Toxic Relationships — Narcissist or Sociopath?

The two signs that differentiate a narcissistic from an anti-social personality disorder.

Before you’re in a toxic relationship, you assume it's simply two people that clash. Even when you’re in it, you stay, convinced it's probably you, they keep telling you it is, and of course, they do change, after every unforgivable act.

Research suggests that narcissistic (NPD) and anti-social (ASPD) personality disorders are so similar in their impulsiveness and exploitation of others that they may actually be a spectrum of one disorder. This indicates how difficult it is to distinguish personality disorders, particularly when you include potential physiological or neurological causes.

Those two similarities, impulsiveness and exploitation, contribute to toxic relationships and the tendency for the demonization of cluster B personality disorders.

In time, you learn to find a healthy balance between feeling compassion for the disorder and making sure you never EVER in a million years date, befriend, work with, side with, or stand next to, another narcissist/sociopath for the rest of your life and any afterlives. It’s not that easy, but one can hope.

The narcissist and sociopath (now called anti-social) are more likely to be male, they also share an excessive lack of empathy or remorse, the ability to charm those around them (who don’t really know them), grooming, controlling, manipulative tactics (lying, blaming, gaslighting), frequent lifestyle changes (job, relationship, home), and a suspicion of others because they themselves mistreat others for their own needs.

Two Signs that distinguish a Narcissist from a Sociopath.

1. Intent to Harm.

Narcissistic self-interest causes harm, whereas a sociopath seeks to harm. Although the harm narcissists cause is intentional, in that they intend to bolster their esteem by harming the esteem of narcissistic supply, their primary intention is to gain admiration. A sociopath’s primary intention is to get high on harming others.

While narcissists have an excessive need for admiration, sociopaths do not. Narcissists are envious of others, sociopaths don’t think of others except for their use for self-gratification. The narcissistic ego requires constant external validation whereas the anti-social ego is stroked by their own deceitful achievements.

Therefore, the narcissist behaves entitled and arrogant and the sociopath behaves aggressively and impulsively, though can appear humble to hide malicious intent. Narcissists may become erratic and aggressive in conflict, but a sociopath, not hiding behind their false image, is erratic and aggressive.

Both use false apologies to keep the supply in check, except a narcissist will be more flippant and vague, still finding ways of laying the blame; sociopaths will go out of their way with false apologies, so the next time they make the same mistake, the harm is even more damaging.

While a narcissist will rarely apologize, a sociopath will gladly apologize and even denigrate themselves to continue to pursue their end goal. Sociopaths enjoy going over the pain they caused while apologizing to watch the victim relive the hurt while a narcissist would prefer to get back to themselves.

2. History & Lifestyle

A narcissist can be seen rubbing noses with celebrities and politicians and many, not all, are high achievers in whatever profession they choose. A sociopath, on the other hand, can often be seen homeless, jobless, and directionless. A narcissist’s frequent job changes and a sociopath's inheritance can reverse the odds.

A person diagnosed with ASPD must have a childhood history of conduct disorder, though the validity of this for adults is in question. ASPD is the only personality disorder that includes a history of childhood misconduct in diagnosis. A narcissist may have a history of misconduct in childhood, though it is not necessary for diagnosis.

All cluster B personality disorders are eight times more likely to end up in prison than people with cluster A or C personality disorders.

People who are diagnosed with ASPD, in particular, have a history of frequent teenage delinquency, criminal activity, domestic violence, and substance abuse.

It has been suggested that NPD does not improve with age and may even worsen while ASPD symptoms are likely to reduce with age.

It’s interesting to note, one study found that women with ASPD are less aggressive than their male counterparts. In the same study, women with ASPD were often victims of abuse and were not provided with the higher level of support that male ASPD’s receive.

You might also be interested in comparisons between the other Cluster B disorders, you can find this here:

and here:

Extreme personality traits consistently place extra stress on people with the disorder and those around them. People with narcissistic and anti-social personality disorders often go unchecked until significant, possibly legal, pressure forces them to seek professional help.

Though both are associated with poor uptake and treatment response, NPD and ASPD treatment include short-term psychodynamic psychotherapy and cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) along with pharmaceutical treatments for any comorbid disorders such as depression and anxiety. Suggestions have been made that people with ASPD may benefit from rehabilitation through the criminal system.

Little research is available on the best therapy for people who are close to a person with a Cluster B disorder, though narcissist abuse is known to cause PTSD or CPTSD in their children and partners so seeking help for these conditions can support sufferers.

Those who are not yet suffering from any major effects should find it useful to look up information on how to deal with their tactics to avoid such effects.

See the links below as highlighted above for further information.

Best of luck on your journey:)

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