Three Minutes I’ll Never Get Back
Yep. Here comes a rant.
Since Medium changed the playing field, I’ve been trying very hard to toe the line and spend more time reading entire stories. It’s hard, people. The more writers that clamor onto this platform, the less quality I’m seeing.
No surprise. I’ve written about this before and the last thing I want is to bore you. That said, I’m pissed off because I just spent three minutes of my life that I’ll never get back reading utter shite.
The overflowing trash can of “how-to” Medium stories generally suck. People are writing the same useless garbage over and over again. Depending upon the headline, sometimes I’m drawn in, other times I figure “screw it.”
This morning, while enjoying my coffee and scrolling through the latest and alleged greatest, I wasn’t drawn in, I was sucked in, by a writer who actually had a headline that made me think he had something of value to say.
I won’t be too specific about the content as I’m not into public shaming. Let’s just say it had something to do with what we can do about stories that don’t get the attention they deserve.
My initial reaction was: “Hell, yeah. I get this.” Most of my stories don’t get the attention they deserve and yeah, I’m open about it as I realize I’m not alone. I know what I’m capable of and so should you. But for some reason, the Medium Masters are happy to let me fly under the radar. If only I could sit down and have a cocktail with one of these demigods, I’m sure I could charm the hell out of him or her.
Because I’m charming, people! I am! And like Sally Field said, I know that some of you really, really like me!
Deep breath. Okay, so I started reading and the opening was…meh. So far, nothing new. But I kept on reading. I’m a team player, after all! We’re all about supporting each other here, right?
And then, it was over. Like a premature ejaculation. I stupidly read the story again, thinking I missed something. The nugget. The money shot. I even had a tissue handy.
Unfortunately, I missed nothing. Here was the brilliant and insightful takeaway from this piece: To “keep writing.”
That’s right: Keep. Writing. Are you kidding me right now? Is this the type of twaddle (look it up) you think is relevant to someone who has been writing for thirty years?
This little squirt will probably get a shit-ton of claps because that’s the way things work. Not just here, but in life, itself. The shit is unfair and I suppose all we can do is suck it up like this guy sucked up three minutes of my life.
Three minutes may not seem like a lot, but think about it: You could start a load of laundry in three minutes, make toast, dance your ass off to a great jam, floss your teeth, pick your nose, nuke a Hot Pocket…there are all manner of things.
As I think about it, the story may have been longer. Even worse.
Writers like the one I’m talking about should include a disclaimer in their stories: “Nothing new here. Move along.” If only.
And why is it that, with the exception of writers like Shaunta Grimes, (and there are, admittedly, several others) that much of this brain dumpage comes from people who obviously haven’t been writing that long? What’s up with this?
I have no problem checking out advice stories from the vets, like Shaunta, who’ve been in the trenches and know whereof they speak, but these other punks need to get a clue. First, they need to learn how to write. Signing up for a Medium account doesn’t automatically make you a “writer.”
Did you see that? Here, I made it bigger. Learn how to write.
That’s a great start. And then, your goal should be to write something people actually want to read…to craft content that educates, engages and inspires. Or at the very least, that gives readers a laugh.
Oh, I laughed at the story in question. But I’m certain that wasn’t the intended outcome. Wetting ourselves with gratitude is probably more like it.
I’m going to reclaim that three minutes. Or four or five or whatever the hell it actually was, by not reading any more stories with clickbait headlines and about as much substance as a fart in the wind.
If you took the time to read this all the way through, know that I like you. I really, really like you.
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.
I really do appreciate your reading. Here are more of my ramblings:
