The OG Witch Bitch

Strega Nona Is A Badass Bitch

An Italian-American’s praise for the Witch Grandma

You probably recall this Tomie dePaola classic in which Strega Nona leaves Big Anthony to tend to her garden, sweep the house and feed and milk the goat, only to return just in time to save the entire town from drowning in spaghetti. As an Italian-American woman I am blessed to have had her as a role model growing up. Her titular book is a childhood staple, but if you have not read it I implore you to drop everything and find a copy right now.

All the people in Strega Nona’s little town definitely praise and appreciate her for all that she does, but she does not get the level of international clout she deserves from us all! That’s why I’m here to remind you all how much of a little baddie our titular character really is.

First of all, her name is literally “Witch Grandma”.

It is not just what people call her. I have the receipts, as I have freshly re-read this graphic novel for the purposes of relaying evidence of her badassery to you all. When she leaves town and entrusts Big Anthony with her little cottage, she goes on a trip to go visit her friend in the mountains — Strega Amelia. Which you can tell by the naming convention we’ve already translated would mean “Witch Amelia”.

So, Strega Nona came out of the womb and her mom was like, “this baby is so cool, she gives me magical and loving vibes, I’m gonna name her Witch Grandma”.

This absolute icon was recognized for her skill the instant she came into existence!

She is also a town hero, but not just for stopping her pasta pot from flooding the town. Clearly, Witch Grandma has got some powerful magic up her sleeves and it didn’t start and end at pasta. It was put to use way before this Big Anthony debacle and will continue to be used after it.

All the townspeople go to her with their troubles and ailments. Even the PRIEST is name dropped in the intro for going to her to cure his maladies. Now, if you recall anything about any old witches tale, Organized Religions and Witches are basically one another’s antitheses. Priests conflated Witches with the devil and often demanded they be burnt at the stakes or thrown into a river to drown.

This dude literally betrayed his God for the magic Strega Nona had up her sleeves. That is some divine shit.

So let’s talk about how our girlie was not only serving up an abundance of magic pasta in the kitchen, but she was the town doctor and matchmaker, too. This bitch could get women husbands just by making them love potions. She could cure a headache with water, oil, and a hairpin but I can’t even cure mine with Excedrin migraine. She is a magical queen!

Just take a moment to consider everything this woman has contributed to society — unlimited food sources, free healthcare, and love. She’s an unstoppable force of kindness and utopia.

Now for the meat and potatoes — or should I say pasta — of it all. The story’s plot is centered around the pasta pot, and how Strega Nona specifically told Big Anthony at least twice not to touch it. She knew he did not have even a fraction of the magic ability, control, or prowess needed to correctly perform her pasta spell and would simply fuck everything up. But she graciously trusts him with her house and all of her possessions and livelihood anyway.

The deviant asshole does it, though. He touches the pot and fucks everything up because he bragged about the pasta pot around town and nobody believed him.

He could’ve kept this cool magical secret between himself and Strega Nona and simply continued working for this badass bitch who makes him magical pasta and gave him a bed to sleep in. But no, he has to go exploit her and attempt to mimic her innate abilities.

So of course he royally screws it up for everyone!

Big Anthony thinks that simply repeating the words to the pasta spell — a SONG that Strega Nona herself sings to the pasta pot — would get him enough pasta to brag to the town and get out of there before Strega Nona came back from her mountain witch excursion.

But this little fucker doesn’t know that the song to stop the pot only works if Strega Nona blows it 3 kisses at the end.

3 kisses! What a MOVE! What a SPELL! What an absolutely iconic way to perform magic! Not only can she cast spells, she can write them, AS SONGS, and even adds choreography to it all!

Look at this iconic kiss! Such finesse. The pure levels of power she has are unmatchable.

Can you believe Big Anthony has the gall to even attempt this skill? Just imagine Strega Nona coming back from her visit with Strega Amelia to find her town square covered in mountainous heaps of threatening pasta. I’d lose my chill but I am not nearly as calm, cool, and collected as this heroic woman.

She comes back in the nick of time, right before Big Anthony’s mistake kills the entire population of their town by drowning them in spaghetti.

I don’t think drowning in delicious pasta sounds like a bad way to go if you’ve gotta go, but these people definitely are not trying to die today. They just want to eat some pasta from a magic pot and go home.

Thankfully for Big Anthony, Strega Nona gracefully descends from the mountains into the town square, immediately knows what is happening, and blows her 3 kisses to stop her pasta pot from nearly committing genocide at the hands of Big Anthony.

This little old lady in her bonnet and apron, carrying her walking stick, comes back, looks around and within seconds has saved the entire town from impending doom. Are you not absolutely speechless at this point?

If you’re not, I’ll let it slide because we haven’t addressed possibly the most iconic thing of all — her punishment for Big Anthony. She doesn’t fire him. She doesn’t let the townspeople hang him or burn him at the stake. She is a peaceful and calm woman and she knows more about this universe than any of us ever will. Let’s not forget the Grandma vibes she has given since birth.

You know what she does? She hands him a fork and tells him to eat it all, and quickly, because she wants to sleep in her bed tonight.

What a fucking badass.

Stopping a murderous pasta pot from overtaking a city at the hands of an incompetent man, then punishing him by making him clean up the mess he made, all while teaching him a lesson about morality and responsibility is no simple feat. Yet Strega Nona does it in 3 simple motions.

3 kisses blown, to be exact.