Transparency In Relationships
— Are you hiding something?
Thank you Diana C. for this week’s theme, “emergence & growth.” I like the word emergence as wisdom and insight can only emerge over time.
We should learn from our painful experiences. If we don’t, then what’s the purpose of them?
Good experiences are growthful too as they tap into our potential for endless creativity and joy.
We are meant to mature — to grow into our true selves. We emerge by shedding all that’s old and becoming like little children.
When we return to innocence, only then can we begin to enjoy loving again.
Friday’s prompt→ how to reclaim transparent relationing (honest, intentional communication.
It’s not easy to have honest, intentional communication if one party withholds the truth. Many people have secrets they don’t wish to reveal.
They try to hide them, but the relationship can’t develop as intimacy demands honesty and vulnerability.
What if people feel guilty about their past?
A lot of people have past regrets that haunt them, but we have to find peace with our past if we want good, healthy relationships.
We need to deal with our past wounds so we are free to enjoy our present relationships.
What are the options?
If you believe in God, you can confess it and ask for forgiveness. Then forget about it, for God does not remember our past offenses once we’ve confessed them.
Secondly, forgive yourself. This is a big problem for many people. God forgives them, their loved ones accept them, but they can’t forgive themselves.
This is partly due to the fact that they have not learned to love and accept themselves properly.
And thirdly, if you want to have closer relationships, you will have to become more transparent.
Share your secrets, and if it’s too difficult, then tell the person that you have a trauma that you don’t feel ready to share.
You don’t have to share the details of the trauma, but tell the person something about it.
You could tell them how it might make you react in a relationship.
For example, if someone grew up in a home where they were criticized a lot, they could be highly sensitive to criticism.
In this case, you would know to be careful not to say things that sound critical. It’s just about being sensitive to one another’s fragility.
Some people are not able for emotional intimacy
Not everyone can do this because they may have built their life on a lie and because they haven’t dealt with their childhood wounds, they carry the pain deep within their soul.
They may not be aware of it until it shows up as an overreaction or outburst.
Starting afresh is tough work and many are not willing or able to do it. Instead, they try to have relationships where everything uncomfortable is swept under the carpet.
The problem with this is that they can only live on a superficial level.
They don’t get to experience the joy of deeper, richer encounters which leaves them feeling frustrated, dissatisfied, and unfulfilled.
How can we have transparent relationships?
The best way to have transparent relationships is to be open about areas in your life that are difficult or were difficult in the past.
You don’t have to dwell on them or be heavy in your relationships, but it’s good to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is risky, but it’s attractive too.
I don’t mean to go out on a first date and dump all your emotional baggage on your date, saying, “This is me, love me warts and all.” That might be a little too much, too soon.
What I mean is getting to know the person well through listening and responding sensitively. All good relationships are built on trust so we must be willing to put the time and effort in to build that trust.
If the other person is not engaging with you on this level, then maybe they are not able for a deeper relationship.
In this case, you will have to decide if that’s okay for you. We can’t force people to grow up emotionally. It’s our responsibility to find people who meet our needs.
If you are in a long-term relationship or you are trying to keep old friendships alive, then you will have to be patient, but don’t be afraid to tell them that you would like the relationship to go a bit deeper and then give suggestions.
If you don’t tell people what you want, then don’t be surprised if nothing changes. Surely you don’t expect them to read your mind, do you?
Final thought —
Transparency in relationships is only for the few, simply because most people are not emotionally mature enough.
If you want to have honest, intentional communication, you first have to decide who you want to be and then find others who also want to live that way.
Scripture Verse:
“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
