These Are The Real Reasons Why People Take You For Granted
And what you can do to stop it …
Relationships are an essential part of life, but people make things complicated.
One of the greatest lessons adulthood has taught me is how to speak up for myself, no matter what. Through this, I have experienced a lot of personal growth, self-development and emotional maturity. It has also helped me relate better with people.
It wasn’t always so easy, but it has shown me the importance of self-worth, self-confidence and everything else that comes with it.
Whether with friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, strangers and in our daily dealings with one another, no one likes to be taken for granted. However, our good deeds and generous acts may sometimes push us to a point where our importance begins to diminish because we are too tolerant and nice.
This is where it becomes crucial to know how to handle those who treat us less than we deserve.
Undeniably, relationships are important, we can’t run away from them. Sometimes, we adjust to situations because we simply want to go with the flow.
Most people don’t even realize that they are being taken for granted till it’s too late.
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” — Tony Gaskins
There are so many reasons why people may take you for granted. Some of them are mentioned below:
1. You are too available.
You can support others in every other way possible, but you don’t always have to be in their space all the time. This simply means that you respect their personal space.
Sometimes, it’s ok to let people know that you will always be there for them if they need anything or that they can always call if they wish to see you. However, if you are too available and accessible, things could reach a point of total abuse.
People tend to realize how important you are if you sometimes make yourself absent.
It’s important to give room for healthy boundaries when dealing with people.
Too much availability gives less room for anyone to feel your absence.
If you are too available, there is a tendency for the other person to think that:
- You have too much free time on your hands.
- You are probably someone who relies too much on others to exist.
“When you are always there for people they stop appreciating you because your favors are now an expectation.” — Sonya Parker
2. You are heavily dependent on the decision(s) of others.
Anytime you let anyone exert so much influence over your decision(s)and life, you are handing over the reins of power to them by showing that you are not in control at all.
You shouldn’t give anyone power over you by acceding to their every request and demand.
“If people are taking you for granted, it means that you have granted them permission to do so.” — Scott Miller
If it gets to a point where you always require the opinion of others for validation, then you are living your life based on their terms, not yours.
You set the tone for how others treat you.
3. You are not assertive and vocal.
When you don’t frequently air your opinion, people may begin to think that you will never exactly say what’s on your mind.
While others are asserting their facts, you simply keep quiet and let them make major decisions, even if it is to your disadvantage.
When people ask for your help, you bulge without batting an eyelid or thinking twice because you don’t want a disagreement. You are always fine with every plan.
“Our lives begin to end the day we keep silent about things that matter.” — Martin Luther King. Jr
When this happens frequently, others will step in on your behalf because they will always misinterpret your silence for consent and do whatever they wish to do.
4. You are a people-pleaser.
Considering the feelings of others is a good thing to do, but if it means sacrificing your well-being on the altar of kindness, then you may be shortchanging yourself.
If you are a people-pleaser, then it can be said that you belong to the 'yes-club.”
People pleasers always let things slide because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or have issues.
Even when another person’s action displeases you, quit acting cool like it’s ok. Let them know how you truly feel. Do not compromise your standards by making yourself less of a priority because of others.
“Do not stop being your authentic self because you’re afraid others will disapprove, criticize, or reject you.” — Sharon Martin
5. You are indecisive
It’s easy for anyone to take you for a ride if they know that they can easily convince you to change your mind or that you don’t stick to your decisions.
Indecision is a problem because it shows others that you cannot stand alone and exercise independence over your affairs.
If you want people to stop taking you for granted and start respecting you the way you want them to, here are ways to put an end to it:
1. Start talking about how you feel.
The best way to let others know how you feel is by explaining your point of view.
Words are very important and that’s why we should spare no effort in using them. No one is a mind-reader and would know exactly what you are thinking if you don’t say it.
Through your words, people will begin to know what to expect from you.
Be honest enough to let them know what to expect.
2. Set your limits by letting people know what you can tolerate or accept.
Boundaries are very helpful because they draw a difference between what is allowed and what is not.
Get accustomed to letting people know what you disapprove and approve so they can consider that before reacting. Let them know who you truly are.
3. Stop being available all the time
If you want to be less available, you can disappear for a couple of days (although still communicating), get busy, enjoy your time alone or be a bit unpredictable.
In explaining boundaries, Jenn Kennedy, a licensed marriage and family therapist notes; “Boundaries give a sense of agency over one’s physical space, body and feelings.”
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” — Thomas Haynes Bayly
4. Focus on yourself.
Self-love is a vital aspect of our daily existence. You must know how to love yourself first, before extending it to others. Make a conscious effort to do the things that make you genuinely happy.
Your happiness doesn’t lie with others, but with yourself. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
The truth is, no one will love you better than you.
5. Learn to Say No
It’s ok to put your foot down, when necessary.
If something doesn’t please you, don’t let anyone force you to do it. You could give the following polite responses:
1. I am sorry, it doesn’t fit into my schedule.
2. I would love to help, but I am really busy.
3. I am sorry, but I can’t be available right now
If you don’t start saying no, you will never truly do anything worthy for yourself.
Final thoughts
The desire to support others is normal, but if it is done at the expense of one’s happiness and comfort, then it becomes a problem.
Prioritizing your needs won’t make you a bad person. It only shows that you are confident and reasonable in making your choices.
People won’t take you for granted if you don’t let them.
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