7 Subtle Signs Which Show That You Have An Ego Problem
And what you can do to control it
Ego is an innate thing that exists within us. Everyone has it.
Having a healthy ego is very important for our self-esteem and self-confidence.
However, your ego becomes a problem when it negatively controls your emotions, thoughts, and reaction.
In Scientific American, Barry Kaufman defines Ego as “that aspect of the self that has the incessant need to be seen in a positive light.”
Truly, ego becomes an unpleasant trait once it climaxes to an exaggerated feeling of self-importance.
Although there is a tendency to confuse ego with confidence, one is slightly different from the other. Unlike confidence, ego operates out of self-interest because people whose lives are driven by their ego are mostly overconfident and think that they are always right, regardless of the actual facts.
“Ego is an overdressed insecurity.” -Quincy Jones
Tell-tale signs that your ego is in charge are arrogance, difficulty in acknowledging the opinions of others, and paying no attention to your own personal flaws.
Here are simple ways to know if you have an ego problem:
1. You detest criticism
Your ego is at play if you never want anyone to criticize you.
Ego prevents you from listening to others, even if their intentions are good. A blatant refusal to accept another person’s point of view or feedback is what an egoistic individual would do.
The truth hurts, and anyone with a bloated ego may not want to hear the truth from others.
How to handle it:
The trick is to be proactive, not reactive. Pause for a moment and think twice before responding.
Accept advice, whether you have made a mistake or not. Don’t take things personally. It could be coming from someone who is genuinely concerned.
2. You constantly compare yourself to others and feel you are better than them
Can you remember that time your co-worker got promoted at work and you instantly became envious to the point of refusing to congratulate them? That was your ego at work!
People with inflated egos usually don’t appreciate the success stories of others.
When you begin to think you are better than others or that you deserve better than them, it’s time to put your ego in check.
Your ego is getting in the way if you keep projecting feelings of superiority on others.
“The ego is the worst confidence trickster we could ever imagine.” — Dr. Yoav Dattilo
3. You must always win
No one loves losing, but egocentric people will do anything to win, even if it means cutting corners, telling lies, or being deceitful.
For them, the end is more important than the means.
Joseph Wilner, a licensed therapist, and life coach explains that there is a difference between a healthy drive to succeed and ruthless competitiveness.
Ego always thrives on outdoing others.
Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers — Karina Baffa
Your ego is a little too big if you do not realize that no matter who you are, there will always be someone with more.
How to handle it:
Let go of your need to always win. While failure is inevitable, winning can’t be an everytime thing.
Sometimes, it pays to observe and cheer on, without necessarily holding the trophy.
4. You tend to interrupt others a lot
People with ego problems tend to value only their own opinions. They feel a need to let others hear what they have to say, even if they are wrong.
Wanting to be the only person whose voice is heard in a room full of people isn’t a surprising trait of egotistic people. Based on the expectations they have set for themselves, they believe they are smarter and more in control than anyone else.
Being opinionated and self-absorbed are essential characteristics of a person that does not think much about dissenting opinions.
It’s either their way or nothing!
In the words of Robert Schuller, “Big egos have smaller ears.”
How to deal with it:
Know that there will always be someone who is smarter, better, and more attractive than you.
Recognize the fact that there is enough space for everyone.
Everyone has a right to an opinion and deserves to be heard.
5. You have no sense of gratitude
If you always feel entitled and do not appreciate the efforts of others or do not feel a need to thank others when they do things for you, your ego is at play.
Ingratitude usually comes with a sense of entitlement and research has shown that those who lack gratitude do so because of their inflated sense of self-worth.
Showing sincere appreciation is what makes us a step ahead of others because it opens doors for greater blessings.
How to deal with it:
Be thankful, even for little things. Stay humble too. Humility is a virtue, and it comes with being true to oneself.
Give compliments, well-deserved ones when due.
6. You love to take the credit for success
Even when working in a team, egoistic people don’t mind being recognized for the success of the team.
Others come second, while the individual’s position takes priority above all others.
People with big egos always want to be in the spotlight. They are attention seekers! At meetings, at parties, during meetings, link-ups, they always want to be at the center stage, soaking in all the stares and recognition.
They love to be leaders who assert authority with everything being done the exact way they want it.
In his book “Don’t let your ego hijack your leadership effectiveness”, Ken Blanchard admits that when people get caught up in their ego, it tends to erode their effectiveness, resulting in a combination of false pride and self-doubt which lead to a distorted image of self-importance.
When this becomes the case, the individual begins to see himself as the center of the universe and constantly puts his needs above those of others.
How to deal with it:
It may be a hard pill to swallow if you realize that you do have egotistic tendencies.
However, making a conscious decision to work with others as a team is important. Step back where necessary and commit to achieving success as a group and not just as an individual. Give room for others to be seen too.
7. You are too defensive
If you always turn subtle disagreements into a fight, your ego may be a little fragile.
Ego pushes you to a point where even if someone is trying to air an opinion, you take it as a personal attack or an insult.
No one can talk to you because you are always right!
While giving the imagery of this phenomenon, Lars Nielsen on the Tiny Buddha points out that when a person engages in defensive thinking, he does so because his inner critic works like a prison guard to ensure protection from any form of external threat.
Truthfully, our ego loves to attach itself to external praise, while it seeks to avert criticism. One thing defensive reaction does is that it prevents us from dealing with others authentically since we are so focused on getting a reaction from them, and not because we wish to engage with them.
Let go of your need to be right — Wayne Dyer
How to deal with this:
Not everything is said from a point of attack. Active listening will help you check your emotions and separate bad criticism from constructive ones.
Pause and think twice before reacting.
If you would like to know if your ego has taken over, here are some fundamental questions to ask yourself:
- How do you treat people?
- Do you always feel a need to be right?
- Do you usually argue to win or to be reasonable?
- Do you easily get offended when people try to correct you?
- Do you always hate to lose and will you do almost anything to win?
- Do you act better than others?
- Do you easily get offended by people’s comments?
- Do you always want to be right or happy?
Ego creates fear and if left unchecked, it worsens over time. If it rules our lives, we will constantly find ourselves wondering: what will they think of me? Are they respecting me or not? Why are they telling me what to do?
The unanswered questions never end.
Final Thoughts
Having no ego would be a disaster because it is what keeps us in line with our desires and beliefs. It’s ok to have an ego, but it shouldn’t take full control of your life to a point where it totally runs the show.
Practising more self-awareness is one of the best ways to deal with an inflated ego. With self-awareness comes the understanding of how to manage others and how to build relationships.
Constantly put your ego in check by setting it at a range that is not too high or too low. Avoid the need to overpraise or underrate yourself. At some point, there has to be a reasonable balance.
On regular occasions, ask yourself: Have I done an ego check lately?
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