It’s time to start lying to yourself

You are worthy and you are lovable. If you don’t believe that, then it’s time to start lying to yourself.

by: E.B. Johnson

You may have read a lot of self-help articles that press the importance of loving yourself (including here on LV Development), but that means little if you’re lost in a cloud of self-loathing. How do you get to the top when you’ve spent most of your life at the bottom mentally and emotionally? Like it or not, you’ve got to fake it until you make it. And that includes lying to yourself until you realize just how powerful, worthy, and loved you really are.

When self-loathing becomes a pastime.

Has self-loathing become your primary personal pastime? Is your inner voice a horrible, self-critical monster who rips you apart every chance it gets? When that’s the case we need to find , but that’s hard to do when you don’t know what it’s like to feel good about yourself or the life you’ve built. How do you believe you can have it all when you’ve never had what you needed?

It’s time to start lying to yourself. You don’t believe you’re worth anything. You may think you’re stupid, unqualified, or otherwise undeserving of the things you crave most. Leaping into healing activities won’t work until you open up to them and believe you are worthy of change and deserving of happiness.

At some point, you’re going to have to take action if you want your life to be better. You have to believe in your ability to make those changes, and you have to believe in your right to lead a life that is of high quality and high stability. It’s time for you to shut the door on self-loathing and embrace a new path of self-love. To do that, though, you’re going to have to lie to yourself and fake it until you fully make it.

The lies you need to start telling yourself immediately.

If you hate yourself or you are overly critical, then you aren’t going to be able to launch a journey to healing without first learning how to love yourself and your worth. You’ve got to lie to yourself until those lies become truth. They’re only lies now, after all, because you’ve allowed yourself to stop believing in who you are and your natural rights as a compassionate human being.

“I am strong and capable.”

Do you view yourself as someone who is weak, or unable to achieve great things? Until you start to believe that you’re capable of the things you put your heart into, you’ll struggle to achieve anything. Tell yourself every day that you are strong and capable — even when you don’t believe it.

“I am worthy of love.”

So many of us settle for subpar relationships because we don’t think we’re worthy of equitable, fulfilling love. You need to know what you’re worth so that you can attract a partner who values you. Selling yourself to short with people who take advantage will only set you back and leave you miserable.

“I know who I am.”

We are living in chaotic times, and it’s easy to feel as though we’ve gotten lost or separated from who we are. Unfortunately, we have to know who we are in order to figure out what we want in life (and in our relationships). Stop wandering in the dark. Look in the mirror each day and remind yourself that you know who you are and that you matter.

“I never sell myself short.”

Selling ourselves short comes from a place of insecurity. Do you want to stop settling for dead-end jobs and dead-end relationships? Do you want to improve the quality of your life? Believe that you’re worthy and hold strong boundaries for yourself. Fake it until you make it and it will come true.

“I get what I want.”

People who chase the happiness of others end up unfulfilled and lost when the variables (other people) are removed. You need to get what you want, but you have to pursue those things consciously and determinedly. Become a person that gets what they want. To do that, you have to stand up and take what you want, even if that feels uncomfortable.

“I am happy and fulfilled.”

We are all searching for happiness and fulfillment in this life; it’s our ultimate goal. When we are down in the bottom of darkness, though, it can be hard to remember what that feeling is. You have to remind your brain that happiness is all around you manually and intentionally. Tell yourself that you are happy and fulfilled and your mind will start to look for those things and the experiences which can provide them.

What happens next.

Lying isn’t going to be enough to get your mental and emotional health on track. If you want to improve or rebuild, then you need to take action and start actively in line with your right to thrive and to create abundance and love.

1. Re-build your self-esteem

Waking up from a toxic life isn’t easy, but it is necessary. We have to see who we are, or we’ll stay stuck forever in a cycle that leaves us miserable and broken. It’s time to wake up and find the courage to stand up for joy, but that requires first building a solid sense of self from which we can launch a defense of our future. Re-building your self-esteem is absolutely necessary in order to thrive.

