This Is How the Best Bosses Remain Calm Under Pressure

The dichotomy of reactive vs. responsive leadership.

I am a highly-driven, albeit anxious, person. My drive for achievement is inextricably tied to a demanding impatience and, at any given time, I’m probably worried about something. We take the good with the bad, right?

Now, imagine that I’m your boss at a time when the stakes are high and the pressure is on. Perhaps there's an important new product launch date that you’re at risk of missing or a major mistake you made that you don’t know how to fix.

How are you feeling? Stressed? Anxious? Worried? Same.

When you bring your stress and worry to me for help and guidance, I have two choices in how I handle it — I can pile my own anxiety on top of yours, or I can remain calm in the face of an even greater level of stress than I felt before you walked into my office.

I can be reactive or responsive.

I’ve experienced both approaches, and here’s what I’ve found to be true.

Reactive leadership

Reactive leaders fail to take the time to calmly digest the problem presented to them and, instead, jump straight into fight-or-flight mode.

I’ve worked alongside plenty of high-strung leaders over the years, but one particular encounter stands out from the rest. Probably because she was the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) at the time and it was so jarring to see someone at that level openly react with such doom and gloom.

“Rome is burning,” she said.

And she was referring to the company’s viability. Yikes.

How do you think I felt walking away from this conversation? Do you think I felt better than when I had gone into it? No. Do you think I felt like we were a team and could tackle anything the day threw at us? No.

Do you think I felt compelled to start applying for other jobs? Absolutely.

It was at this moment that I realized how unproductive this kind of energy was coming from a leader, and how critical it was for my own development that I learn to refrain from reacting to stress for the sake of my own team. Because, in that CFO, I saw elements of myself and I didn’t like it.

Chaos begets chaos. If your team comes to you in their moment of need and you pile your anxiety on top of theirs, then no one wins. Fanning the flames of uncertainty is not the role of a leader.

Most of us can do that just fine on our own. I know I can.

We come to you for leadership. And, if you can’t remain composed enough to lead us through the tough times, well — then I’d argue your value as a leader is null. Anyone can react, but not everyone can respond.

Now, I’m not implying you shouldn’t hold team members accountable for fixing their mistakes or driving towards excellence. But mistakes and missteps will happen and you need to be able to lead through them. The problem will be solved one way or another, but how you approach the process of getting to that solution will leave a lasting impact on how your team member feels about you as a leader.

Responsive leadership

In contrast, I worked for an incredible boss who was never impatient or rattled. No matter what I threw at her, I never once saw her get worked up over it. She projected calm confidence in every situation, good or bad.

She was a responsive leader in the way she thoughtfully and intentionally adapted her behavior to the circumstance at hand.

I have to admit, when I first started working for her, this was startling to me. At first, my untrained eye mistook her demeanor as apathy, but it wasn’t. It was just the first time I had experienced responsive leadership.

Suddenly, that little voice in my head that beat myself up over every little mistake was no longer being amplified by a boss. It was being quieted. That unproductive anxious energy was being re-purposed into action through her coaching on problem-solving and critical thinking.

So, the question is — how did she do it? And, more importantly, how can you do it?

In one word, the answer is ‘perspective.’ Perspective is everything in life because, only when you put things into perspective, can you appropriately match your response to the problem at hand.

I work in talent management so, let’s face it — nothing I do is a matter of life and death. I’m not a brain surgeon, and I don’t hold the cure to cancer.

But sometimes we get so caught up in the narrow scope of our job and our company and the politics of it all that we tend to over-inflate the importance of the task at hand and it feels like life and death.

My boss realized the difference, and she responded to problems rather than reacting to problems. She knew that she wouldn’t help us become better problem-solvers by stressing out or catastrophizing.

Remember “Rome is burning?” I thought so.

If you’ve done your job as a leader, then you have hired competent people and you’ve gotten out of their way to let them do their jobs. So, when they do come to you, it’s because they really do need your leadership. You have something to offer that they don't — you have perspective.

Your perspective, earned through years of experience or a unique skill set, is what qualifies you to be in the role of leader. Your team is right to expect responsive, and not reactive, leadership from you.

So the next time you’re stressed and your team member drops yet another problem in your lap, take a deep breath and ask yourself a question of perspective. How big of a problem is this really?

We know that we can solve 99% of the problems thrown our way. There are very few mistakes at work that cannot be fixed. We’ve done hard things before and we’ll do hard things again. The best thing that you can do to bolster your team’s belief in that is to remain calm when they feel like Rome is burning.

• Offer them your perspective — Have you experienced something like this before? What worked vs. what did not? What was different about that scenario compared to this one?
• Find out what solutions they’ve come up with — What have they tried? What ideas have they come up with that they could try? Why have they chosen to handle things the way they have thus far?
• Ask what the implications of each solution could be — What are the positives and negatives of their ideas? What are the risks? What have we not discussed that is important to consider?
• Take the time to coach them through their problem-solving process in real-time — In all likelihood, they’ll arrive at the ‘right’ solution on their own just by following your line of questioning.

Will it take discretionary time and energy on your part? Yes. But not any more energy than flying off the handle will take.

After all, that’s why you’re in the position you’re in as a leader.

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