avatarSara Zadrima-Haeusgen

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ith you?! In the CAR? TO GO BYE-BYE? Where are we going? Is it the park? Is it the lake? Are we going swimming? Oh I hope we’re going swimming. Or are we going to climb a mountain? Or see some other dogs? Oh boy oh boy, let us in the car! I’ll drive if you want!</p><p id="ba13">Ok ok fine, you can drive. But let me make sure you know what you’re doing. I’ll just drape myself right in between you and Dad so I can keep a good watch. Margo, you take the crow’s nest (a free lap). Oh Dog, there are so many smells. And so many cars coming right at us! What’s that dark thing overhead? Is it going to hit me? Everyone duck!</p><p id="4b13">Wait. Why did we stop? Who is that in the car next to us? Are they going to hurt you? I’m going to yell at them. They should be afraid. Why are they following us? Let me at ’em!</p><p id="a22d">Wait. Are we going to the place with the bathtub and the scary wind machine? Or the place where they poke us with sharp objects, that smells like scared animals? We don’t like that place mom. Please take us to the lake. We want to swim!</p><p id="c8f4">Ok, you stay here while we go swimming. No, you’re not allowed to swim. It’s too dangerous and you could drown! You’re not strong enough. Your arms are too lanky and you always put your head under the water. You can’t breathe like that. Please just stay here and throw the ball. We’ll take care of the swimming part, okay? Don’t you leave this shore — don’t you do it — oh no. She’s doing it. We gotta go save her! Quick!</p><p id="29e4">Dog, I wish we had opposable thumbs.</p><p id="ef19">Wait. What was that loud booming noise? The world is exploding? We must run. We must run and hide or we will all die. Whatever that noise is, it is here to kill us. I will uncontrollably tremble until our inevitable death finally approaches. It’s been great knowing you all, but I must eat some trash and await my death in this comfortable crevice behind the couch. Margo, take care of mom because I have lost all control of my limbs.</p><p id="657a">This piece was written in response to <a href="undefined">Gary Chapin</a>’s prompt, <a href="https://readmedium.com/were-worried-bf6df3e12dfc"><b><i>We’re Worried</i></b></a><b><i>. </i></b>Thanks for the inspiration, Gary!</p><p id="4b61">Thank you to Gary, <a href="undefined">Andrew Rodwin</a>, and Editor Fairy <a href="undefined">Holly J See</a> for their editing skills :-)</p><p id="fd1b">Want more funny? Join the Medium Partner Program!</p><div id="2316" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@Sarzad/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Sara Zadrima</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div>

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    </div><figure id="f1de"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*Hf1syBcHdAb-6SIm.png"><figcaption>Art by <a href="undefined">David Todd McCarty</a></figcaption></figure></article></body>

What me worry?

We Are Your Dogs and We Are Worried

These are NOT the dog days

Image by Author

Mom, you always look at us and say “it’s so hard being Sulley and Margo,” and you laugh, but we don’t know what you’re laughing about. It’s true. Being us is hard work.

We have a lot on our plates, and not enough in our bowls.

There is so much to worry about. When you walk out the door every morning, how the heck are we supposed to know when you’re coming home? You say “be right back” but we don’t know what that means nor do we have a concept of “time”, whatever that is. How many “be right backs” do I need to repeat in my head until you actually come back?

I barely have a sense of object permanence, and you expect me to understand relativity?!

How will we know when to panic? We might as well panic all day, just to cover our bases. Also, I ate a lot of tissues while you were gone. And I might’ve also swallowed a sock and part of your shoe. I’m sorry, but I didn’t think you were coming back. I didn’t think at all. I’m a dog!

While we’re on the subject of worrying, we’re extremely worried about the cat. Why is he always on the other side of the window, where we can’t reach him? We just want to say hi and maybe step on him but he’s over there and we are over here so you should probably do something about that.

Oh look, there you go, walking out the door again. You said “I just forgot something in the car, I’ll be right back!” but please, help us. We don’t know what that means. How many “right backs” have we been alive for? Can you convert that to dog years or something? Regardless, we shall stand at the window and cry until you return.

You’re back! Thank Dog! We were so worried you would leave us forever.

We’re going for a WALK? A WALK!? WE LOVE TO WALK! One of us will protect you from all the scary things outside and the other will make sure to mark everything as our territory so all the other people know it’s ours and we got there first.

Wait. Why is there a bag by the door? Are you going away forever? Where are you going? Are you going to come back? Oh, you’re never going to come back. You’re going to leave us here, aren’t you? You will just forget about us and find a new family, won’t you? Why are you doing this to us? Please stay. Please don’t leave! Please take us with you! Hmm…we’ll just take a small keepsake out of your bag to remember you by.

Oh, what’s that?

“you’re coming too”? What does that mea- OH MY DOG! SHE GOT THE HARNESSES OUT! WE’RE GOING BYE-BYE, BABY!

You’re bringing us with you?! In the CAR? TO GO BYE-BYE? Where are we going? Is it the park? Is it the lake? Are we going swimming? Oh I hope we’re going swimming. Or are we going to climb a mountain? Or see some other dogs? Oh boy oh boy, let us in the car! I’ll drive if you want!

Ok ok fine, you can drive. But let me make sure you know what you’re doing. I’ll just drape myself right in between you and Dad so I can keep a good watch. Margo, you take the crow’s nest (a free lap). Oh Dog, there are so many smells. And so many cars coming right at us! What’s that dark thing overhead? Is it going to hit me? Everyone duck!

Wait. Why did we stop? Who is that in the car next to us? Are they going to hurt you? I’m going to yell at them. They should be afraid. Why are they following us? Let me at ’em!

Wait. Are we going to the place with the bathtub and the scary wind machine? Or the place where they poke us with sharp objects, that smells like scared animals? We don’t like that place mom. Please take us to the lake. We want to swim!

Ok, you stay here while we go swimming. No, you’re not allowed to swim. It’s too dangerous and you could drown! You’re not strong enough. Your arms are too lanky and you always put your head under the water. You can’t breathe like that. Please just stay here and throw the ball. We’ll take care of the swimming part, okay? Don’t you leave this shore — don’t you do it — oh no. She’s doing it. We gotta go save her! Quick!

Dog, I wish we had opposable thumbs.

Wait. What was that loud booming noise? The world is exploding? We must run. We must run and hide or we will all die. Whatever that noise is, it is here to kill us. I will uncontrollably tremble until our inevitable death finally approaches. It’s been great knowing you all, but I must eat some trash and await my death in this comfortable crevice behind the couch. Margo, take care of mom because I have lost all control of my limbs.

This piece was written in response to Gary Chapin’s prompt, We’re Worried. Thanks for the inspiration, Gary!

Thank you to Gary, Andrew Rodwin, and Editor Fairy Holly J See for their editing skills :-)

Want more funny? Join the Medium Partner Program!

Want more Sara Zadrima? Check these out:

If you want to be the first to read my new stories, subscribe to my email list here:

Art by David Todd McCarty
Dogs
Comedy
Muddyumprompt
Humor
Pets
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