Separate yourself from your relationship and learn to love who you are inside and out. Your body is beautiful. Your soul is whole. You have so many skills that can bring the world (and the people around you) light. Identify those things. Embrace them. And start celebrating yourself.

Fall in love with yourself. Learn how to love who you are and celebrate the gifts you possess. Look in the mirror every morning and name 3 physical characteristics you love. Each night, write down 3 things that you do well. As you fall for your strengths, learn how to embrace your weaknesses too. You are worthy and deserving of happiness, but it will continue to elude you until you embrace this truth.

2. Figure out what you want

When you begin to believe in yourself, you’ll find that the doors of opportunity will open to you. This is because you will realize more and more what’s important to you, and what you want from life and love. Once you figure out what you want, you can form a plan of action that works and go after a life that provides you with both meaning and connection.

As your courage and self-respect grows, step back and spend some time on your own really considering what you want from your life and your future. Consider the full scope. What do you want from your career? Your family? Your intimate relationships?

It’s imperative that you’re brutally honest with yourself at this point. Don’t shy away from the truth just because it disagrees with society or someone around you. The more often you allow yourself to be authentic, the more your courage will grow. As you become move brave, you will step fully into who you are and the person you were always meant to be.

3. Invest in better social circles

Like it or not, we are social creatures who are very much tainted by the people we surround ourselves with. When you invest in people who try to keep you small, you’ll stay stuck and never reach your full potential. When you surround yourself with people who love you and want the best, though, the opposite tends to happen.

Invest in better social circles and spend your time and energy on people who want nothing from you but love. You don’t need those who dismiss you, or people who detract from your character and your sense of self-worth.

Build space between yourself and toxic people, and open up to those who push you to become something better than you were. Look for people who build you up instead of tearing you down, and look for those who see you and value you for the person you authentically are inside. When we elevate the quality of social circles, we elevate the quality of our life.

4. Exercise your self-worth

We get stuck in self-hatred and self-loathing because we forget how worthy we really are. Self-worth plays a crucial role in happiness. When you don’t think you’re deserving of love and joy, you pursue things that bring you misery and disaster. Building up a future that’s fulfilling requires that we know just how valuable and deserving we are.

Embrace yourself and everything that you are. What makes you really happy in this life? It’s time to set walls around those things by setting limits and boundaries that communicate your worth to the world.

Our boundaries communicate who we are to the world and what we will and will not tolerate from it (or those in it). You have a right to protect yourself. Having limits shows that you know who you are and you value your happiness. Exercise your self worth by establishing boundaries that let the world know you’re in charge of your future.

5. Be authentic every single day

There can be no true and lasting happiness without authenticity. Inauthentic relationships aren’t happy, and inauthentic lives aren’t happy either. If you want to build something which makes you feel proud and fulfilled, you have to make the choice to live authentically every single day.

You’ve got to be brave enough to live in your truth. You have to be strong enough to surround yourself only with the right people, and only with the right opportunities. Stop wasting your time on other people’s happiness.

The longer you live authentically as who you are (and see that the world doesn’t end or turn against you) the easier it becomes to build courage and live in that truth. More and more you’ll see the right doors opening and the right people walking through the door. Stop believing you’re worthless. It’s time to embrace the “lie” that you’re everything you need and more.

Putting it all together…

When you hate who you are, it’s hard to improve your life or imagine a better future that brings happiness and fulfillment. When you’re at the bottom of the barrel, you sometimes need to tell yourself some lies to get back to the top. Instead of investing in the self-destructive narratives, you have to invest in some hard-to-swallow truths until you believe them. Then you can take action to transform your life.

Rebuild your self-esteem and spend some time figuring out what you really want from life and your future. We lose faith in ourselves because we never take the time to nurture ourselves, or get to know who we really are. Fall in love with yourself and invest in social circles that are filled with people who truly love you for who you are too. Exercise your self-worth and do it first by establishing boundaries that protect your wellbeing and your happiness. Beyond all else, ensure that you’re being authentic each and every day. Until you start being who you are, you will never be able to realize the depth of your abilities and your strengths. Don’t love yourself yet? That’s fine. Fake it until you make it and let the self-boosting lies begin.