are powerful (and I don’t just mean with their superhero powers), and that it’s OK to be completely themselves. They also discover that not everyone’s going to be happy with that and that’s OK too. That’s perfectly fine because those that matter, will be happy for them. And so, they learn to trust and to love others and themselves.
At least, that’s my perception, and when it comes to narratives and stories, I subscribe to Roland Barthes’ ‘Death of the Author’ ideology (external link). Of course, the shapeshifting theme is pretty apparent too.
Superheroes represent, life. Because that’s what it’s really about for me. It’s about finding that thing that makes me happy, that makes a difference without diminishing self. It’s about finding my whole authentic truth because I know that that absolute truth is a superpower in itself. I know that I am a fucking superhero. Maybe my power is words. That’s pretty cool. What’s your superhero power?