Welcome to Moustache Academy
Where our motto is “obsequio et conformitate”
Day one: a tepid welcome
“Welcome to Moustache Academy” proclaims the Headmistress, Madame Sollemnis, in a falsely cheerful tone.
It’s my first day and I already hate this place. First I missed the bus. Or more accurately, the bus missed me.
I was at the bus stop on time, but there were so many busses and students, the driver didn’t notice me and drove away without even checking. The supervising staff had to put me on different school bus coming out to Moustache Academy.
As if I hadn’t been nervous enough about my first day already.
So now I’m here and I wish I weren’t. This is one strange place.
All the kids shuffle along looking pale. Even their clothes are pale, everyone is wearing muted earth tones or various shades of grey.
I told you it’s weird. And kind of dull… Literally.
With no help from anyone I eventually find my locker and homeroom, and just make it to my seat before the first bell.
“Class, I would like you to meet our new student, Cato Morales. His family just moved to our little community and he will be studying here at Moustache Academy.”
The teacher, Madame Anatina, introduces me as I will myself to become invisible. My new classmates gaze at me impassively, seeming to dismiss me based on whatever it is they see (or don’t see).
I’m off to a great start. With that brief humiliation over, the teacher begins her lesson.
Lesson one: Don’t question authority
Madame Anatina begins our day with the most boring lesson I’ve ever heard. It’s not just that I already learned this stuff years ago. The way she repeats herself and talks down to us like we’re little kids makes it so much worse.
Not only that, she’s even getting some of this stuff wrong! I can’t take it anymore and raise my hand.
“Yes, Cato, you have a question?”
“Um, well… not exactly a question. You said Shakespeare’s Coriolanus is based on Greek mythology, but it’s not, it’s based on Roman mythology. The story of Coriolanus is based in Rome, not Greece.”
“Ahem. I realize you’re new here, Cato, but I think you know how schools work. I am the teacher and you are the student, not the other way around.”
“Yes, I do understand that, Madame Anatina. I just happened to read some Roman mythology books over the summer and only wanted to —”
“I guess I didn’t make myself clear. You will not disrupt class again unless you have a genuine question, is that understood?”
“I wasn’t trying —”
“Out! You can go see Headmistress Sollemnis and have her clarify your role in this school for you.”
I’m too stunned to say anything more and I can tell it won’t do any good. I awkwardly stuff my books into my backpack while the entire class watches, then make my way out the door with my head down.
I walk down the hall to Madame Sollemnis’ office in complete and utter disbelief. I don’t understand why the teacher got so angry! Why did she kick me out of class for pointing out a mistake? Would she rather everyone learn the wrong thing?
Exactly what kind of school is this?
Lesson two: obsequio et conformitate
“It is very disrespectful to argue with the teacher while she’s trying to teach the class,” Headmistress Sollemnis lectures. She is less than impressed with the brief and inglorious beginning to my academic career at Moustache Academy.
“I wasn’t trying to argue or be disrespectful! I was merely —”
“Mm-hmm and now you’re trying it with me young man. I promise you it will end poorly if you keep this up.”
I let out an exasperated breath, trying to rein in my rising temper.
There were some strict teachers at my old school, but getting kicked out within the first five minutes of class has got to be a new record. What kind of school doesn’t want its students to learn accurate information?
“You’re expected to write a one-page letter of apology to Madame Anatina, expressing your regrets for disrupting her class. You may work on it during the lunch hour, so be sure you hand it to her by the end of the day. And it better be good,” adds the Headmistress.
She returns to her computer and, just like that, I am unceremoniously dismissed. Trying to stand up for myself will only make matters worse. My head is swimming with confusion and I have so many questions.
Why on earth am I being punished for something so minor? What kind of school is this? And what kind of name is Moustache Academy, anyway?
I would learn the answer to those questions soon enough.
© Jillian Enright
Other chapters
Related articles
Ways to support my work
Read and share my articles from twoemb.medium.com
Become a paid subscriber to my Substack publication
You can leave a “tip” on Ko-Fi at https://Ko-Fi.com/NeurodiversityMB
Check out my online store at https://NeurodiversityMB.ca/shop