This Common Assumption Is Keeping You From Having Better Sex

It’s time to change the script

Before I started having sex, I always pictured it ending the exact same way. The guy comes, and then it’s over.

I didn’t even necessarily picture myself having an orgasm at the end. I just knew that when he was done, we were done.

That’s how I thought sex worked.

It’s what I’d seen in movies — where the sex scenes ended with the guy rolling off the girl.

It’s the way it was in porn, too. Every scene ended in a money shot or a creampie.

And it’s sort of what everyone implied whenever they talked about sex, described sex, made jokes about sex, or complained about bad sex.

When I started having sex, it played out pretty much like I expected it would. Guys would fuck me until they came and that would be the end of it.

Looking back, it’s not a surprise that the only time I had an orgasm is when I dry humped my date until I got one.

Needless to say, I wasn’t having amazing sex back then. But I don’t really blame the guys for it. Maybe some of them were selfish. But for the most part, I think they just grew up with the same version of sex I had — that it was all about penetration and ended as soon as the guy came.

That’s still a really pervasive idea and it has a lot of sticking power. I’m older now and know better, but I still catch myself falling for that assumption sometimes.

There are times when my husband comes first and I have to remind myself that we can keep going, that it’s not done just because he had an orgasm. I might even feel a twinge of guilt for not bringing everything to a complete halt.

There’s just something about him coming that feels final.

A lot of women are stuck in that same mindset. They expect sex to be over when the guy comes, and they’ll just get whatever pleasure they can get within that time frame.

That idea is extremely outdated, and you can help her break out of that paradigm. By making your orgasm just one of the many focal points, you can expand what sex means for both of you and get a lot more satisfaction out of it.

Put Her in a More Orgasmic Mindset

The very fact of knowing that sex isn’t going to stop when you finish can help her achieve orgasm.

Seriously.

Having an orgasm involves a lot of physical stimulation, but she also needs to be in the right mindset.

If she thinks sex is a one-way street to your orgasm, she’ll want to rush to a climax before it’s over. But it’s really hard to come when you’re on the clock.

Feeling that kind of pressure can take her out of the zone and kill the focus she might need to actually get her there.

Changing the way you approach sex takes that stress out of it. When she knows there’s more time and stimulation to come after you do, she can just enjoy herself and ride the pleasure until it takes her to an orgasm.

Switch to a Different Mode

I once dated a guy who came quickly but just kept going. He would pull the condom off, roll another one on, and be right back to pounding me hard in under a minute.

He was the exception. Most guys have a refractory period that doesn’t let them stay hard and keep going without interruption.

But just because you can’t keep fucking the way you were, it doesn’t mean everything has to come to a stop. You just have to switch to giving mode.

After coming, you can show your gratitude for the experience your partner just gave you. And what better way to express it than by returning the favor? Use your fingers and your tongue to get her off. Talk dirty to her and pinch her nipples while you encourage her to make herself come. Keep it up until she’s exhausted with pleasure.

Shorten Your Refractory Period

Your refractory period also doesn’t have to be set in stone. You can take some steps to become multiorgasmic and make it easier to keep going after you come.

There are some tantric methods for doing this that involve non-ejaculatory orgasms. You can explore that if it interests you. But you might be able to actually come multiple times just by retraining your body.

The best way to do that is just to keep going after you’re done. Eventually, you’ll shorten the amount of time it takes before you can go for a second round.

It might be enough to just enjoy your partner after you’ve had an orgasm. The sheer fact that she’s naked and coming for you might be all it takes to get you hard and horny again.

You might also be able to get there with some extra physical stimulation. If you’re not too sensitive or she’s gentle enough, she can stroke your soft cock back to life or revive it with her mouth.

You could also switch to some mutual masturbation until you’re ready to jump back on her. Or just finish side by side, which is a lot more fun than it sounds.

And you can practice it on your own by masturbating until you come a second time. That’s how I became multiorgasmic and it’s how my husband taught his cock to keep going, too. Give yourself plenty of time, load up a lot of really hot porn, have some lube on hand, and get ready for one of the most enjoyable challenges you’ll ever take on.

Embrace the Non-Physical Parts of Sex

Sex isn’t just about physical pleasure. And if that’s the only thing you’re focused on when you’re fucking, you’re missing out on some of the best parts.

When you keep the sex going after you come and the penetration is over, you can savor all the other aspects of it.

You can feel the sexual energy and chemistry between you and your partner. Take in just how hot everything you’re doing is. Appreciate your partner’s body and all the things it can do. Worship her pussy, her tits, her thighs, her ass.

Make it about giving and getting as much pleasure as you possibly can. Enjoy the thrill of exploring, experimenting, and pushing your personal limits.

Take in the emotional connection and the sweaty intimacy you’re creating with your lady.

Feel the power dynamics you play out or the roles you take on when you’re fucking.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Over When She Comes, Either

Not every orgasm is the same. There are clitoral orgasms, G-spot orgasms, and penetrative orgasms. Some women can have nipple orgasms, spanking orgasms, squeezing orgasms, and all sorts of other unusual ones.

It’s fun to experience more than one kind in a single night. And if you keep things going, you can give her a lot of different types of pleasure.

Orgasms also differ in their intensity. I can get nipple orgasms, but they don’t give me the kind of deep satisfaction I get from a really good clitoral or blended orgasm.

So, set yourself a goal: don’t just make her come — make her come hard.

Keep going for more after she hits her peak. After giving her an orgasm, try for a stronger one.

Be as much of a stud as you want to be. She’ll stop you when she’s had enough.

Get to Know Her Sex Toys

Using her favorite sex toys on her after you come is an excellent way to make sure she gets hers.

It’s also a good way to avoid exhaustion after you lose a little bit of your energy from coming. Plus, you’ll get to watch your lady come like crazy and that’s always a nice treat.

If you don’t own sex toys, shop for some together.

Get some vibrators, dildos, butt plugs (if she’s into them), and wearable toys for her.

Get strokers and prostate stimulators (if you’re into them) for you.

Use them on each other to make sex last longer, achieve multiple orgasms, and to just spice things up and keep it interesting.

Get Laid More

A lot of women lose interest in sex after they settle into a long-term relationship.

There could be a lot of reasons for that, but a common one is just not finding sex all that satisfying.

Making sure you both get off as much as you want when you have sex can take care of that problem. It will make it more likely that she reminisces about the last time you fucked, looks forward to fucking you again, and doesn’t lose interest in it even years into the relationship.

And the sex can be a lot better, too. If your lady knows the sex isn’t going to end when you come, she’s also much more likely to be enthusiastic and eager in bed.

Why End a Good Time?

I want to make one thing clear. Your lady wants you to come.

If a girl is having sex with you, she wants you to get off. She wants you to experience as much pleasure as you can. And she wants to be responsible for that pleasure.

She just doesn’t want it to be at the expense of her own.

And if your lady knows that you’ll keep going, she might even enjoy making you come first. There’s something really fucking hot about watching your guy come while you’re still at your horniest.

But it’s not all about her and what she gets out of it. It’s about you, too. Sex is one of the best things in the world. It never gets boring — and when it does, you just find a new way to do it and it’s exciting again.

Why would you want that to be over as soon as you come? Why not take every opportunity you can to make it last longer and enjoy it even more?

So, go until you come and then keep going. Come a second time if you can. Make her shout with pleasure and have the kind of intense orgasms you just can’t fake. Because it’s not a strong finish unless you both can’t take any more.

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