5 Things That Are More Important Than Love In A Relationship
Because Love isn’t all it takes to make things work
Most people see love as the most important ingredient in every relationship. There is that assumption that once your partner loves you, you have all you need in a relationship.
While this is not entirely false, it’s also not particularly true.
Knowing that someone loves you is one of the best feelings you can experience.
I believe in love. In fact, I love the whole idea of love and every kind of feeling that comes with it. However, I do not think that love is enough to sustain a relationship because it involves so much more.
Merely saying that you love someone is pleasing to the ears, but it’s an actionable word that does not exist in isolation.
As we grow up, we realize that true relationships require a lot more effort, attention, and sacrifice.
Love is not the total package because there are so many other factors that constitute a real relationship.
So what then are the other important things that every relationship needs?
1. Trust
Trust is an essential attribute of a healthy relationship. Once there is no trust, it is hard to feel secure with anyone.
When you trust your partner, you will have that reassurance that no matter what happens, you have someone who has got your back and will always stay loyal to you. Through the difficult and easy times, the love will continue to grow.
Sadly, lack of trust brings insecurity. Without trust, one is likely to live a life of worry and hurt.
Trust isn’t just a word in the dictionary. It is an intentional feeling that involves :
- Honesty and openness.
- Having real conversations.
Not everyone trusts easily because, for some, it has to be earned. However, whenever there is a willingness to make things work, trust can be built.
Without trust, relationships can be stressful and hectic. As Dr. Sadhvi Mythili, a psychiatrist notes on the Mom junction website, a relationship without trust is bound to be dysfunctional and chaotic. Lack of trust is a major reason why many relationships fall apart.
Love and trust go hand in hand and if a relationship is to stand the true test of time, trust has to be a present factor.
2. Mutual respect
If asked, most people would instantly tick the “respect box" when filling a good relationship requirement survey.
Respect is a two-way street and no one deserves it more than the other.
“In a relationship, mutual respect looks like speaking to one another in a respectful and considerate fashion, keeping your partner in mind when you’re making decisions, and responding to your partners needs and wants.” — Saba Harouni Lurie
Being respectful means that you are conscious of how your actions affect your partner. It’s not just merely about how you talk to them, but whether you prioritize their feelings or not.
It means allowing them to be who they are without imposing your will on them or manipulating them to do things because you want them to.
Emily Davis, a relationship coach, and author explains further that: respect means honoring your partner for who they are and also receiving the same treatment from them.
Respect is what keeps people going when the going gets tough and also what keeps them in good behavior.
3. The way you handle conflict.
Disagreements usually happen in relationships, but how you deal with them is what matters most. Your manner of handling conflict says a lot about who you truly are.
Although everyone has different approaches towards conflict resolution, it should be done with the utmost consideration of your partner’s feelings.
Sometimes, it’s possible to have harmony in conflict. This is because every relationship is an opportunity for growth and a chance to learn something new from the other party.
“10% of conflict is due to differences in opinion. 90 % is due to wrong tone of voice.” — Tommy Brian
Should you wish to settle issues amicably, be careful not to:
- Hurl insults at each other because you want to score points;
- Do the blame-game;
- Remain unapologetic, especially if you are wrong.
- Dig up old issues that are irrelevant to the matter at hand.
4. Safety and security
Creating a safe space for your partner to freely express themselves and live up to their potential is very important in any relationship.
We certainly need to be physically and emotionally safe in our relationships.
Couples that feel secure with each other will have less conflict.
If you suspect that you are in an unsafe relationship, here are some things to look out for :
- You are afraid to truly say how you feel to your partner because of how they might react;
- You never know what to expect from them per day;
- Your partner always threatens to leave;
- Most times, it feels like you are walking on eggshells because of their unexpected outburst;
- You have to put on a front because you can’t be your authentic self with them.
5. Flexibility
Sometimes, our attachment to certain ideas and beliefs could make us rigid in our decisions.
If you are one who is seriously stuck in your ways, it could be a problem for your partner.
Being able to understand things from another person’s point of view is important. The ability to compromise when necessary is a good way to show your flexibility.
“Flexibility is the key to stability.” — Tony Wooden
It’s not compulsory to always see eye to eye on all issues because we reason differently. However, striking a meeting point and doing what it takes to provide workable solutions is what every relationship needs.
Just as change is inevitable, relationships need a bit of flexibility before they can thrive. Flexibility is a conscious decision that requires consistent practice.
Final Thoughts
Every successful relationship needs intentional effort from both parties to make things work.
Many couples give up whenever they experience little bumps along the way, without knowing that some simple strategies and changes could have helped them resolved their issues.
The best way to experience growth together is by showing the willingness to learn each day and get better for each other. Agreed, each person may have peculiar desires and interests, but it always pays to agree on what works as a team. Where a consensus is lacking, it could be a breeding ground for problems.
“Relationships that work are the ones that are worked on.” — Barton Goldsmith