These Are The Reasons Why Your Friends May Not Really Be Good Friends
#3 They are secretly jealous of you
Friends are an important part of life. Everyone needs a friend. However, humans aren’t perfect and relationships can’t be without problems.
Just as every relationship has its unique struggles, the hurdles of friendship tend to reveal a person’s true character.
A recent study as shown in the Plus one journal analyzed friendships and it was discovered that most relationships, particularly friendships, are not mutual. As it reveals, approximately half of your friends do not consider you a friend.
Have you ever been in a fair-weather friendship. One where it seemed like you gave a lot, but never really got anything in return? One where you always gave a shoulder to cry on, but no one was there for you during your tough times?
As humans, we often expect that people will treat us the same way we treat them. Sadly, it doesn’t usually work that way.
"If you think someone is your friend, you expect him to feel the same way. But in fact, that’s not the case." — Dr Erez Shmueli
Not all friends are genuine. Quite often, we set out to make great friends, only to discover that we are stuck with a user, an insincere person, a liar, a pretender or someone whose actions we simply can’t cope with.
Several factors determine true friendship. Sometimes, your social status, location, availability and other relatable conditions are contributory factors to who eventually becomes your friend.
Many people take advantage of these conditions simply because it is convenient for them. However, when things go awry, a little discomfort instantly pushes them away.
You may think someone is truly your friend, but then it ends up being untrue.
The truth is, one person cannot carry a friendship alone because it takes two to tango. It is a two-way street and friendship thrives based on how much importance you attach to it.
According to Dan Brennan on the WebMD, if you feel a need to evaluate your friendship(s), here are certain questions to ask yourself:
- Do I feel encouraged by my friend?
- Does this friendship make me feel valued?
- Does my friend make me happy?
If your answers are non-positive, then it’s time to have a rethink about that friendship.
Fake friends tend to consistently exhibit certain behaviors and there are various ways to identify people who are not true friends. Here are some of them:
1. They only stick around during good times
Fake friends are only available when all is well. They usually don’t stick around for long.
Life is a mixture of the good, bad and ugly. No one experiences a smooth journey all through and that’s why good friends are needed.
Only supportive friends know what it means to show up and give love, encouragement and understanding when it is genuinely needed.
In difficult times, even little gestures would mean a lot. It could be a phone call, a text, a listening ear, a hug, a shoulder to cry on or anything else that matters.
“If you want to find out who’s a true friend, screw up or go through a challenging time… then see who sticks around.” — Karen Salmansohn
2. They don’t tell you the truth
One way to know someone who is not a friend is their manner of approach towards issues.
A true friend will always give good advice, no matter how hard it is. Bad friends on the other hand, will watch you persist in error and even laugh at your mistake(s).
A bad friend will only tell you what you like to hear, not minding if it will have a negative impact on your life. Meanwhile, true friends do not sugarcoat the truth, they say it as it is.
3. They are secretly jealous of you
Watch out for that friend who doesn’t celebrate you but would stop at nothing to celebrate others. The green-eyed monster may have secretly taken over.
Some supposed friends can’t even hide their jealousy for so long. Pay attention to their subtle hints, statements and body language. It would only take a while before their real intention manifests.
A little competition amongst friends can be a good thing, but where it becomes excessive, it’s a problem.
Crystal Raypole explains how to identify jealous friends:
- You would notice that they are seriously intimidated and always try to outshine your efforts;
- They would hardly congratulate you whenever you share good news with them;
- They are usually pessimistic and tend to make you feel bad about yourself.
“A jealous close friend is worse than a friendly hidden enemy.” — Priya Bhojwani
4. They reveal almost nothing about themselves
When friendship is truly mutual, both parties should be ready to be open and vulnerable with each other.
One way to do this is through shared experiences. If your friend hides things from you, but would rather let you reveal your secrets and big news, then they are not being sincere with you.
True friendships are based on mutual trust, affection and disclosure.
If in a friendship, you are the one who gives ninety percent of the communication, effort and time, then you need to re-evaluate that friendship. If you don’t, it will wear you out.
If the energy is unmatched and the other party hardly shares anything, then it is an unbalanced relationship. The reluctance to share shows that they probably don’t think you are that close to them or do not trust you completely enough to open up.
A healthy friendship requires open communication for the free flow of information.
“Strong bonds require respect, support and most importantly, effort.” — Caroline Picard
4. They gossip about you
If you have a friend who derives great joy in talking about others, there is a huge chance that they probably discuss your issues with others too.
If they see nothing wrong in spewing bad news about others and get excited about other people’s misfortune, there is a likelihood that they are doing the same behind your back.
Where this is the case, you need to be extremely careful with them. Don’t let your guards down.
Good friends do not spill secrets. If you tell them something confidential, it stays that way.
However, if you have a friend who has gossiped about you or you caught them in the act, instantly express your displeasure.
5. They are only friends because of what they want from you
One way to be sure about who is truly your friend is by figuring what their motive for the friendship is.
People latch on to friendships for several reasons. It could be for the sake of popularity, influence, due to boredom or for the sake of pure convenience.
Some friends only look out for what they can benefit from others. They are unwilling to put in effort or bring anything to the table. All they desire is how to take, take and then take some more.
With time you may realize that such person only prioritizes you based on what you can offer them.
“It’s never easy to realize a friend isn’t being the friend you need them to be, and it’s even more difficult to realize you have to walk away. But at the end of the day, friends are meant to support us, not drain us.” — Sarah Regan
Final Thoughts
Whether we admit it or not, the signs are always there. Your gut feeling would always tell you when something is off.
There are always many warning signs about someone who is truly not your friend. You simply have to pay attention.
One major problem with untrue friendships is that we may know that someone shouldn’t be a friend, but we keep holding on and giving excuses for them because we think that they will change. Most times, this change almost never happens!
When you get to know someone, it’s advisable to pay close attention to what they say and what they do. Never ignore the signs that show who they truly are. It’s never too late to walk out on a friendship that does you no good!
Sometimes, you don’t even need to outrightly end the friendship. You can simply choose to support them from afar and maintain boundaries.
What matters at the end of each day is that you are surrounded by people that love, support you and are truly sincere.
Now, who are your real friends?