Give Me a Reason to Stay
Note: I’m not holding my breath.

I’m not by nature a “needy” individual, but I’m beginning to wonder what the hell I’m doing with you. Why I’m spending so much time on you. Quality time. Time that could be devoted to previous commitments that I’ve let fall by the wayside since our meeting.
As quickly as it flies by, even so, a year is a long time to follow a dangling carrot. Carrots don’t last forever, after all. They rot like everything else.
You are extremely popular. Charismatic. There is no denying that. You’ve made a name for yourself and people are drawn to you like a badger to a beehive. They believe that, if they conform to your standards, their dreams will come true. (Validation! Hell, yeah!) They’ll finally get their due. Their “fifteen minutes.” But we know what fifteen minutes is worth in this life, don’t we?
Many of these individuals, let’s call them your “minions,” can’t see the forest for the trees. They spew all manner of “advice,” crap, really, about how I can get you to love me…want me…give me what I need.
Some of this advice, I’ve taken and look where it’s gotten me. As for the rest…
So, because I’ve taken the road less traveled, because I haven’t slavishly accommodated your every need, I’m still waiting for you to notice I’m alive No. I need you to notice because I deserve it. I earned it, damn it.
Your continued slights have become toxic to me. They’ve resulted in my becoming tired and fretful. And very, very cranky. Perhaps you’re getting a taste of that right now. That said, you can take it as well as you can dish it ou. You’re tough. One of the toughest nuts I’ve ever tried to crack. And I’ve cracked my way through a few.

I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about those other paramours. The ones who apparently deserve your love and respect more than I do. Somehow, they’ve managed to crack your code. Get under your skin. And in return, you’ve gifted them. Quite generously, too. “Bravo,” I say to these winners. “What’s your secret?”
Those aforementioned sages who enthusiastically offer up advice with both hands claim to know your secrets. Secrets are seductive, are they not? Maybe that’s the key to your popularity. What you refuse to disclose, somehow makes you more appealing. And why not? Playing “hard to get” is a tactic that has worked since time immemorial.
What would happen if I did the same? Played hard to get? Or even, got the fuck out? Would you care? Be sorry? Would you miss me?
Naturally, the only way I would know the answer to that one — would be to leave. To just disappear and call it a day.
You wouldn’t give a damn.
That’s why I’m going to get pissy now and talk about yet another segment of your fan club: The wannabes who clamor for your attention the way an acne-ridden teenage boy yearns for the girl of his dreams — the head cheerleader. The one that laughs about him with her friends. The girl with the perfect, tight little ass that affords her fans in the stands a peek every time she bends over. And she bends over a lot.

To be brutally honest, the wannabes aren’t ready for you. Aren’t nearly good enough for you. Yet you stroke them. You coddle and cajole them. The way an annoying grownup appeases an obnoxiously precocious child. The kind you want to slap silly. The grownup, I mean.
What do you see in them? Can you even articulate this? Do you hunger for virgins, is that it?
Virgins don’t know jack. They’re boring, with their tremulous declarations of love and loyalty — especially after you’ve made them “come” for the first time. After that, they’re insatiable. And they’ll do whatever it takes to come again and again and again.
Maybe that’s your issue with me: I don’t rub you the right way. No. That can’t be it. I know what I’m doing. I have that certainty at least.
Could it be — have I given you the impression — that I don’t want it? That I don’t want you?
But I do. At least for now.
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.
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